This is what weekends are for

Ahhh, I just love Sundays, ones that I don't have to work that is!  And today was the perfect example of that.  Nice lazy lie in, then laze in bed until I started to feel guilty about being such a sloth!  My landlord and his wife popped in, so I had a bit of a catch up with them, they've just got back from a holiday in Dubai, visiting their daughter.  And now they're getting ready to go on a month long cruise.  Ahhh, nice to see where my rent cheque is going!  They're such sweeties and I do so enjoy chatting with them!

Today was another one of those can't be bothered to do much on account of the crappy, crappy weather.  So slouched around the house for most of the morning and afternoon.  I finished Connor's sweater, so kindly modelled by my teddy bear!

Then had a little tidy up and whilst giving the polystyrene yet another coat of paint, I started thinking about how Mary sounded quite enthused about my homemade attempts at Christmas decorations.  So I thought I'd invite her round for mulled wine (I love this aspect of winter nights, a nice warm cup of mulled wine to snuggle up with), takeaway and decoration making.  I got the flat looking fairly tidy and got everything ready on my table to make the decorations.

We managed to drink copious amounts of wine (and I for one certainly felt a little tipsy!) and had a lovely Indian takeaway from this great little vegetarian deli just down the road.  Then we never really got round to making stuff.  We watched a bit of telly, and chatted a bit.  And then made snowflakes.  We were mainly experimenting with different patterns, but I think I will have to think of some way to use them.  I think that most of them will be too big to look proportional on the tree, but I'm pretty happy with the results.  May try get some nice coloured paper and adapt some of the designs for the tree.

 

And that was about it.  Lovely, relaxed, weekend day.  And now it's time to get ready for the new week.  Back to the boring routine!  And on that note, need to get on with washing hair and getting ready for the week.  Night night, y'all!

Just a quickie tonight thanks, I have a headache

Today was pretty uneventful, at least in terms of stuff that may be of vague interest to the rest of the world.  I had a lovely lie in, then finished off the last sleeve of Connor's sweater and made a start of the neck borders.  Then it was off to work.  I've been a bit lazy about work recently, haven't worked for about a month, since before term started.  I did have a shift booked, but I was ill, so couldn't go.  Mainly just been struggling to get shifts.  So with a heavy heart I headed off to work.  Usually when I haven't worked for a while, I hate going back, but it's never as bad as I think.  Today, whilst not enthused or excited, I felt fairly indifferent.  And, well, it was awful.  I was working on the oncology ward.  But it wasn't the patient's and the big C-word that got me down.  It was the fact that I was the only NA working and the ward was all but at it's 32 patient capacity.  The nurses weren't horrible or anything, they were just totally unsupportive and kept on piling on the jobs, and never offered to help me.  I just spent the whole shift feeling like I wasn't getting on top of anything.  And then I end up getting grumpy and then that's not really fair on the patients and I end up feeling really guilty for being such a miserable sod! 

And that was about it for today.  Came home, had some dinner, watched some telly, finished the neck borders on the sweater and then started writing this blog.  Feel absolutely exhausted and I have a stiff neck and a bit of a headache.  So I think it maybe time to head to bed, and sew the sweater together tomorrow and make some more progress on the Christmas decorations.  Sleep tight everybody!

Doing my 10,000 steps

I had a surprisingly busy, and somewhat energetic day.  I walked in to town today, as I was meeting Mary halfway in, there wasn't any point in catching a bus.  Approximate step count to walk to town = 5000 (my iPod has a pedometer, in case you were wondering how I know this).  Had such a lovely morning wondering round the shops with Mary, and chatting and catching up.  I know it's not been that long since I went to the cat show with her, but it felt like we had so much to talk about!  This is what good friends are all about, being able to talk and talk and talk, and then be comfortable with silences when they do happen.  We were mainly looking at things for Mary, and we weren't that successful in the end, but we did come across some very interesting styles of clothing - when did fashion become so hideous?  It was a fairly girly morning all-in-all, which is a bit strange, as I don't think either Mary or I are particularly girly girls!  Thanks Mary for being a fantastic friend, who I love very dearly!  So I'm thinking walking around the shops for about two and a half/three hours, at least 500 steps.

