Has it really been that long?

I've been on call today, and for the first time, chatting with various nurses, it dawned on me.  I have just two days left of my current placement.  And who would have ever thought it, but it actually fills me with a great deal of sadness.  In the two and a half months since I last blogged (!) I've come to love my job.  I've found my rhythm and I can actually say I enjoy my job.  There are now only fleeting moments when I'm feeling a little swamped that I slightly begrudge it all.  And I actually feel like I can cope, actually, it feels rather natural too, and dare I say it, at times I actually think I may be rather good at it.  There are moments when clearly I'm not... but still!  I can't believe how far I've come in what is such a short amount of time.  I've just read back at my previous few entries, and I feel like a different person to that overwhelmed and green doctor.  I still can't quite believe that this is where I am now, and that I'm actually here, doing this, that thing that was a pipe dream for so long.  And now, I have to prepare myself for all new adventures in my next rotation.

So, what have I been doing since I last posted?  Well, besides that crazy 10 hour days that I barely notice anymore, and sleeping, I have:
1) been on holiday to Dublin with Lorri, which was fun and exciting, and soooooo grown up - a girls weekend away.  With complimentary champagne courtesy of the hotel apologising for the 5am fire alarm, facials, shopping, getting Lorri to love and stroke the pretty yarns at the local yarn shop, Japanese cocktails over sushi and tasty food, the search for "real" Irish music, sipping Guiness whilst posing for photos, and then ditching the foul tasting stuff, looking in the window of EVERY jewellry shop we past, being gently reminded of the violent and colourful history of the country, crazy traffic lights with awesome robotic sounds, kicking up the leaves on St Stephen's green, admiring the beautiful autumn around us!  It was awesome, thanks Lorri!

2) Buying more stuff for crafting that I could even begin to think I had the time for!  But I have still squeezed in several hats, a couple of cowls, a couple of adult jumpers, a couple of scarfs, two pairs of socks, 100g of spun fibre.

3) Spending Halloween in Bristol with my nearest and dearest, after spending the day at Fibreflurry with Mary (bless her!) then shopping at the Bullring, on a whim!  Playing mini-golf and not coming last!

4) Many meals out, some just because, some to unwind, some to catch up, some for celebrating being paid!

5) Making peace with my SHO long enough to have a lovely photo taken with him and the other two doctors on my ward.

6) Obtaining 2.6kg of alpaca fleece, which I have no idea when I'll ever get round to finish washing, let alone picking, carding and spinning!

7) Enjoying Yeovil and pretty sunsets over the hospital

And that pretty much sums up the last few months for me.  It's not been too bad at all, and boy has it sped past!

Oh Bristol, how I've missed you.

Bristol was everything I was hoping for, my solace and my calm.  How is it that a place, a simple city can just inject me with life and make me feel so... so... so. . . renewed.   How I've missed it.  And the people and the shops and all those other familiar things that I hold so dear about it.  As soon as I started seeing some of the old familiar places on the train, I couldn't hide my grin.  It's reminded me like never before, I will most likely end up in Bristol, I gravitate towards that place and no where else makes me feel so at home and so complete.

And what did I do in Bristol?  I saw Mary, but unfortunately no one else, since people were working or away.   And I went shopping.  Lots of shopping... dangerous shopping.  Mostly things I've been putting off for a while, like some new clothes for work.  And then some purely special treats.  Like a new camera, an idea that I've been toying with for about a year.  And something truely indulgent, to symbolise my achievements.  I wanted something special and enduring.  And hey, just because I don't have someone in my life to buy it for me, why can't I buy my own little bit of very special jewellry:

I love my little bit of bling.  Perhaps a bit silly and dreadfully materialistic of me to be buying diamonds and saphires, but I don't care.  I love it, and it really is a special symbol of what I've acheived to get here and how long and hard I've been working to get to this point in my life. (the truely indulgent part is when I go back next month or whenever I get round to it and buy the matching earings!!)

But most imporantly, this weekend was all about relaxing and unwinding after a really hectic two weeks, and I've certainly managed to do that.

I feel very loved!

Just a quick note as I'm tired, and it has been a busy day of things to talk about, so I'll do that tomorrow.  I'm now back in Derby, and have had the chance to see my parents for the first time since getting my results.  I think it is an understatement to say my Dad was excited and happy to see me.  He was actually holding back the tears.  In my entire life, I think I can count the number of times I have seen my Dad cry on one hand!  He's clearly been telling anyone and everyone who will listen that his daughter is now a doctor.  And this is what was waiting for me when I got home:

I will need to take a better picture of it, in better light, but yup, he's had a plaque engraved and screwed it to my door.  And inside my room:

Balloons, banners and dozens of beautiful roses.  And a second congratulations card from my parents (having already sent me one in the post to Bristol) and again, actually written by my Dad.

It is safe to say I feel really loved and celebrated today.  It was just what I needed after a very emotionally and physically exhausting day.  I love my Daddy and am so glad to have made him so proud.

Mixed emotions

I feel so conflicted.  I'm so excited about the adventures that lie ahead for me, but at the same time, so sad about what I leave behind.  Bristol is home.  My Mom may hate it when I say that, but Bristol is home.  And it's been my home for nearly seven years.  It has given me life, hope, fun, tears, laughter, excitment, development.  It's the place where I came of age, and came into myself after a difficult four years in Derby.  I was so unhappy in Derby, especially when compared to how I have been in Bristol.  I got my life back here.  It was the best place in the world for me.  I've met amazing people, worked here, played here, studied here.  Everything.  I love it here.  And I really wish I wasn't leaving. 

