It's just gone 12.20, and I am sitting here, having just had a cuppa and some lunch, feeling rather smug with myself. I have already clerked two patients today... admittedly still have to write up my examination findings, but all in all, they both went ok. Finished with good amounts to spare on both and I think I covered most things. I actually surprised myself with how slick it felt during my examinations... maybe (as much as I hate to admit it!) maybe this was one of the issues from last year, but either way, at least it is improving!
Still have to make a decision with regards the weekend. But at least I have done my minimum of two clerkings, so if I get offered a lift back this afternoon I can take it, and then maybe think of coming back tomorrow or Sunday.
Must go and write up the clerkings, especially as haven't done yesterdays either... they're starting to pile up! Ooops!
Friday, 30 April 2010
Thursday, 29 April 2010
Day three - oh weekend, where are you?
Day three - two clerkings done. Ran over time on both. Really need to work on this. Presented one of the cases to a housemate, and he gave me lots of food for thought, which didn't make me feel overly positive about my performance or my presentation. Really need to work on this too. So all in all, not feeling wildly positive about the day's achievements. Or maybe I'm just reflecting the grey, drizzily cold weather?
It's not that I'm really hating doing the clerkings. I actually feel really ambivalent about them. Neither positive nor negative, they just are. It's just the hassle of doing them. The trying to find patients, working around meals, scans, visiting hours etc. This has always been a major beef of mine with regards to this whole clerking malarkey. We're just doing it to fill a portfolio, and to pass an exam. It actually seems so pointless and irrelevant. I actually quite enjoy it when I have something positive to contribute to patient care, and they're all shiny new to the hospital. And you have some input to their tests and management. It's more like the job than this bugging patients on the wards, especially when they're already all fed up of us bugging them.
And it's scaring the life out of me. Only a week and a half until we are no longer allowed on the wards. In a way this makes me want to stay over the weekend. So I can be super-eager (read: driven by utter fear) and go in everyday. But I really want to go back to Bristol. To my flat, my spindle, my Sky plus and my friends (not necessarily in that order). I'm going a bit stir crazy here in Weston, especially on days where the weather gets you down too. I've also fallen into the trap of having no cash on me, so I can't even jump on a bus and go to the cinema or something like that, just to get a change of scenery. The nearest cash machine is about a 25min walk away, and not something I want to do in the drizzly ran without a coat (I wasn't expecting this rubbish weather!!). I just don't know what to do. And I need to make up my mind so I can catch the people who are likely to be able to give me a lift back to Bristol.
Yup, it's just one of those days were I just want to moan!
It's not that I'm really hating doing the clerkings. I actually feel really ambivalent about them. Neither positive nor negative, they just are. It's just the hassle of doing them. The trying to find patients, working around meals, scans, visiting hours etc. This has always been a major beef of mine with regards to this whole clerking malarkey. We're just doing it to fill a portfolio, and to pass an exam. It actually seems so pointless and irrelevant. I actually quite enjoy it when I have something positive to contribute to patient care, and they're all shiny new to the hospital. And you have some input to their tests and management. It's more like the job than this bugging patients on the wards, especially when they're already all fed up of us bugging them.
And it's scaring the life out of me. Only a week and a half until we are no longer allowed on the wards. In a way this makes me want to stay over the weekend. So I can be super-eager (read: driven by utter fear) and go in everyday. But I really want to go back to Bristol. To my flat, my spindle, my Sky plus and my friends (not necessarily in that order). I'm going a bit stir crazy here in Weston, especially on days where the weather gets you down too. I've also fallen into the trap of having no cash on me, so I can't even jump on a bus and go to the cinema or something like that, just to get a change of scenery. The nearest cash machine is about a 25min walk away, and not something I want to do in the drizzly ran without a coat (I wasn't expecting this rubbish weather!!). I just don't know what to do. And I need to make up my mind so I can catch the people who are likely to be able to give me a lift back to Bristol.
Yup, it's just one of those days were I just want to moan!
Day two - still sticking to it... but begrudgingly
Just a quick update tonight as hardly anything to say. Just mainly confirming that I did manage to clerk two patients today. They were both ortho, so if nothing else it will be good practise for my ortho job as an F2. Not much of an ortho fan, it has to be said, so I'm sure they weren't my best ever clerkings.
Found it even harder to get going today, and am currently feeling rather wiped out, despite having a coffee this evening for the first time in simply ages. And truth be told (and sorry if it's TMI) I'm feeling a little hormonal. Not in the crazy angry woman PMT kind of way, but in the week before my period where all I want to do is eat and eat (mmm, carbs!) and my breast's hurt and I loose my concentration very easily... ahhh the delights of being female. But rather now than in a couple of weeks when my exam is actually in front of me and I have to cope with that and being of the XX genotype.
But female rant over. Off to bed, and hopefully more sleep so tomorrow isn't quite such an effort.