Then I had an opthalmology revision session.  Opthalmology is one of those little specialities that we do for about a week in the third year, so come round to the fifth year, it's a very distant memory!  So our unit co-ordinator is trying to organise some revision sessions so we can "recall" what we learnt, or at the very least be told what we should remember.  It was a fairly useful thing, but I had revised it a little for finals last year, so I wasn't as rusty as some of the others, but I certainly wasn't slick.  After the lecture, we had a little practical session on using an opthalmascope to look into eyes, and at the back (interesting fact for non-medics, this is the only place in the body when you can directly observe/see blood vessels and nerves/brain matter - the retina being an extension of the brain!  so this is pretty cool, and something that us medics get potentially excited about).  It's a hard skill to master.  And one that brings back bad memories for me - in the third year, when I did do opthalmology, we were looking in each others eyes, and someone found a serious abnormality in my eyes, which lead to about two years of various investigations, e.g. "next we have to do an MRI to rule out a space-occupying lesion" (medic-trying-not-to-scare-the-patient for brain tumour) and uncomfortable tests e.g. lumbar punctures (a massive needle being shoved in you back to get some of the fluid that surounds the brain and spinal sord) and medications (for which I needed regular blood tests and gave me horrid perma-pins and needles in my hands).  I had something called idiopathic intercranial hypertension, and I'm okay now.  So all in all, don't have fond memories of opthalmology.  But on a positive note, the doctor had a look today at my eyes, and they were fine.

And then, I walked home (approximate step count = 4500).  I wasn't originally going to walk home, I was going to catch the bus, reassured that I had already walked this distance today.  But there were a couple of things that I needed to do on the way home, so before I knew it, I was home and had, for once, completed over 10,000 steps!  I feel really proud of that, I usually a fairly lazy person.  It's also good to know that I can do it.  I don't think that I'll be doing it again in a hurry, but it's definitely something I want to try and do more often.  It's the closest thing that I get to exercise!

I haven't really done much in the way of Christmas decorations today.  I've given my polystyrene balls a couple of licks of paint, so they're now looking a little like this:

Still need to do several more layers.  I ignored what I read, and decided I didn't need primer, but I think I probably shouldn't have been so head strong.  It's taking ages to get a good solid colour on them!

I've been powering through with my knitting.  I've done the front, back and one sleeve of the sweater for Connor, so I should have it finished and ready to post by the end of the weekend.  It's coming along nice and fast.  Really need to start thinking about my next project.  There's one pattern that I really want to try, as it's soooo cute, but it would require a trip to the wool shop, as it really needs to be a solid colour, and all the odd balls that I have wouldn't be enough!  And I really do want to try and use up some of these balls.  So I will have to have a long hard think about it!  Either that or go and get a new pattern that would be ok with multi-colouredness.  Oh it's a tough life!

I am a weak human being...

I know I said that I wouldn't get anymore Christmas decoration craft stuff until I had used up the stuff I already had.  I realise that my actions today make me a weak person.  I know that I was only meant to be going to get some glue.  I know that this should not have taken me 2 hours at Hobbycraft, and cost me nearly £24.  Oh screw it, I had FUN!  And I'm really enjoying making these decorations and experimenting.  You'll get the idea when I mention that I've not even knitted a stitch yet today.  This is what I got today:

Also, again in my defence, I didn't buy any wool, or any knitting patterns, which is a big thing for me! 

So, my efforts today are:

The last one here was an idea that I got for my lecturer today.  She was wearing a necklace in this style of pearl beads threaded on ribbon.  I was mesmorised by it and kept staring at it!  It was so simple and elegant, and I thought it would make a lovely alternative to tinsel in my quest to make a homemade decorated Christmas tree.  This started as an idea to make a few things for my tree and have a little fun and a break from my knitting.  But it's taken on a mind of it's own.  I'm really enjoying it! 


I had a really fun tutorial today.  It was about ECGs, the last in a series of four being giving by some middle level doctors.  It was fun because we were doing various scenarios.  Case 1:  Dave goes.  Is stumped.  Lecturer says he can phone a friend.  He chooses me.  I answer flawlessly (Lecturer visibly impressed!) .  Case 2, after discussing a few points:  Hannah picked to answer.  She gets stuck.  Lecturer says:  "Alright then, you can phone a friend, but not Ashleigh".  Oooops!  Was I showing off too much?  Maybe a little.  But it was fun!  It also reassures me when I can demonstrate that I wasn't a complete loser and dounce that failed.  Later on, she kept on asking questions, and we came across one that no one could answer, so I had to ask if I was allowed to answer.  I know that this might sound a little vain, but it was a fairly relaxed and light-hearted atmosphere, and the other students are all pretty cool about me having failed, and I didn't get the impression that they minded!  And I don't always get it right.  I often just get used to blurting, or giving it a go.  They don't always remember that I get stuff wrong every now and then, they just think that I'm a fountain of knowledge.  I keep on getting approached about revision techniques and what I did last year.  It's flattering in a way.  I do try to tell it as it is though, and point out what I think were the mistakes that I made, so I give a balanced view of what happened.  I feel that I owe them at least that.