I've been telling people that I'm in a suspended state.  Nothing feels real.  But now that I'm packing, I can't avoid the reality anymore.  I am leaving.  I'm saying goodbye to my friends and all the inanimate objects that I hold so dear - the places, the shops, the views.

I know I'm leaving for new adventures, via a recharge of the batteries in Derby.  I'm so excited about that, with some to-be-expected nerves.  It's a dream come true, and one that wouldn't have true without my beloved city.  I'm trying not to leave with a heavy heart.  But it's hard.  And there's still so much unknown ahead.  And that's a bit scary, if I'm being honest.  What will life in Yeovil be like?  What will life as a doctor be like?  It's something I've desired for so long, but I don't think anything can prepare me for the actual life of a doctor.  And I'm sitting here alone in my now mostly packed up flat, with all these thoughts running through my head.  And I really wish there was something to distract me from it all.  But there's nothing.  I can't avoid the boxes, or the fact that the removals man is coming at 10:30am tomorrow, and I've run out of boxes, as well as the motivation to squeeze things into the little space I have left in my boxes.  Tomorrow is going to be an early start, I'm going to rush out and get more boxes, and some breakfast that I can eat without cutlery or plates!

I suppose I better get on with it, if nothing else,  I need to head to bed and get some sleep in prep for another busy day.  My last full day as a Bristol resident.  I wish I had the opportunity to do it justice... but at least I had a chance to do some of that stuff at the weekend with the Clarks.

Catching up (aka. procrastinating)

I'm supposed to be packing.  I hate packing.  And I'm bunged up thanks to the tail end of a mild cold from the weekend.  My ear is popping like mad and I feel not quite of this planet... somewhat floating.  It's hard to concentrate on anything serious.  Just wanna sleep and veg.... but oh well.  I decided I'd make a start on a catch up post.  My poor little flat has been so deliciously crowded and noisy over the last couple of weeks.  Such a change from just me wondering round.  It's also a bit of a tip, because it's a tad bit packed, laundry everywhere (I want everything to be clean and fresh before it goes into storage), knitting/fibre everywhere, new books (on sock knitting, natural dyeing and spinning), I've been to lazy to doing the dishes (made a start this morning, they're drying naturally before I do the second batch).  Yup, it's a mess and chaotic, and right now I really just couldn't be bothered, with any of it.  I just want to sit here and ignore it all.  But soon time will pressure me into it all.  I have a provisional leaving day of Thursday, so I REALLY need to get a move on!... but not now.  Let me share the last few days.

I've mentioned the important things.  Yes, I am now a doctor.  Apparently.  It's a strange anticlimax.  It was this stressful build up and to be honest, I don't really feel any different.  I *know* that things are about to change, and I seem to be getting on with the planning, but it doesn't really feel like it's actually happening.  I think that when I start the job, this might be different.  But for now it's this surreal daze of "okay... now what?"  Maybe part of this is to do with the fact that I have so many distractions.

The Clarks arrived on Wednesday, after my morning nap to get over the night shifts.  My tiny one bed flat was very quickly childed!  My teddies were claimed, corners explored and things got into that I thought were suitably out of reach or at least temptation way.  After their long journey and my mucked up body clock, we mainly settled for a lazy afternoon at home.  As it was starting to cool down, we headed to the park, to burn off energy, to get some fresh air and to have a little picnic the the beautiful weather.

Unfortunately, our trip to the park was marred by Morgan falling over.  Sarah decided it was best to get her checked out as she fell onto a rusty nail and there's always a worry of tetanus with things like that.  Fortunately she was fine.  And made it back for a rather late night of cramming on my little sofa and having cuddles.

On Thursday, we went to the Suspension Bridge and the camera obscura.  I love the camera, it's such old, simple technology, but so effective.  Unfortunately, I forgot my camera, so no photos.  After we got back, there was the tense wait for the results email.  Then celebrating, swimming, more friends round for champagne and fun.

My Bristol friends on the whole don't spend much time around little people, but they were all so gentle and sweet with the kids.  I really couldn't ask for more amazing friends with which to spend such a special day.

Friday was another very long busy day.  Since I am now officially leaving Bristol, I thought I should try do some of the things that I've been meaning to do for the last seven years, but never quite got round to.  SO we caught a ferry, went to @Bristol and the aquarium.  @Bristol was amazing, so much fun, and so interactive.  And the planetarium was awesome!

 Exploring a veggie bed whilst waiting in Castle Park for the ferry

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We rushed round the aquarium at breakneck speed so we could see the imax 3D screening, which rocked!  And then we attempted to go around again but didn't really go much slower.  We did manage to catch up with one of the feeding times which was really well done.  The girl who did it was really informative and told us lots of things about the various fish and turtles in that tank.

Afterwards, we descending on the fountains in the square outside the museums to cool down, relax and have ice creams in the late afternoon sunshine.

Paddy very kindly invited us round for dinner, and let the girls play on his wii, the baby had fun climbing into the washing machine and waving at people walking past down below from the balcony.

Saturday was a lazy, more self-indulgent day.  After all the long days and late nights, and my cold rearing it's ugly head, I think us grown ups were feeling less and less motivated.  Sarah and I abandoned small people with daddy and headed to Get Knitted to indulge ourselves in all things yarnie.  And we totally didn't buy over 20 balls of on sale Sublime...

Sunday was a slow day at home, with a roast dinner before my visitors headed home.  And now it's back to the quite of my flat and the hassle of packing.  But before I do... some of the new pretty colours and toys in my life:

My absolutely beautiful new spindle from Wildcraft.

And I think it is officially the first time my Dad has actually written me a card.  That sort of thing is usually left to my mom to sort out.

Now really must get on with some somethingness.