Found it even harder to get going today, and am currently feeling rather wiped out, despite having a coffee this evening for the first time in simply ages. And truth be told (and sorry if it's TMI) I'm feeling a little hormonal. Not in the crazy angry woman PMT kind of way, but in the week before my period where all I want to do is eat and eat (mmm, carbs!) and my breast's hurt and I loose my concentration very easily... ahhh the delights of being female. But rather now than in a couple of weeks when my exam is actually in front of me and I have to cope with that and being of the XX genotype.
But female rant over. Off to bed, and hopefully more sleep so tomorrow isn't quite such an effort.
Tuesday, 27 April 2010
Day one - and sticking to it!
The events of yesterday have really haunted me over the last 24 hours. I had a really restless night sleep, waking up on several occasions and struggling to get back to sleep without spending ages obssessing over it all. And as a result, this morning I didn't really feel the whole "bright eyed, bushy tailed" thing going on... far from it. I felt really unrefreshed and not very proactive. So it took me quite a while to get going and get to the wards. But I did, by about 10am. And I clerked a patient. I was fairly happy with how it went. Not sure I would have got his diagnosis if I had been the doctor that first saw him, but flicking through the notes afterwards, I don't think that his first doctor did completely, so that was reassuring. What I was most happy with was that I really nailed the timing, had 10mins to spare, which I'm really proud of. And yes there were a couple of things that I forgot (kicked myself when I remembered afterwards), but they were pretty minor, and would have most likely only accounted for a couple more minutes at most. Timing was definitely something I struggled with last year, so it's an improvement.
I had teaching over lunch and then my coursemates and I sat around having a really mellow half hour before heading on with our days. I did a little bit of work, and finished writing up my examination from the morning. Then I hit the wards again. Annoyingly took ages to find a patient who didn't have visitors, wasn't asleep, wasn't confused, wasn't acutely poorly and wasn't immediately post surgery. It was so frustrating and quite a waste of time. But I did find a lovely patient to clerk who had an interesting story and was very sweet to talk to, although she did ask me to stop before I had finished my examination as she was getting a lot of pain and couldn't cope any more. So that was a little disappointing, but totally within her rights. And I reckon I was doing ok timewise, so happy with that too.
And that's it, I did my two clerkings that I had aimed to do, and I feel really good about it. I'm sure I'll get a much better sleep tonight and feel more pro-active tomorrow. And dare I say, shall I aim to clerk three patients? Might be pushing it, so maybe will set a MINIMUM of two instead.
I had teaching over lunch and then my coursemates and I sat around having a really mellow half hour before heading on with our days. I did a little bit of work, and finished writing up my examination from the morning. Then I hit the wards again. Annoyingly took ages to find a patient who didn't have visitors, wasn't asleep, wasn't confused, wasn't acutely poorly and wasn't immediately post surgery. It was so frustrating and quite a waste of time. But I did find a lovely patient to clerk who had an interesting story and was very sweet to talk to, although she did ask me to stop before I had finished my examination as she was getting a lot of pain and couldn't cope any more. So that was a little disappointing, but totally within her rights. And I reckon I was doing ok timewise, so happy with that too.
And that's it, I did my two clerkings that I had aimed to do, and I feel really good about it. I'm sure I'll get a much better sleep tonight and feel more pro-active tomorrow. And dare I say, shall I aim to clerk three patients? Might be pushing it, so maybe will set a MINIMUM of two instead.
Monday, 26 April 2010
Bluebell update
The wait is nearly over. I hope that by Friday, it will be in full bloom and absolutely amazing! Already seeing so much change since I last went and visited there, just last Wednesday. Getting so excited, but also slightly worried that I have built it up and built it up and it won't be all that great. But hey, it's something that brightens my days and gives me something to look forward to.
I was relieved to see that for a change, i wasn't the only one there with my camera out, although I did feel a little inadequate with my little happy-snappy compared to this photographer:
I know it isn't the best photo, didn't want to get too stalker-ish close! His camera had the most enormous lens. I bet he was getting great pics!
I also took a longer walk around the back of The Hill. I always am enchanted about how remote and wild it seems, yet it really is just minutes away from the hospital and the house that I live in. Truely fantastic.
And to add to the country-ness of it all, I went and said hello to the cows that are now grazing on The Hill, as part of maintaining the natural ecosystem.
And talking of the natural cycle of things, the field of buttercups from just a couple of weeks ago is decidedly less yellow. Maybe the cows have really been enjoying the flowers!
And on to the slightly less bright and cheery outdoorsiness of these rambles of mine. I have exchanged several emails with the Prof regarding my practise long case with him since Friday's little incident. He's been asking me to think about what went wrong, and now he seems worried about my uncertainty. He said I should look back and be self-critical. He doesn't seem satisfied with my saying that I really don't know what it was. I tried to explain that with the second long case, I was very nervous in light of having not done well enough in the first attempt, and that I thought that this had affected my performance. He really didn't seem to like this, saying something along the lines of nerves having no place at my stage, and that practicing medicine is all about high pressure situations. But I know that I'm not normally nervous. I normally handle the pressure really well and that these nerves were in a very specific situation, and one that I won't really be coming across in my day-to-day work.
