The future of this blog...

Someone asked me recently what was going to happen with this blog of mine.  And to answer truthfully, I haven't decided yet.  I really enjoyed recording and sharing my life over the last year(ish), so I'd like to continue that.  However, when I'm working 50 hour weeks (despite those silly EU directives) will I have the energy?  The answer is most likely to be no, and most certainly not with the frequency that I have been doing so (last month aside!).  And the other issue is the fact that much of what happens in those 50hours will be things I can't discuss because of confidentiality, regardless of how much I need or want to vent, I just won't be able to without it becoming a slippery slope of saying too much.  And then, those few hours I have outside of work, I'm sure I'll be enjoying them, and living life, but they might not necessarily give an accurate portrayal of me and who I am, being so leisure heavy.  I loved sharing my crafting, but I am more than just that.  And I don't want to do a blog that's about just one aspect of my life, because that was never the purpose of me doing thi.

And then there's the simple aspect of the title of this blog.  No longer a medical student.  So at the very least it's inaccurate, and part of me wonders if I should make a clean break and just start a new one for this new chapter of my life.  Or maybe just change the title of this blog, and continue the book of my life,

I suppose ultimately whatever happens will happen organically.  There's just not much point in trying to plan it too meticulously.  Suffice it to say that life is so very exciting at the moment, and I'm in a very positive place and there's so much to say.  I feel very alive, and the stress and heart break of this past year has been worth it.  And now I have a beautiful, and sometimes bittersweet, reminder of it all in the form of the posts that have accumulated.

So I open it up to anyone out there who cares to share their opinions. 

I feel very loved!

Just a quick note as I'm tired, and it has been a busy day of things to talk about, so I'll do that tomorrow.  I'm now back in Derby, and have had the chance to see my parents for the first time since getting my results.  I think it is an understatement to say my Dad was excited and happy to see me.  He was actually holding back the tears.  In my entire life, I think I can count the number of times I have seen my Dad cry on one hand!  He's clearly been telling anyone and everyone who will listen that his daughter is now a doctor.  And this is what was waiting for me when I got home:

I will need to take a better picture of it, in better light, but yup, he's had a plaque engraved and screwed it to my door.  And inside my room:

Balloons, banners and dozens of beautiful roses.  And a second congratulations card from my parents (having already sent me one in the post to Bristol) and again, actually written by my Dad.

It is safe to say I feel really loved and celebrated today.  It was just what I needed after a very emotionally and physically exhausting day.  I love my Daddy and am so glad to have made him so proud.

Mixed emotions

I feel so conflicted.  I'm so excited about the adventures that lie ahead for me, but at the same time, so sad about what I leave behind.  Bristol is home.  My Mom may hate it when I say that, but Bristol is home.  And it's been my home for nearly seven years.  It has given me life, hope, fun, tears, laughter, excitment, development.  It's the place where I came of age, and came into myself after a difficult four years in Derby.  I was so unhappy in Derby, especially when compared to how I have been in Bristol.  I got my life back here.  It was the best place in the world for me.  I've met amazing people, worked here, played here, studied here.  Everything.  I love it here.  And I really wish I wasn't leaving. 

I've been telling people that I'm in a suspended state.  Nothing feels real.  But now that I'm packing, I can't avoid the reality anymore.  I am leaving.  I'm saying goodbye to my friends and all the inanimate objects that I hold so dear - the places, the shops, the views.

I know I'm leaving for new adventures, via a recharge of the batteries in Derby.  I'm so excited about that, with some to-be-expected nerves.  It's a dream come true, and one that wouldn't have true without my beloved city.  I'm trying not to leave with a heavy heart.  But it's hard.  And there's still so much unknown ahead.  And that's a bit scary, if I'm being honest.  What will life in Yeovil be like?  What will life as a doctor be like?  It's something I've desired for so long, but I don't think anything can prepare me for the actual life of a doctor.  And I'm sitting here alone in my now mostly packed up flat, with all these thoughts running through my head.  And I really wish there was something to distract me from it all.  But there's nothing.  I can't avoid the boxes, or the fact that the removals man is coming at 10:30am tomorrow, and I've run out of boxes, as well as the motivation to squeeze things into the little space I have left in my boxes.  Tomorrow is going to be an early start, I'm going to rush out and get more boxes, and some breakfast that I can eat without cutlery or plates!

I suppose I better get on with it, if nothing else,  I need to head to bed and get some sleep in prep for another busy day.  My last full day as a Bristol resident.  I wish I had the opportunity to do it justice... but at least I had a chance to do some of that stuff at the weekend with the Clarks.