My arm is still hurting.  It looks a little like this, or maybe even a little worse!:

Right, back to my knitting.  Gonna try get a couple of rows done before bed, whilst I watch stuff I sky plused earlier.

Christmas decorations!

As I've mentioned in earlier blogs, over the last week or so, I've been accumulating random beads, card and ribbons with the intention of creating some Christmas decorations.  I didn't really have any idea of what I was going to do.  I had spotted some ideas in a hobbycraft (as in the shop) magazine, but didn't really like all of them, or want to do all of them.  My collection of oddments ended up looking a little like this:

So today, I decided that I should try make some progress on it.  I know that it's over a month till Christmas, so I shouldn't really be thinking of putting up a tree anytime soon... but there are several reasons I think it's justifiable to be thinking about making my Christmas decorations:
1) I live alone, so am responsible for no-one else's home asthetics!
2) I live alone, it's nice to have something to cheer me up, and what better than a colourful tree!
3) I live alone, so it's nice to have projects to work on to keep me occupied and not lonely
4) I live alone... have I flogged the "I live alone thing too much"?
5) It'll take me a while to make the decorations, so it's not like I'll be putting the tree up anytime soon
6) I won't actually be spending Christmas in my flat here in Bristol, I will be heading home to Derby.  So that means I miss about 3 or 4 days of the pre-Christmas period and some of the days after.  I need time to enjoy it!
7) Haven't got a tree yet, so will need to buy one before I can get too carried away....
Can anyone guess what I was thinking about whilst making my first attempts at decorations?  Speaking of which, here they are.  I've been making them very organically and just seeing where my hands lead me!  Any suggestions or ideas will be greatly received.

My swine flu jab is still giving me hassle.  Mainly just the local reaction.  I suppose that this is just my body mounting the necessary immune response.  But that doesn't mean I like the hot, red, tender lump on my arm, and the fact that my arm has been aching all day!  Grrr.  I've had the seasonal flu jab before, and it's not given me problems like this.  I was relieved when I was talking to some of the other Med Students today and they seemed to be having similar if not worse experiences.  I still say getting vaccinated is worth it, and I know that some of my friends don't really agree with the concept, I'm all for it!  It's for the greater good in my case, I'm around so many frail people that I wouldn't like the responsiblity of being a disease vector destroying my patients!  Also, worse case scenario, either in my capacity as a medical student or a nursing assistant, the NHS could be more heavily dependent on my services if swine flu really hits hard.  Just doing my bit, and in a selfish way, don't like being ill and missing things and feeling lousy.

And on to the next project!

Yeah, I know, it sounds like I'm rather obsessed with this knitting malarky!  I'm glad you're getting the idea!  I got some really cute little buttons and the cardie is finished:

So, as one thing finishes, the need for another project arises!  Yay!  I had a bit of a root around my bulging craft box whilst I was trying to tidy up a little and decided I should actually use up some of the random balls of wool that I have.  A couple of months ago, I made some strippy gloves for some little hands, and wanted to give them a chance to choose their own colours, so I brought several 50g balls, and didn't use them all, and obviously the colours that I did use didn't get used up.  So I have decided that my next projects should be an attempt to use some of these up, rather than wasting it, AND spending more money buying more wool.  As much as I love wondering round the wool shops and wool departments, it's an expensive hobby - it seems that my tastes are becoming more refined and experimental!  And the variety is a bit overwhelming as I want it all!  Hehehe!  My next project is.... a green strippy sweater for my (well, "my") baby boy, Connor.  It feels like ages since I last made him something.  It's a really cute pattern, very simple with a twist.  The pattern is from the same book that Rowan's second cardigan was in, I want to do most of the patterns in here!