Cutting a long story short, I really am starting to feel sick in the pit of my stomach when I think of it all. I'm hating this pressure of expectation and to be honest, pure dread. I'm really going to have to do something, no excuses now, this is it. I have to do this, and in the next three weeks before my exam, I'm going to have to do everything I can to put myself in good stead and get over all this negativity and worry. No more excuses, I have to hit the wards tomorrow, and clerk like mad, despite me hating the process of annoying patients! And to this end, I'm going to be honest and accountable and keep a daily tally of how many patients I see. I'm aiming for two a day. I'll post everyday how I'm doing with this.
And so to bed, for an early night and a productive day tomorrow.
I also took a longer walk around the back of The Hill. I always am enchanted about how remote and wild it seems, yet it really is just minutes away from the hospital and the house that I live in. Truely fantastic.
And on to the slightly less bright and cheery outdoorsiness of these rambles of mine. I have exchanged several emails with the Prof regarding my practise long case with him since Friday's little incident. He's been asking me to think about what went wrong, and now he seems worried about my uncertainty. He said I should look back and be self-critical. He doesn't seem satisfied with my saying that I really don't know what it was. I tried to explain that with the second long case, I was very nervous in light of having not done well enough in the first attempt, and that I thought that this had affected my performance. He really didn't seem to like this, saying something along the lines of nerves having no place at my stage, and that practicing medicine is all about high pressure situations. But I know that I'm not normally nervous. I normally handle the pressure really well and that these nerves were in a very specific situation, and one that I won't really be coming across in my day-to-day work.
Cutting a long story short, I really am starting to feel sick in the pit of my stomach when I think of it all. I'm hating this pressure of expectation and to be honest, pure dread. I'm really going to have to do something, no excuses now, this is it. I have to do this, and in the next three weeks before my exam, I'm going to have to do everything I can to put myself in good stead and get over all this negativity and worry. No more excuses, I have to hit the wards tomorrow, and clerk like mad, despite me hating the process of annoying patients! And to this end, I'm going to be honest and accountable and keep a daily tally of how many patients I see. I'm aiming for two a day. I'll post everyday how I'm doing with this.
And so to bed, for an early night and a productive day tomorrow.
Sunday, 25 April 2010
It's all about the spinning therapy
I have finished my silk hankie yarn. I had a few issues with it, mainly a huge knot that I must have spent more than an hour trying to undo, before I took the heart breaking action of cutting it. I'm so happy with how this turned out. It's so far from perfect, and my spinning skills still have a lot of developing to do. But it's so beautiful. 35 yards of yarn bliss. I have no idea what to do with it, as it's such a small amount of yarn.
I really enjoyed spinning with the silk hankie, and it's quite an easy and forgiving fibre to work with. Can't wait to spin up the ones that I dyed over Easter.
And to overcome the running out of wool from the Spinning Weal, I found somewhere online that does very cheap wool and I treated myself to 200g BFL top, 100g merino top, both undyed and 100g of blended dyed merino in a blues colourway.
I've spun with the BFL a little and it was quite hard to work with compared to the Portland that Sarah at Spinning Weal recommended for a starter spinner. I can see why she said it was too soft for beginners. I was beginning to get the knack for it, and start to finally get some more even single out of it when my spindle broke! So it's spent most of the day being glued back together with superglue. I'm looking forward to using the BFL some more. It's so soft and fluffy. Absolutely gorgeous. I have also decided that I shouldn't pre-draft anymore, it's cheating really, and I should try master drafting. It's the final end goal of spinning techniques, so the sooner I start, the better.
The knitting is still going slowly. I'm loving the shawl and how it's looking. I have recieved my second skein of the wool, after an appeal on Ravelry, although I'm still miles off needing to use it. Unfortunately revising really does have to come first.
And to overcome the running out of wool from the Spinning Weal, I found somewhere online that does very cheap wool and I treated myself to 200g BFL top, 100g merino top, both undyed and 100g of blended dyed merino in a blues colourway.
The knitting is still going slowly. I'm loving the shawl and how it's looking. I have recieved my second skein of the wool, after an appeal on Ravelry, although I'm still miles off needing to use it. Unfortunately revising really does have to come first.
Saturday, 24 April 2010
Taking it one step at a time
Following my rather dispondent post yesterday, I thought I'd give a more positive update. I had a fairly relaxing afternoon, just revising and wondering round town a little. I then went and hung out with my friend Mary for her last couple of hours at work. She was having a crazy busy day, so I did what I could to help her out. I had wanted to try and do a practise long case with her, but it was nearly 7pm before she finished, so we decided that it was all a bit too much. So we went out for drinks and dinner with Harry, Claire and DOm. It was an amazingly great way to relax and just take things a little easy. It was definitely the chance to unwind that I needed. And then I got a really good night sleep. So I'm feeling a lot better now and a lot more positive about things. I have arranged my practice long case with the Prof for just before my exam, so hopefully I'll have everything fresh in my mind and very slick. I've got to stay positive and keep the end goal in mind. I CAN do this... by just taking it one step at a time.
