Mixed emotions

I feel so conflicted.  I'm so excited about the adventures that lie ahead for me, but at the same time, so sad about what I leave behind.  Bristol is home.  My Mom may hate it when I say that, but Bristol is home.  And it's been my home for nearly seven years.  It has given me life, hope, fun, tears, laughter, excitment, development.  It's the place where I came of age, and came into myself after a difficult four years in Derby.  I was so unhappy in Derby, especially when compared to how I have been in Bristol.  I got my life back here.  It was the best place in the world for me.  I've met amazing people, worked here, played here, studied here.  Everything.  I love it here.  And I really wish I wasn't leaving. 

I've been telling people that I'm in a suspended state.  Nothing feels real.  But now that I'm packing, I can't avoid the reality anymore.  I am leaving.  I'm saying goodbye to my friends and all the inanimate objects that I hold so dear - the places, the shops, the views.

I know I'm leaving for new adventures, via a recharge of the batteries in Derby.  I'm so excited about that, with some to-be-expected nerves.  It's a dream come true, and one that wouldn't have true without my beloved city.  I'm trying not to leave with a heavy heart.  But it's hard.  And there's still so much unknown ahead.  And that's a bit scary, if I'm being honest.  What will life in Yeovil be like?  What will life as a doctor be like?  It's something I've desired for so long, but I don't think anything can prepare me for the actual life of a doctor.  And I'm sitting here alone in my now mostly packed up flat, with all these thoughts running through my head.  And I really wish there was something to distract me from it all.  But there's nothing.  I can't avoid the boxes, or the fact that the removals man is coming at 10:30am tomorrow, and I've run out of boxes, as well as the motivation to squeeze things into the little space I have left in my boxes.  Tomorrow is going to be an early start, I'm going to rush out and get more boxes, and some breakfast that I can eat without cutlery or plates!

I suppose I better get on with it, if nothing else,  I need to head to bed and get some sleep in prep for another busy day.  My last full day as a Bristol resident.  I wish I had the opportunity to do it justice... but at least I had a chance to do some of that stuff at the weekend with the Clarks.