A daybook: An attempt to calm and order my overactive mind

FOR TODAY

Written at half post three in the morning!

Outside my window... Well, let's be honest, the curtains are drawn.  But I'm guessing it's dark.  I'm not particularly interested!

I am thinking... that putting my thoughts down on "paper" will help me order them and perhaps even settle my crazy overactive brain a little, and let me get some sleep.

I am thankful... for my new job, for finally being successful in applying for the thing that I've had my heart set on for so long.  For the new lease of life that this has given me.  But mostly I'm thankful for the amazing support I've had from everyone in this topsy-turvy last few months, and for their enthusiastic partaking in my overwhelming joy in my good news as I'm finally getting my chance to tell them.  I feel truely blessed, and I've had so many lovely congratulatory hugs today.  It does however fill me with a touch of sadness to know that my time with these wonderful people is now limited.

In the kitchen... there are high piled plates in need of a wash.  By no means the worst it's ever been, but still impressive when considering that I've only been back in my flat for a couple of days!  There's also a half eaten loaf of homemade bread.  I really enjoy baking bread.  There's something very homey about it, and it makes the flat smell delicious!

I am wearing... lilac pjs.  And a well worn, cozy sweater that is well and truely beyond it's best, but it's snuggly and I only wear it at home as a winter pj top up.  And my fit-flops, because my feet were very achy this even when I finally got myself out of bed after a very hectic nightshift.

I am creating...  lots of things, I'm usually fairly good about not having too many WIPs on the go at any given time, but I'm surrounded by half finished things.  Today I've been working on a rounded yoke, knit in one piece, navy baby cardigan for a friend.  I've also got to sew up and knit the neck back on another little cardigan for this same friend - a chore that I've been putting off for several weeks already.  So it's high on my list of priorities for tackling this week.  As is the 90% done pair of socks that have been about 90% done for around a year now, I *will* finish them this week. I also must remember to finally knit the neck border on my lovely green and blue lace shawl and get it blocked.  I've been so excited about this project but lost puff right at this final stage.  I *will* finish it this week too!

I've also started a project for myself for a change - a cabled vest top that I'm making with some lovely 100% merino yarn that my mum brought back from South Africa a few years ago. It's taken ages for me to find a pattern that I really wanted to make with this special yarn.  I'm a little over halfway on the back, but this project will be relegated this week with so much else happening, both crafty and otherwise.  It will be hibernating along side the sweater for myself that I started before Christmas, that just needs it's sleeves now, but I've ignored for weeks.  I'm not very good at prioritising knits that are for me!

I am going...to eventually go to bed.... not really tired right now, but getting there.  My body clock is all over the place, the rhythm of night shifts still dominating and the excitement and prospect of major life changes over the coming months meaning that even when I'm tired, sleep remains distant and secondary to the whirl of thoughts going round and round in my head.  Most of them thoughts I've been having all week, and when I'm tired, they're not even original variations of these thoughts!  They're just very hard to calm and stop.

I am wondering... what to watch next.  So far this evening, I woke up around 5pm, having slept all day after a very hectic night shift.  I had a pounding headache, which with hindsight was a migrane, since all I could do was lie in the dark with my eyes closed and then be sick.  I promptly feel asleep on the sofa by about 7pm, to wake up just before midnight... finally ready to start my day.  So far, I've been knitting and distracting myself with iPlayer on the telly, mostly lighthearted classics -  Madagascar (because I'm a big kid and love animated films), Junior Doctors (I find this difficult to watch at times, it's all a little too close to home, but I find the more work and experience I get, the more I can use it as a reflective exercise!), and I've just finished Tropic Thunder, which I adore for all it's outrageous silliness, and it also holds a special place in my heart as I watched it for the first time in East London, South Africa, whilst on my elective.

I am reading... The Pillars of the Earth by Ken Follet.  I didn't think I was ready for another epic read after having only finished A Song of Ice and Fire (the Game of Thrones) series a few months ago.  But I'm lapping it up, and it's a surprisingly easy going read.  I'm over a third through in less than a week, which is very speedy reading for me, because I usually don't get round to reading much as I'm always knitting or spinning instead.  But this week when I've been very tired and struggling to sleep, it's been a welcome distraction.  I made the foolish mistake of watching the first episode of the tv series on Netflix.  I really disliked it, the book is just too fresh in my mind, that I got very annoyed by all the departures from the book!  Fortunately, I feel asleep whilst watching it, so it didn't ruin too much.