Friday, 23 April 2010
Using tears to get my own way (inadvertently)
Also known as: accidently crying in front of someone who you respect and has clout in the university to arrange extra teaching/feedback even though he has told several people that he no longer has time to do this.
I feel so ashamed about having blubbed today in front of one of the Profs. So embarrassing. But he was going on about the people who failed last year and how that only two (out of about 280) people failed last year, solely on the basis of their long case, and that they were mostly failing across the board. This makes me know I'm a member of a very exclusive group of just two. How special am I?
And this was also after having just watched one of my friends do a mock long case with him. She was dreadfully nervous and it hadn't gone very well. He described her as borderline and that if it had been her second chance long case, he would have passed her. Because they want people to pass. They really do. And that leaves me just thinking, hey, how bad could my second chance long case have gone last year for them not to have passed me. That's just not fair. I know that it was different examiners, and maybe if he had been my examiner last year, I wouldn't be writing this... But I am, and that just outright sucks.
And combine that with four hours of sleep (totally my own choice), it was just a little too much for me to cope with. And well, for the first time in about 6 or 7 months, I cried about the situation I find myself in this year. I mean, it wasn't hysterical crying, it was more the silent loosing battle against the welling up of tears. And it wasn't one of my proudest moments, not by a long shot. And I hate that. I hate that I cried in front of him, a friend and three people I don't really know. I hate that I wasn't strong enough to just let it pass over me. I hate that I got so emotional. I hate that this is only about the 4th or 5th time I've cried about having failed.
I was doing so well and being so strong. And now this. It feels like a set back. And I know this is just a form of grief - judge me all you want, but my career is my life. It's something I've nutured for the best part of a decade. Not passing was like loosing a huge part of me. It was more than not passing an exam. It was the job I had lined up, the faith and pride and hope that others had in me, the financial implications, the lifestyle I was preparing for, the friends moving on. It was a loss, this is grief. Just a very abstract "thing" to have lost. Not a person or an animal. But it was me. Everything I stood for and everything I had worked for for all those years. I was shaken to the core, and had to re-evaluate everything. I've never for one second stopped wanting this, and to achieve it, but it's been hard. Harder than I usually like to admit. Yes, a lot of the time, I have just got on with it, and it's just been life. I don't know any different, and it's just something that I have to do to get where I want to go. But today has made me realise a lot. And this is the first time I've really openly expressed this. It's really brought out how I'm feeling about everything and all the things I've tried with great success to repress with obsessive knitting and yarning. But if I'm been honest with myself, it's always been there, just under the surface, waiting until I was in an intense, cozy setting and in front of someone I really respect to just all come out.
I feel so ashamed about having blubbed today in front of one of the Profs. So embarrassing. But he was going on about the people who failed last year and how that only two (out of about 280) people failed last year, solely on the basis of their long case, and that they were mostly failing across the board. This makes me know I'm a member of a very exclusive group of just two. How special am I?
And this was also after having just watched one of my friends do a mock long case with him. She was dreadfully nervous and it hadn't gone very well. He described her as borderline and that if it had been her second chance long case, he would have passed her. Because they want people to pass. They really do. And that leaves me just thinking, hey, how bad could my second chance long case have gone last year for them not to have passed me. That's just not fair. I know that it was different examiners, and maybe if he had been my examiner last year, I wouldn't be writing this... But I am, and that just outright sucks.
And combine that with four hours of sleep (totally my own choice), it was just a little too much for me to cope with. And well, for the first time in about 6 or 7 months, I cried about the situation I find myself in this year. I mean, it wasn't hysterical crying, it was more the silent loosing battle against the welling up of tears. And it wasn't one of my proudest moments, not by a long shot. And I hate that. I hate that I cried in front of him, a friend and three people I don't really know. I hate that I wasn't strong enough to just let it pass over me. I hate that I got so emotional. I hate that this is only about the 4th or 5th time I've cried about having failed.
I was doing so well and being so strong. And now this. It feels like a set back. And I know this is just a form of grief - judge me all you want, but my career is my life. It's something I've nutured for the best part of a decade. Not passing was like loosing a huge part of me. It was more than not passing an exam. It was the job I had lined up, the faith and pride and hope that others had in me, the financial implications, the lifestyle I was preparing for, the friends moving on. It was a loss, this is grief. Just a very abstract "thing" to have lost. Not a person or an animal. But it was me. Everything I stood for and everything I had worked for for all those years. I was shaken to the core, and had to re-evaluate everything. I've never for one second stopped wanting this, and to achieve it, but it's been hard. Harder than I usually like to admit. Yes, a lot of the time, I have just got on with it, and it's just been life. I don't know any different, and it's just something that I have to do to get where I want to go. But today has made me realise a lot. And this is the first time I've really openly expressed this. It's really brought out how I'm feeling about everything and all the things I've tried with great success to repress with obsessive knitting and yarning. But if I'm been honest with myself, it's always been there, just under the surface, waiting until I was in an intense, cozy setting and in front of someone I really respect to just all come out.