And on to the rest of my day.  I rushed in for my first thing in the morning teaching, even though it was such a hassle, and I was seriously sleep deprived after last night.  It was a struggle!  And the fricking consultant hadn't written it in his diary so didn't have time to do it!  Grrr!  So annoying.  So I went button shopping instead.  And also went and got my swine flu jab.  Really don't want to get ill this winter, so a little discomfort now is infinitely preferable, whatever happens this winter with regards to the swine flu "epidemic".  My arm is a little uncomfortable right now, but not too bad.  Hopefully that'll be as bad as it gets.  A couple of my friends have felt a bit lousy the next day, so fingers crossed that I get to avoid that!

Well, that's about it for today.  Gonna make the effort to have an earlier night tonight! 

I got issues... with buttons apparently!

Another project finished, but unfortunately, haven't been organised enough to get some buttons for it.  So I guess that's a job for tomorrow!  I wasn't really expecting to have it finished so soon.  So that probably explains my lack of organisation.  Although having said that, I got a little excited at being so near the end that I have stayed up till nearly 1am to finish it!  Here's the progress of today:

Finishing the yoke and positioning it ready to be sewn on.

The yoke now attached and the neck band completed, along with the contrasting right band (side and sleeve seams still to be sewn)

As far as I've got - just need the buttons.  I'm on the whole happy with it.  It's very different from the Aran knit that I completed before, and it's a much softer, more delicate feeling wool.  Then there's the yoke style, which I've never attempted before.  And the experiement with colour, part curiosity (always planned to do the yoke a different colour) and part necessity (I ran out of the purple, hence the contrasting bands down the front). All in all a very different style.  Very torn between which one I prefer, the aran or this.  The aran in a weird way is neater, as it didn't have all the sewing on of yokes and the bands ran in a differnt way so look a bit flatter than the picked up band here.  I like the fact that this one should fit (will have to wait till it gets to it's new home, for confirmation on that one!) and it's more dainty and pretty, where as the Aran is a more hardy, practical type of thing.  Oh well!

Had a fairly productive day all round.  Had some teaching this afternoon and then forced myself to clerk.  Didn't feel too bad about it, usually I dread it, but in a weird way, today, I didn't have the normal resentment towards the whole process.  I clerked a pretty amazing patient - it always horrifies me to hear what some patients have been through, yet you look at them and it's sometimes really hard to believe that they've been, or still are, that ill!  The human body is truely wonderful.  I'm quite looking forward to presenting this case, which I will probably be doing tomorrow, first thing (9am), or should that be, later today.  I suppose that makes a good reminder for me to go to bed!  Arggh, really should do my dishes!  Mmmm, maybe I can put that off for a while....!

A cosy day in bed!

Ahhh, what else are Sundays for.  I had a lovely lie-in, despite waking up relatively early (9:30) because the people in the shop I live behind were being very noisy and chatting on the phone right outside my bedroom window.  I managed to doze for a little while longer.  Then, basically, I never really left my bed other than for the essentials, like tea.  It was such awful weather, the rain just pounded against my window at various intervals.  No incentive what so ever to get out and about.  So I cosied up in bed, with my knitting and my laptop for entertainment.  How very decadent and lazy of me, but it was lovely.  This is definitely not something I do that often, but it was good.  The knitting is coming along nicely.  The main bits were ready to be sewn together so that I could measure the size of yoke needed.  And the yoke is steadily coming along.

 

 

Sorry for the slightly blurry pictures, I decided the colour was best represented by using night exposure and I didn't really hold my hands still enough!  I'm really getting a feel for what it'll look like when it's finished.  I'm still slightly indecisive as to whether I made the right call going for the two colour effect.  I will have to do the bands in blue, as I literally only had 28cm left of the purple once I finished the sleeves.  Was really worried I wasn't going to have enough and I would have to do an emergancy trip to the store to get more!!  But disaster was averted!

I did eventually get out of bed this evening.  My friends Harry and Claire invited me round for Mexican.  It's been about a month since I last saw them, and I wasn't having a particularly good day when I did see them.  So it was lovely to catch up with them and tell them all about my repeating adventures.  I also got to hear about their lifes now that they are working.  It's weird to think about how their lifes should be mine, but they're great friends, so it's not awkward and they have been very supportive about everything.  In particular going through my job application form with a fine tooth comb!  I will owe them big time if I get a good score on that!  They asked me to take desert, so I took inspiration from Sam over the summer and brought stuff for D.I.Y. sundaes.  This is such a simple, but wonderful idea.  And it went down very well.  I could find any sauces at the small local Sainsbury's so I brought a bottle of Baileys.  We didn't end up using it, so I've brought it home with me.  I've added it to my growing collection!  A stranger wondering into my flat would think I'm quite the alcoholic, but I'm honestly not.  I often go weeks without touching a drop, but suddenly my flat looks like this:

Oh well, it's always handy to have these things in the house, for dinner parties etc.  The mulled wine was on special, hence multiplicity, and it's such a wonderful tipple for winter evenings!  I'm also quite impressed that it's British wine.  Yay for low food mileage on our alcohol!  Feel good booze in more than one way!