I am hoping... to have a really productive week, stuck in Yeovil on annual leave and broke!  I need to do some serious sorting and tidying of my flat.  And some planning.  And get lots of sleep.... we'll just have to see how this all pans out.

I am looking forward to... the adventures that await me at the end of the summer - a new, much longed for job and a new home.  The thought of it has awaken so much passion and excitement for my life, despite the undoubted challenges it will bring.  This has been something I've been really missing recently and been feeling very restless about, so it is wonderful to have this renewed energy.

I am learning...  about French gardens.  I've decided that this is what I'll watch next, and it's running in the background as I type.  I love gardens and green spaces, but wow these are on a whole other level, very organized, tidy and elegant, and isn't that just the antithesis of my life.

Around the house...  My crafting corner is taking over!  And driving me scatty.  I really do need to tidy this area over the next few days.  It's the one collection of "stuff" that I can't bring myself to thin out, but certainly the one that keeps growing at an alarming rate and takes up the most space in my flat.  I guess I can't win!  Besides that, the flat is generally messy.  Not particularly dirty, but stuff everywhere, so typical of when I've been on nights.  I've got an overwhelming itch to sort it all... but it's the sort of thing that I refuse to do at this time of day!  And one of those rare events, I have fresh flowers in my flat.  Yay, bright tulips in several colours.  A congratulations present from a dear friend.

I am pondering... on how soon it will be appropriate to start contacting my new hospital to start getting more info from them.  There will be so much to sort out and they will undoubtedly provide me with a lot of the answers to the endless list of questions floating round my head.  But I've only received the job offer a week ago, and that was from a centralised location.  I don't want to be pestering them before they even know of my existence and that they should be expecting me.  I need to take a deep breath and be patient, but this is something I've been wanting for so long, that I'm finding it hard to quell my excited energy!

A favorite quote for today...  I wish I had something profound to say, but I don't.  I suppose on a purely selfish note, it has to the the "congratulations" that I've heard endlessly at the start of my day as I was finally able to start spreading the word of my successful interview to my friends and colleagues at work.  How I will miss these people who have been my extended family over the last few years and who have given me endless support and confidence boosts in the build up to my application and interview.

One of my favorite things... very materialistic, but my spinning wheel.  I can't wait to indulge in lots of spinning over the coming days, annual leave really lends itself to spinning binges.  I find much easier to knit at the end of a busy day of work, that I don't spin very much during the week.  Although having said that, I have so many knitting projects that I really want to crack on with... but I'm sure I'll find a happy compromise to this truly "dreadful" situation that I find myself in!

A few plans for the rest of the week: sort through dvds, file long ignored paper work, sort through my clothes and get rid of things that have become somewhat tatty, stained and holey.  Wish me luck!

A peek into my day...

The ever growing crafting corner, where fibre and yarn are overflowing their bags.

Bright tulips!

 

The sofa besides me - shiny new laptop, knitting stuff, TV remote and my blanket.

(Partaking, for the first time, with The Simple Woman.)

SpinIn

It may have taken me over a week to get round to posting about the SpinIn, but that is by no means a reflection of the awesomeness that was that weekend.

Having been a relative newbie to camping, I was surprised by just how much I enjoyed it.  Being out in a field with such clear skies.  I can't remember the last time I was under such a clear stary sky.  I've missed that experience.  I may be an utter city girl, but there's certain things like a star filled sky that just make my heart sing and provoke such primal feelings in me.  I could just stare for eons, completely lost in it, even if I can barely point out two constellations.  Just shear beauty.  And I love being cosy around a campfire, cider/wine/gingerbeer in hand, and good, even if a little abstract and random, conversation flowing. It kind of goes with the primal thing. It's definitely a reason to do it again.

However, those lovely clear skies which lead to me getting sunburnt during the days, and such beautiful sights at night, lead to very chilly temperatures at night.  I was really glad to have my snuggly Ryeland handspun shawl to wrap around my nose.  The first morning greeted us with a thick fog, which was certainly atmospheric before it burnt off.