Wednesday, 21 April 2010
So nearly there!
With the wool fleece all but finished (and now all in my freezer - apparently there's a risk of nasty little bugs that eat wool, and since my stash has become increasingly valuable, I've taken preventative action), I've moved onto the only other thing I had in my flat to spin. The silk hanky I made on the dye your own workshop back in February. It did look a little something like this before I got my grubby spindling hands on it!
It is now going through the most beautiful transformation, which is leaving me wishing that I had more as it's so pretty when spun. I have to carefully peel away the layers to get a single stretched out cocoon at a time, predrafting (necessary here, rather than a beginner's cheat!) and spinning. *sigh*
It's working out so beautifully and so much the colours that I love in life. It's also coming out very fine and quite even. Can you tell that I'm so in love with this!? I've left it in Bristol as I returned to Weston today. There's just about five more cocoons to do. It's going to be such a short length, especially if I ply it. So am tempted to leave it as an ultra fine single.
So back in Weston. I was fairly good today in terms of doing revison and going into the hospital. So I rewarded myself with a long stroll around my favourite haunts and some new ones, armed with my camera. I took loads of photos, so many of which I've very impressed with, and somewhat proud. I don't think I could really put them all up here, but I have uploaded my album here, on google albums, if anyone wants to check them out. I had a short list of 24, which I decicided I had to wittle down to just (!) these:
The bluebells are the inspiration for my blog title, they're teasing me with how close they are to blanketing the field!
The sun was almost directly behind this tree, giving it the most gorgeous halo effect on the photos! Pretty.
Spot the cat (?maybe a dog, not sure, was too far away to see!)
Then I decided to get some interesting perspective shots of the back end of The Hill, and show different views of the church. The shear rock face is stunning and makes for a really interesting positioning of the church, which I don't think my previous posts have got across.
So back in Weston. I was fairly good today in terms of doing revison and going into the hospital. So I rewarded myself with a long stroll around my favourite haunts and some new ones, armed with my camera. I took loads of photos, so many of which I've very impressed with, and somewhat proud. I don't think I could really put them all up here, but I have uploaded my album here, on google albums, if anyone wants to check them out. I had a short list of 24, which I decicided I had to wittle down to just (!) these:
Then I decided to get some interesting perspective shots of the back end of The Hill, and show different views of the church. The shear rock face is stunning and makes for a really interesting positioning of the church, which I don't think my previous posts have got across.
I love the humour of this photo. The boats all lined up in the dry(ish) docks. Clearly their owner's pride and joy. All neatly lined up in their slots. And then there's this tiny little row boat in the line. A serious case of mine's bigger than yours going on!
I only noticed when I got home that this shot, of trying to get perspective on the cliff, managed to capture a bird of some sort, soaring high above me! Very cool!
Trying to capture the bird on the branch, sitting next to the bird in the nest. But bird number one decided to give me an action shot instead, which was also pretty darn cool.
All in all, a lovely stroll out in the sunshine. Still full of so much promise of things to come, ready to brighten up my revision dreary days.
Tuesday, 20 April 2010
Ode to awkward conversations
I was wearing my South African rugby shirt when I went to the shops earlier to grab some milk and dinner. At the checkout, the following conversation was had between myself and the cashier:
Cashier: Ohhh, my daughter's just been there a couple of months ago
Me: oh,that's nice.
C: Yeah, she really enjoyed Australia
M: umm... this is South African, but you know, that's okay, the two teams have similar colours
C: oh, it was just that I saw that animal and thought it was a kangaroo, but no, I see now it's a deer.
M: Actually it's a springbok
C: Oh, I'm just going to keep my mouth shut now, people are happier when I do!
M: Oh, no don't worry, it's fine... honestly, it's okay
C: I'll just keep quiet.
Awkward! Lol! And to think that the springbok (which has "SA Rugby" written directly underneath it) was a kangaroo!?!? Oh well!
It was slightly reassuring to know that people other than me make these silly little gaffs, although at the same time slightly worrying, I was really hoping to one day grow out of these socially awkward moments, but this lady was quite old (mid-50s?). Maybe there really is no hope for me! Lol!
Cashier: Ohhh, my daughter's just been there a couple of months ago
Me: oh,that's nice.
C: Yeah, she really enjoyed Australia
M: umm... this is South African, but you know, that's okay, the two teams have similar colours
C: oh, it was just that I saw that animal and thought it was a kangaroo, but no, I see now it's a deer.