Right, off now to watch House and Fringe that I Sky Plused whilst at dinner.  Yay for Sky+, it is such a wonderful contraption!

Cat Show

I went to the Supreme Cat Show today at the NEC in Birmingham. Had a lovely day out with Mary and Paddy. I think poor Paddy got a bit bored, but Mary and I went round all about 1300 cats and oooohed and aaaahhhhed at them all. They were all so gorgeous. I in no way now want a pair of silver and black striped British shorthair kittens now. Hehehe!

The drive was, as predicted, awful. On the way there wasn't too bad, but coming back was horrendous. Took nearly two hours to get back, when it should only have taken an hour and a half. The rain was really heavy at times, and visiblity poor. So needless to say, by the time we got back I was knackered. We hung out at Mary and Paddys for a little while, and they treated me to some Chinese takeaway in lieu of petrol money. They were both really good about it all, and paid for my ticket and my lunch. So that was really helpful, moneywise. It was great spending time with them and catching up. Having such great friends is truely a blessing.

Buttons

It's finally done. Went to my local friendly wool shop today and brought some buttons. Was in the store for ages, with this old dear of a shopkeeper who went through all her buttons. We found some random buttons that looked really good, little wooden ones, but there were only four, and I needed five. She went round the store and in the back, looking in jam jars and vases trying to find a fifth button. But alas, no luck. But we did find these instead. And I think they look pretty good.



This is what I really love about living where I do, the independent retailer is still going strong, well, relatively. The personal touch can't be beaten. She doesn't really have the best range of some stuff, like the more luxurious types of yarns, but she's good for advice and is so happy to chat through things. And she's really good value for money too.

I'm also making good progress on my next little cardigan. I have finished the back, fronts and one sleeve. I know what you must be thinking, that's fast. But this pattern has a big yoke, so the afore mentioned items are shorter. Also, they are in plain stocking stitch, rather than a fancy aran pattern, so knit up very quickly indeed. Here are the pieces layed out for "blocking" - something I've only recently started doing, it's supposed to give a better finish to the items. So I though, nice wool, nice pattern, lots of effort - may as well go the whole way and put in all the effort.



Off to the cat show tomorrow, so won't get much knitting done, but hopefully will return with photos of something besides knitting!

How to make a cardigan

I have all but finished Rowan's cardigan, just need to get some buttons for it. But besides that, here is how to make a cardigan:
Step 1: Make a back, a left front and a right front and two sleeves:






Step two: Sew shoulder seams

Step three: Knit plain rib band, place button markers



Step four: Knit buttonhole band



Step five: Sew in sleeves

Step six: Sew sleeve and side seams

Step seven: Sew on buttons

Well, maybe there should be another step, step 6a) buy buttons. All in all, I'm pretty happy with it. It is really huge though, think it may fit Morgan, never mind Rowan... but don't worry, I'm already working on that. Step eight: begin next project, more size appropriate cardigan. The next one is a really pretty pattern and a bit more delicate than the aran. And I'm thinking of experimenting with a two colour idea. Bit cautious about this, especially as I'm using this gorgeous wool, which is a mixture of bamboo and wool. It's gorgeously soft, and is a lovely colour. If I mess it up though... it would be such a waste and a huge shame. So, fingers crossed. It's knitting up pretty quickly, so hopefully results won't be too far in the offing.

Mid-week laze

I've been fairly naughty today. It's not that I feel a-motivated or couldn't be bothered. Just haven't been busy. Looking back, just going into hospital for one lecture is an utter wasted day. I kept on meaning to clerk, but put it off and put it off. And I got a return ticket for the bus today, as the weather was awful on the way in, thought that it would be awful during the walk back, so I didn't think I'd want to do it.

Brought some more crafting stuff today, in preparation for making tree decorations. Still have limited ideas of what I'm going to do, but I'm getting excited. Will definitely not buy anymore stuff, at least not until I've given it a go and seen how it's gone. Watch this space for if I ever get round to it.