I participated in several workshops, so there was plenty of fun shared experiences and chances to learn.  I was pretty tired following an eleven day stretch at work, including a week of long days on call, so I also really enjoyed just sitting back and soaking in the atmosphere.  I didn't get to take my wheel as there just wasn't enough room in the car, so I spindled a bit on my new club spindle, with my new club fibre, which is just the yummiest neutral stoney shades.

 And a dabbling dyer's dream - getting to play with a professional's palette:

This was the product of the the dying session.  It was so much fun and utterly fascinating to be around some many varied expressions of creativity and to see how differently people approached it.  We all got to do three things - mine were a random choice of "ooh, they look like pretty colours" on BFL, an experiment in gradient dying on Falkland, and a fun crazy rainbow attempt on some silk hankies.

There were trips to see the sheep:

And times of just admiring the scenery:

And just plan ol' sitting in a circle of crafting:

It was so much fun and such utter temptation!  My bags came back over flowing with goodies, so much fibre, I think I've pretty much replaced what I spun up during the Tour this year, which is a nice thought... now if only I had the time to actually use some of it up!

It's that time of the year again.

It's the Tour de Fleece, which means, for the first time in ages, I have something worthwhile (well, in my opinion at least!) to blog about.  Actually, there's been lots of things, here and there to blog about, but I've never quite got round to it.  Can you tell the difference between GP land (where I had no on calls or weekend work) which ended at the start of December and being back as a hospital doctor where I've suddenly got no time, and work week long periods of nights, and all sorts of crazy weekend stuff too.  Yup, my last post was at the end of November.  It makes a lot of difference to my time.

So day one of the Tour, and my contributions look a little like this (making the most of the weekend, I splurged!).  Singles of some rainbow gradient dyed BFL, which I will n-ply once I get round to it.  I've never been entirely satisfied with my n-plying on the wheel, so I'm determined to get in some practice with the Tour.

And two out of three batts in Mystique colourway - think sparkly blackcurrent juice and you've nearly got it!  They're from HilltopCloud and contain merino, shetland, tussah silk, yak down and some sparkle).  I picked them up, along with a dusky pink set at Wonderwool this year.  Katie does some amazing stuff, and oh so pretty!  And oh so difficult to resist - see:

The day's collection (rubbish colours as taken last thing at night, and the camera didn't know what to do with itself!):

I also found a bit of time for some knitting today too, finishing off the first of two cushions to be done in natural dyed aran from a recent dye session.  Just had a rinse and is now drying, ready to be sewn up tomorrow, if dried.

I just need to decide how to do the other cushion.  I have plenty of all the colours left, but not as proportionally as much purple.  So I was thinking of strips of some kind, either just plain old stripes of different heights, with perhaps some garter ridges thrown in to break up the stocking stitch - it would look pretty retro, and hopefully cool!  Or something a little more adventurous (and requiring more maths!) like the lizard ridge blanket stitch pattern.

My other knitting project on the go is an aran-style set of baby dungarees, because the pattern is too cute to resist.  They've grown since this photo - they're now just over three completed diamonds high.  The pattern is from the Fyberspates baby collection and is just adorable!

TGCC update 6 - getting there!

1) Mum and dad - clue 2 out of 5 done for my mum's shawl:

2) Gran and grandad
3) Brother - yarn spun and ready for me to make a final decision on a pattern:

4) Aunt and cousin
5) Sarah and Martin
6) The Clark girls - Jenna, Morgan and now Rowan completed too:

7) The Clark baby
8) Conner
 9) Emma
10) Lorri
11) Sam and Kev - Sam's pressie, the spinning of which I'm particularly proud of because for the first time, I got exactly what I was aiming for!

12) Mary - started on a scarf to match a hat I made for her (twice!):

13) Fiona
14) Mrs Spoon


Yup, I'm feeling like I may yet pull this off!

TGCC update 5 - updating the check list

1) Both parents - I've just started a mystery shawl KAL, the last clue comes out in about 5weeks time.  Should just about give me enough time... I hope to give it to Mum for Christmas.  Dad, I still have not the slightest idea.

2) Grandparents - my grandad remains elusive, but maybe something golf related, like a club cover or two.  My gran's shawl is completed, blocked and even wrapped away in tissue paper.