M: Actually it's a springbok
C: Oh, I'm just going to keep my mouth shut now, people are happier when I do!
M: Oh, no don't worry, it's fine... honestly, it's okay
C: I'll just keep quiet.
Awkward! Lol! And to think that the springbok (which has "SA Rugby" written directly underneath it) was a kangaroo!?!? Oh well!
Living a full and varied life
This was the aim of my blog. To remind myself to live a full and varied life. But have I really been doing this? I'm not always so sure.
I think on the whole, this blog has been the cathartic tool that I was after. A place to get my thoughts and feelings down and to explore them. And there's no two ways about it, the last few months have been tough. But I'm not the only one who suffers hardships, so I try to remind myself to handle whatever life throws at me with grace and acceptance, knowing that there are lessons to learn and grow from. Failing, the car crash and all the fall out from those two things. I've worked really hard on staying positive. But I get side tracked in regards to this so easily. I become wholey consumed by things. In particular I've thrown all my energies into knitting. And it's been this amazing rewarding path. I've learnt so much and developed new skills. And I don't regret it. Although with exams getting ever closer, I'm finding it hard to pull my attentions away from the needles and towards the books. This is partly my knitting obsession, and partly avoidance of revising, and revisiting all the things that I was doing this time last year.
So all in all, between revising and being knitting obsessed, I'm not sure if I've really been living to the full and varied life that I aspire to. Yes, I know I've not been manically knitting the same thing over and over again. I've been exploring the fibre arts in all sorts of ways, knitting, crocheting, dyeing, spinning. And it's been rewarding to share the fruits of my labours. But I know that not many people understand this obsession of mine. I seldom attract negative comments, and if I do, they're usually jokingly issued. But very few people get it. They more just think I'm weird. Not that I mind that, but still! These people wouldn't think that there's much variety to it!
I'm not writing this post as a moan. Don't get me wrong. I don't really regret my lot in life. I just sometimes think/want more. And when there's such important things to be getting on with in my life (i.e. passing my exams), it really should be the furthest thing on my mind. Expanding oneself is definitely something to do when there's more time! But I can't help but sigh and desire to have time (and resources) to do it all. To really happily believe that I live life to the fullest and it's full of variety.
I think on the whole, this blog has been the cathartic tool that I was after. A place to get my thoughts and feelings down and to explore them. And there's no two ways about it, the last few months have been tough. But I'm not the only one who suffers hardships, so I try to remind myself to handle whatever life throws at me with grace and acceptance, knowing that there are lessons to learn and grow from. Failing, the car crash and all the fall out from those two things. I've worked really hard on staying positive. But I get side tracked in regards to this so easily. I become wholey consumed by things. In particular I've thrown all my energies into knitting. And it's been this amazing rewarding path. I've learnt so much and developed new skills. And I don't regret it. Although with exams getting ever closer, I'm finding it hard to pull my attentions away from the needles and towards the books. This is partly my knitting obsession, and partly avoidance of revising, and revisiting all the things that I was doing this time last year.
So all in all, between revising and being knitting obsessed, I'm not sure if I've really been living to the full and varied life that I aspire to. Yes, I know I've not been manically knitting the same thing over and over again. I've been exploring the fibre arts in all sorts of ways, knitting, crocheting, dyeing, spinning. And it's been rewarding to share the fruits of my labours. But I know that not many people understand this obsession of mine. I seldom attract negative comments, and if I do, they're usually jokingly issued. But very few people get it. They more just think I'm weird. Not that I mind that, but still! These people wouldn't think that there's much variety to it!
I'm not writing this post as a moan. Don't get me wrong. I don't really regret my lot in life. I just sometimes think/want more. And when there's such important things to be getting on with in my life (i.e. passing my exams), it really should be the furthest thing on my mind. Expanding oneself is definitely something to do when there's more time! But I can't help but sigh and desire to have time (and resources) to do it all. To really happily believe that I live life to the fullest and it's full of variety.
Monday, 19 April 2010
Spinning a yarn
Hehe! My knitting has been on the back burner a bit this weekend. Between my new toy, my cold and the need to revise, the knitting has only been the odd few minutes here and there. And am also very tempted to start a new project. I love what I'm working on, but it is a little repetitve and the end is NOWHERE in sight, especially as I've just arranged a second ball to ensure that I get an adequate length out of it, and I reckon, I've probably only just got through about half a ball. But, it is probably not the best idea in the world. The new toy has taken far too much of my time as it is, so getting bored of my crafting projects isn't the worst thing in the world in terms of exam prep.
So, my new toy. Oh what fun I've had the last few days. It's actually frustrating with regards to how much time I've put in, but then when I measure the end product, it just seems so short. But I soooooo want to play so much more!
My first attempts were very slubby (i.e. thick-thin) and there were areas that really didn't look like it had been spun at all. So I didn't bother plying it. I've just wound it a little and am not sure what to do with it. Just put it down to a learning experiment.