I'm hoping to finish RoRo's cardigan tomorrow, I have a few rows of the second sleeve left and then it's just sewing it all together and doing the banding (i.e. the two bands that run up the front where the buttons and button holes will be). I've enjoyed it on the whole, but am beginning to fatigue of it. Glad to be almost done so I can move onto something new. This is why when people ask if I have plans to make something for myself, I generally say no. I know I'd get bored of it, and run out of steam and put it down and forget to pick it up again. Baby/child size stuff is great, I generally finish it in about a week, working on it full time, it's slightly longer now that I'm back at uni.

I have about three or four things that I have all the wool for and I know I want to do. Just don't know which one I'll pick next. Then there's a myriad of other little projects that I want to do at some point... not sure if I'll ever get round to it. No danger of running out of projects anytime soon! This is great when you live alone like I do. Ways to keep occupied rather than staring blankly at rubbish on tv is very good.

I should be going to a cat show at the weekend. My friend Mary is cat-obsessed and has always wanted to go. I'm fairly indifferent to the idea, but am excited to have something to look forward to, especially spending a day with my friends. It's in Birmingham, and I'm the designated driver person as Mary doesn't keep a car in Bristol. Not sure if I could be bothered with the drive, but I know it'll be a lovely day and that this will make up for it.

Anyhows, gonna get back to the knitting. Been working on this for about three weeks, it's time to finish!

Just another Tuesday

So, basically, this is my life. I just about made it in on time to my 10:30am teaching. Was on ECG interpretation. Had this topic to death, I know the basics, don't need people to come along and bore me with their "fail-proof" methods which are different from everyone else who has ever tried to teach me about ECGs. I know what I need to know, and I passed the ECG portion of the exams last year. Yes, repeating is boring.

Then I was good, I was proactive about life instead of leaving it all for the last moment. Those who know me, will realise this is very unusual. I could go on a rant about how this is a new start and I will be a better person from here on... but it wasn't anything nearly as fundamental as that. I just did some stuff that I had already being putting off for a while, and had some spare time. Simple as that. Still remains to see if being organised provides more benefit.

Then in another shocking turn of events I went to the library in the remaining spare time I had today. I flicked through books and looked some stuff up. I hardly ever step foot in libraries, and never this far away from exams. Is this the life other medical students experience?!? Have to be honest and say that I'm not that likely to return, was a bit disappointed in their range of books, and was mainly wanting to look at a book that I've been thinking about buying. They didn't have it, so I looked at some similar ones as alternatives and they didn't impress. I suppose that I could always just nip to the uni's med school library. I'm practically next door to the uni when I'm at the BRI. Would require me to have more time, but not much more. But it would be a nicer atmosphere. And it's always nice to look at the younger years and realise that I actually have come a long way, even if it doesn't always feel that way.

After my proactive hour, I had another tutorial. I rocked it. I rocked it in a very annoying manner, both for myself and for the other students. You see, I aced the theory/knowledge part of finals. I really worked hard for it. Going to tutorials where they're expecting you to have only the most basic of knowledge is very frustrating. There's only so many times you can blurt out the (almost all right) answers before it becomes awkward and everyone starts throwing looks of disguist in your direction. So I try to avoid this. But on the whole, we're a competitive bunch, us medics. It's hard not to show off that you know the answers! So I decided not to answer anymore questions. And the lecturer starts to do the whole "No, no one knows the answer. Well the answer is xyz, obviously" thing when met with a wall of silent and mostly blank faces to his questions. I'm thinking, well, I knew the answers, but people are getting bored and fed up of me answering. Don't tar me with the same brush as them. I know, I know. It's silly and childish. But this is how some of the tutorials make me feel.

Then I was naughty. Really should have gone to clerk. It wasn't late and I hadn't clerked so far today. But I couldn't be bothered. Not really the attitude I should be adopting. Avoiding the one thing I really need to be doing this year. But screw it... there's no valid excuse. It wasn't even a full blown case of "couldn't be bothered"sies. Just decided that I was actually looking forward to my walk home. It was a nice day. Simple as that.