3) Brother - Yarn spun up and drying, and I love it!  Can't wait to get knitting on a hat with it.  Pictures to follow.
4) Aunt and cousin - I have two hats, which are without ownership, they maybe heading here.
5) Sarah and Martin - I have a start of an idea
6) The Clark girls - 90% done - just over half way on Rowan's tunic/dress. Old picture:

7) The Clark baby - done

8) Conner - the raglan sweater is done, and just needs ends sewing in.
9) Emma - There's a very Em hat here, that I think will take on her name, and maybe a little something else ;).
10) Lorri - I've got yarn for a hat.
11) Sam and Kev - I've just spun up some yarn over the weekend, which is drying to make something for Sam, hopefully have made enough.  Not sure about what to do for Kev yet.
12) Mary - I have an idea, but it's big, may have to rethink it to be realistic.
13) Fiona - yarn and pattern picked, just hope the yarn will stretch that far, I'm cutting it fine.
14) Mrs Spoon

Slowly but surely getting there... hopefully things will continue smoothly. 

A week in Derby... and a week in Yeovil

Back on the trains, nine days later... Nine days sounds like so long, but it's really not! It's flown by all too quickly. I wish I could have turned it in to longer. Which is ridiculous, I hardly have a demanding or tiring rotation at the moment. But maybe that's the problem, I know that this week has speed by because I have been so busy and surrounded by those I hold so dear, and I'm heading back towards something which I'm not fully enjoying. It's so silly, I find myself quite conflicted about my feelings towards GP land. It's not what I want to do, I don't want to be there, I'm frustrated by the buses and how expensive they are, my budget is being gobbled up by spending nearly £40 a week on buses plus the couple of misadventures when I've missed my bus and had to pay for a very expensive taxi. And I miss being at the hospital really badly. I miss being hecticly busy, and getting stuck in. I prefer the roles and responsibilities placed on me by hospital practice. And I miss the comeradery if being there, being able to unwind with my contemporaries and the banter you engage in with the nurses, physios, pharmacists and all those people. I get annoyed by my lack of knowledge and constantly (or so it seems) having to ask for help. Yet I don't actually have anything to complain about. Everyone in GP land is very sweet and accommodating, and I do enjoy parts of it, like the variety and the different types of patients - it's fun to do a little paeds. Yet it's by far the least passion I've had for any of my rotations, leaving me sitting here on this train, sad that I'm finished my week of annual leave and that tomorrow I'll be back at work.

....

And then another week later - kinda forgot to finish this post.

So Derby:

 You can just about make out the huge spider and beyond - all the apples wasted during the 3 weeks my parents were away.

 My exciting parcel, all squidged down, was:

 Half a coloured Ryeland shearling fleece, completely raw and ready to be worked on.

 The first soak (and my toes!)

 Disgusting and slightly smelly water after the first soak.

 Subsequent soaks getting clearer.

 I got a chance to finish the sweater for Conner.

And knitted a whole lace shawlette for my gran as part of TGCC.  Here's an early shot.

I spent many long but all too quick hours at Sarah's, with her family and Emma and Connor.  It was such a special time, and something I hold so dear.  To just be, in calm chaotic companionship.  We knitted, gossiped, drank endless cups of tea, went for walks with the girls, did a little cooking, a little cleaning and laundry... And apparently, reading that back, somewhere along the way turned into our mothers!  We also went swimming.  I went to the cinema twice, once with my Mum, as a girls night out when my dad was away overnight for work, and then with Jenna, to give her a chance to do something fun and uninterupted by little people.  I went for a lovely dinner with my wonderful Sam (and there may have been other people there, I forget now! ;)).  Really quite busy with simple nothingness.

And on the Saturday, a special muddy and at times very wet walk with so many of my nearest and dearest.

The Attenborough Nature Reserve - a place for the designing of mischief and meyhem.

 E.g. the grownups getting stuck up trees.

 A place where you have to dress appropriately...

... For puddle stomping...

 ...Saying hello to horses...

... Picnicking...

 ... and tickles...

 Feeding...

 ...and then chasing ducks...

 Adults who don't dress appropriately for these activities will do so at their own risk!

 We did find safer ways to feed the ducks.

 And at the end of it all... well there were smiles all round and everyone survived!

And then we headed back to Sarah's for a nice warming cup of tea, and dress up, for which Kev was very indulgent!

And I wonder why I sit on the train lamenting the end of my annual leave!  But life goes on, but with happy, warm fuzzy feeling inducing memories to keep me going until I next get to see everyone.  Thanks. :)