My first proper attempt worked a little better. And ended up looking a little like this:
It's still quite uneven, but it actually looks a lot more like yarn is suppose to. It's probably about a super-chunky thickness, with some aran thickness every now and then. It's a grand total of 36 meters. So not very much. Got to find a pattern that uses such a small amount of yarn. It's also in need of being dyed, preferably before it's worked up any further.
In an attempt to get further and more length, I undertook a very time consuming exercise of just going until I ran out of room on the spindle. And here it is:
Starting to look more and more even, but still some areas where it's got very thin, but very few areas where it's too thick and un-spun like. I achieved this mainly by "pre-drafting" it, a slow process and it kinda takes over the flat. But it gives me a chance to pick out the bits of plant matter. It's not the method the lady in the shop showed me, and probably not something true spindlers would do, but it's useful for beginners.
I tried to do something called an Andean braclet, which is a particular way of winding the single ply yarn around your hand and then push it down onto your wrist. My fingers nearly fell off! They went a very purply-blue colour. And it would have been worth it, if it had worked, but it didn't. After plying about four meters, one of the singles snapped and I lost the end. So I had to think laterally a bit here. What I ended up doing was wind it into a ball using my ball winder, and very carefully winding it off my wrist. I'm amazed I don't have the most amazing friction burns on my wrist. It took ages too!
From this I was able to have two ends, the centre pull and the outside thread. And I plyed from this. The end result was about 86meters of fairly even yarn (I don't have a set of scales, so I can't weight it, but I estimate that there's about 100g worth of wool). Still got loads of perfecting to do, but I'm almost out of wool. So it'll have to wait. I'm currently soaking it and setting the twist. Final pictures to come.
I'm actually really proud of it. It's about an aran - chunky weight I guess. And is definitely usable. And can't wait. Again, will need to dye it at some point. It's amazing to be able to have a go at almost every step of the garment making procedure, from spinning, to dyeing to knitting or crocheting something. How awesome. But definitely something to concentrate on more after exams rather than now, but it will be fun to play every now and then!
So, my new toy. Oh what fun I've had the last few days. It's actually frustrating with regards to how much time I've put in, but then when I measure the end product, it just seems so short. But I soooooo want to play so much more!
My first proper attempt worked a little better. And ended up looking a little like this:
In an attempt to get further and more length, I undertook a very time consuming exercise of just going until I ran out of room on the spindle. And here it is:
pre-drafting means pulling out the raw wool into a long thin, fine ribbon.
This was about the point at which it became too difficult to carry on spinning, so this is the point I stopped the single and got ready to ply it.
I tried to do something called an Andean braclet, which is a particular way of winding the single ply yarn around your hand and then push it down onto your wrist. My fingers nearly fell off! They went a very purply-blue colour. And it would have been worth it, if it had worked, but it didn't. After plying about four meters, one of the singles snapped and I lost the end. So I had to think laterally a bit here. What I ended up doing was wind it into a ball using my ball winder, and very carefully winding it off my wrist. I'm amazed I don't have the most amazing friction burns on my wrist. It took ages too!
From this I was able to have two ends, the centre pull and the outside thread. And I plyed from this. The end result was about 86meters of fairly even yarn (I don't have a set of scales, so I can't weight it, but I estimate that there's about 100g worth of wool). Still got loads of perfecting to do, but I'm almost out of wool. So it'll have to wait. I'm currently soaking it and setting the twist. Final pictures to come.
Friday, 16 April 2010
Having a cold = not much revision
I've really been off the ball today. I have mainly been sitting around feeling tired and sniffly. And a little worse for wear. Don't get me wrong, I'm not exactly on death's door and it's not a particularly bad cold. But it still makes me very unproductive. Reading for long periods is like torture. I either get a pounding congested headache, or my eyes start stinging and watering. And so it's just no fun. Not at all... queue even more guilt about how much revision I've been doing. But all I can do right now is keep up the fluids, put oodles more vaseline on my lips and sleep, and blow my nose... yet again. I need to recover and get over this in record time. So, keep fingers crossed everybody!
Thursday, 15 April 2010
£5.60 well spent
One student South-West day ticket = £5.60.
Number of buses taken today: 9
Time spent on buses today: 4.5
Value for money? Better well believe it!
Yes, today was just one of those days. Throw in a cold (yes, it wasn't just hayfever afterall) and I'm absolutely shattered and can't wait to sleep! If my nose and throat will allow it. And why am I not going to bed now, just writting about wanting to go to bed? Group revision session scheduled for half an hours time. I'm not really sure I get the most learning benefit out of group revising, but it gives me a chance to spend time with others, and to get an idea of what people are revising, so I can think to myself - "I hadn't remembered to revise that yet, I'll add it to the list".
So, how on earth did I manage nine bus journeys today?
Journey 1 (07:30): My flat (Bristol) to town. This was actually free, as the chap didn't have any of the cards to print a day ticket out on.