Shouldn't really have decided that. Should have clerked, then taken the bus home. It's just toooo dangerous for me to walk home. Walk past far too many shops that I love browsing through. Was nearly two and a half hours. It should take max 45mins. Oh well. I've decided that I want to experiment with making some Christmas decorations for my tree this year. So I stopped at the bead store and spent ages trying to decide which beads looked vaguely Christmasy. The had to ask for advice regarding what sort of thread to use. Ended up with some silver-coat copper wire, various red, green, gold and wood beads. Have no idea what to do with them. Don't know when I'll know. Don't know when I'll get round to thinking about what to do! This is why it's dangerous for me to walk home!

Learning lessions

As outlined in my first post, I thought I should be reflecting more, and trying to learn from my mistakes... trying to learn how to pass. Today was a very good episode of that. A full day at the hospital. Went on a ward round... nothing too special, but got to meet the team that I'll be working with for the next couple of days. Then there was a teaching session with one of the consultants. He was a bit of a dragon, the people who were presenting were nervous messes, you could hear how dry their mouths were, and they were visibly shook up by the experience. He was very mean. No, he wasn't actually, he was very harsh, and thorough, but he wasn't outright mean. This was learning through tough loving. It's harsh, but I was totally able to see where he was coming from. Whilst I can't honestly say that he had the best of intentions and that he had our welfare at heart (he was no angel!) but he was trying to get his point across. And the point of his point was to make us better doctors. He had lots to say, and picked people's clerkings to pieces, but when it wasn't you under fire, it was a great learning opportunity.

It was also a great reflective opportunity for me. Sometimes, when he was ruthlessly going through someone's best efforts, it highlighted to me a lot of my own short comings. Got me really thinking. At times to the point of me thinking - "I see now whilst I failed". I don't think that it was a simple as what he was saying, but I do think it was a major part of what happened. Hearing it, and reflecting on it was hard, but I think it's what I need to hear to help build me up and get me on the path to doing the right thing to pass. So here's hoping.

Then later on, we had a similar sort of session with another consultant. If anyone from UoB Med School is reading this, they prob know in an instant who it was. He's the legend of the med school, and it's easy to see why. It was supposed to be an hour and a half, but we were still going strong after two. I had just clerked, a case I thought vaguely interesting, and one that I had struggled with, so I thought it would be great to find out which directions I should have taken. We spent the entire session on this case, and I laughed as I learned. Everything was picked apart (e.g. first started with the patient's gender and age - he made list of top diagnoses, he [kinda] got it right! But spent about 10mins discussing this alone!). His version of picking apart was very different. We learnt lots and explored issues, made references to various aspects of life as a doctor, and he dolled out the advice. It was great, he's a very engaging teacher. However, I never really go the opportunity to fully explore with him what I wanted to query about my clerking.

Two very different teaching styles, both equally valid and both have their strong points. Learnt far more about passing my exams from the first guy, but that was one high stress environment. The second guy is far more approachable, packed with crazy tangents. Informative (maybe too much so) and fun... but ultimately less memorable?

All in all a packed and productive day. Definitely some ideas to take forward with me. Everyday is an improvement, and I really have to try hard to do it right this time round. Failing is not an option. It wasn't an option last year. But these things happen. There will be no third chance. This is it! I want this more than anything else. My confidence is shaken. I have to recover. I've never thought about failure before. It was not something that seriously entered my mind. Now it's always lurking in the background. I hate this. Must think forward, not back.

On a more positive note, my current project is coming along nicely. I just have one more sleeve and the edging to finish a cardigan for my friend's daughter, Rowan. RoRo is about 7 months old now. Lady in pattern shop told me that it was about a one year old size. It's huge though. I think that this will be something that Sarah puts away for a while.... oooops! I decided to do this project because I had knitted Rowan's bigger sisters some stuff over the summer that they can wear now. I feel in a way my project is a whoopsy (trying to avoid the word failure!). Don't get me wrong, I like it, and I'm happy with the outcome thus far, but it's not meeting it's purpose. Don't worry however, I have already come up with a plan to ratify this! Watch this space!

Finally, went to see Fantastic Mr Fox last night. Was utterly charmed by it. Very sweet. I haven't read the book, so I don't feel a huge outrage at the "Americanisms" and deviations for the book that other people have. Was just what I was in the mood for, light-hearted fun and cute animals. Interesting style too.

Well, that's about all folks, better get used to it, always have too much to say!