Journey 2 (08:15): Town to GP surgery to do my presentation. I got loads of really positive feedback from everyone at the meeting, so I felt really good about it all, and that I'd actually done something right, and something useful.
Journey 3 (10:00): GP surgery to town
Journey 4(10:50): Bristol town to Weston Town. By this point starting to feel rather tired.
Journey 5 (11:45) Weston town to hopital.
Sat having lunch, feeling a bit worse for wear due to the cold finally taking effect. Flicking through magazine (Yarn forward) thinking about what else I could possibly learn to do with wool - spinning my own yarn. Hang on a sec, isn't there a shop that specialises in all thing spinning nearish to Weston and Bristol. Consulted timetables and websites and decide to make a dash for it, since I clearly wasn't going to be much good going into the hospital, and I had the day ticket already, so would just be making the most of it.
Journey 6 (14.10): Hospital to town. Spent ages trying to track down the bus stop. Website didn't mention that half of Weston is being dug up. Missed the bus. Only runs once an hour. Not well impressed. Wondered round a bit, stocked up on cold relief meds, etc.
Journey 7 (15:35): Weston town to Clevedon town.
Visited Spinning Weal. Fell in love! Amazing shop, and amazing owner. She let me play around with all the spindles and explained some of the basics. She makes her own, very basic beginner spindles, only £2. Gave me nearly a double bag (therefore just short of 200g) of wool for the price of 100g. She has her own sheep, and this is wool from her sheep. How cool is that? So barely spent any money, and it will provide hours of entertainment when exams are over and done with... and maybe just a little before then!
My first few attempts have been interesting. It doesn't completely look like yarn. It's ermm, "highly textured" and most definitely a slub yarn! But I'm getting the hang of it a little, and Sarah (shop owner) said I was picking it up very quickly. :) Ahhh, what fun... I do like to play.
Journey 8 (17:50): Clevedon to Weston
Journey 9 (19:10): Town to hospital. Completely shattered. But all in all a very positive day. And don't worry, I did lots of reading and revising on the bus and at the various bus stops of the South-West!
And must go think of something to give a mini-tutorial to the others on. And then bed. Sorry about the lack of words/proper sentences. Just had exciting things to say but not the energy or head to say them.
Number of buses taken today: 9
Time spent on buses today: 4.5
Value for money? Better well believe it!
Yes, today was just one of those days. Throw in a cold (yes, it wasn't just hayfever afterall) and I'm absolutely shattered and can't wait to sleep! If my nose and throat will allow it. And why am I not going to bed now, just writting about wanting to go to bed? Group revision session scheduled for half an hours time. I'm not really sure I get the most learning benefit out of group revising, but it gives me a chance to spend time with others, and to get an idea of what people are revising, so I can think to myself - "I hadn't remembered to revise that yet, I'll add it to the list".
So, how on earth did I manage nine bus journeys today?
Journey 1 (07:30): My flat (Bristol) to town. This was actually free, as the chap didn't have any of the cards to print a day ticket out on.
Journey 2 (08:15): Town to GP surgery to do my presentation. I got loads of really positive feedback from everyone at the meeting, so I felt really good about it all, and that I'd actually done something right, and something useful.
Journey 3 (10:00): GP surgery to town
Journey 4(10:50): Bristol town to Weston Town. By this point starting to feel rather tired.
Journey 5 (11:45) Weston town to hopital.
Sat having lunch, feeling a bit worse for wear due to the cold finally taking effect. Flicking through magazine (Yarn forward) thinking about what else I could possibly learn to do with wool - spinning my own yarn. Hang on a sec, isn't there a shop that specialises in all thing spinning nearish to Weston and Bristol. Consulted timetables and websites and decide to make a dash for it, since I clearly wasn't going to be much good going into the hospital, and I had the day ticket already, so would just be making the most of it.
Journey 6 (14.10): Hospital to town. Spent ages trying to track down the bus stop. Website didn't mention that half of Weston is being dug up. Missed the bus. Only runs once an hour. Not well impressed. Wondered round a bit, stocked up on cold relief meds, etc.
Journey 7 (15:35): Weston town to Clevedon town.
Visited Spinning Weal. Fell in love! Amazing shop, and amazing owner. She let me play around with all the spindles and explained some of the basics. She makes her own, very basic beginner spindles, only £2. Gave me nearly a double bag (therefore just short of 200g) of wool for the price of 100g. She has her own sheep, and this is wool from her sheep. How cool is that? So barely spent any money, and it will provide hours of entertainment when exams are over and done with... and maybe just a little before then!
Journey 8 (17:50): Clevedon to Weston
Journey 9 (19:10): Town to hospital. Completely shattered. But all in all a very positive day. And don't worry, I did lots of reading and revising on the bus and at the various bus stops of the South-West!
And must go think of something to give a mini-tutorial to the others on. And then bed. Sorry about the lack of words/proper sentences. Just had exciting things to say but not the energy or head to say them.
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