Keeping busy over the summer

When I found myself with all this extra time this past summer, I thought I'd go mad and have a complete and utter breakdown. Whilst I don't consider myself the most proactive or energetic of people, I am usually fairly busy. My typical week consists of me spending Monday to Friday at the hospital or uni doing lectures or clinical placement. Then on weekends, I work as a healthcare assistant (HCA aka nursing assistant) at the large city centre hospital. So basically, my typical week is filled six or seven days a week with uni or paying for life at uni. It is exhausting, and I'm so grateful when I get time off, but after a couple of days with nothing to do, I start to get restless. Not having anything to do is a very foreign concept to me. And my life usually consists of having the endpoint of passing exams. Always an final goal. Then suddenly four months of nothingness.

Yes, the other thing is lack of money. I could have arranged to come back to Bristol, but I couldn't face that - four very long months, working a mind numbing, often demoralising job, and being all alone with my thoughts and dwelling on the failure. This version of events was not the way to avoid restlessness. It would have been far more harmful.

So staying in Derby, with family and friends was better. However, there's only so much one can go wonder round town, go out for coffee and got to the cinema before it becomes financially unviable and boring in its pointless way. So, to find a summer project with meaning... okays, I can do that... to excess!

When I was a kid growing up, my Ouma filled her hours with knitting, my Gran and my Mom knitted too. Learning to knit was just done! Almost by osmosis. But as a little kid, I was rubbish! I had no concept of tension and knitting with 20 cast on stitches would eventually become knitting with 60 stitches and lots of dropped stitches. However, when I was about 10, one horrible rainy morning, out of boredom, I dug out a "How to crochet" magazine and learnt how to crochet. I found it easier and it was my method of choice for the longest time. I also over the years learnt how to do other various handicrafts. But as I grew up, I stopped having the time, or at least being able to find the time to do stuff.

So this summer, with a friend pregnant and due at the end of September, I thought to myself, I can make something for the baby. I decided it was time to learn how to knit properly. I had done things like making a scarf (basically a long thin strip) but never any proper items of clothing. So, I had a chat with my mom, and she dug out some knitting needles and some patterns. And so began an obsession, which had amused all I know to no end! But hopefully created some items that can be loved and cherished! My poor mom had to sit and listen to my woes, when I hit parts of the pattern that I couldn't make sense out of, or explaining a technique. And she would patiently unpick my mistakes when I got too frustrated with the frequent mistakes of my first few projects. So thanks Mom for your patience and understanding. And for telling me to go to bed when you found me still awake gone 3 o'clock in the morning, knitting in front of the telly, focused entirely on the fact that I had finally wrapped my head around double moss stitch.

Now, since the end of June, I've always had a knitting project on the go. It's the other thing that kept me sane this summer. Be prepared to hear lots about my knitting!

Let's give it a go!

Hi,

My name is Ashleigh van Tonder. I'm 25years old and live in Bristol, well mostly! I am a final year medical student. I'm always been told by the powers that be, that I should be more reflective, as this will make me a better doctor. And I'm thinking that if I should start being reflective at any point in time, it's this. You see, I've just started my final year of medical school, the second time over - I failed my finals last year... There are definitely things that need to be improved to ensure a more successful year.

I've been at uni now for six and a bit years. I've loved almost every moment of it, and I really try to avoid the word regret, as I believe that we are all the people we are as we have been shaped by our experiences. And saying you regret something implies a certain degree of dis-satisfaction in yourself. Having said that, I find it very very hard to say that I don't regret having failed. I think I really was ready to move on to the next stage of my life.

All in all, I think that I have handled this state of affairs relatively well. This is mainly due to the amazing support I have recieved from all of my friends. Especially my friends in Derby. Derby is my other "home" - where I spend the last couple of years at school and where my parents live. I spend far more of my time in Bristol, however, so I don't get to see my Derby friends very often, so I can't help but reflect on how accommodating they have been. They just let me slot into their lifes and let me be me. There was no pressure to disect what had happened, no questions thrust at me, just wonderful support. I just spent time with them, as they went about their day-to-day lifes.

And the most important thing I learnt from this was a very valuable one that I will try to remember and cling onto as the year ahead progesses. There is a life outside of medicine. As medical students we are constantly reminded about the fact that being a doctor is a way of life. It's incredibly demanding and everything else comes a distant second. I've been so focused on becoming a doctor for the last six years, I've often forgot that other people's lifes don't revolve round the same things mine do. Spending time with my friends and their families, seing how content and happy they are with their interpretations of living, reminds me that the world does not end when I step outside the hospital. Whilst, yes, I don't think in the slightest that I want to change what I'm doing, it really is not the be-all and end-all. Life goes on...