Catching up (aka. procrastinating)

I'm supposed to be packing.  I hate packing.  And I'm bunged up thanks to the tail end of a mild cold from the weekend.  My ear is popping like mad and I feel not quite of this planet... somewhat floating.  It's hard to concentrate on anything serious.  Just wanna sleep and veg.... but oh well.  I decided I'd make a start on a catch up post.  My poor little flat has been so deliciously crowded and noisy over the last couple of weeks.  Such a change from just me wondering round.  It's also a bit of a tip, because it's a tad bit packed, laundry everywhere (I want everything to be clean and fresh before it goes into storage), knitting/fibre everywhere, new books (on sock knitting, natural dyeing and spinning), I've been to lazy to doing the dishes (made a start this morning, they're drying naturally before I do the second batch).  Yup, it's a mess and chaotic, and right now I really just couldn't be bothered, with any of it.  I just want to sit here and ignore it all.  But soon time will pressure me into it all.  I have a provisional leaving day of Thursday, so I REALLY need to get a move on!... but not now.  Let me share the last few days.

I've mentioned the important things.  Yes, I am now a doctor.  Apparently.  It's a strange anticlimax.  It was this stressful build up and to be honest, I don't really feel any different.  I *know* that things are about to change, and I seem to be getting on with the planning, but it doesn't really feel like it's actually happening.  I think that when I start the job, this might be different.  But for now it's this surreal daze of "okay... now what?"  Maybe part of this is to do with the fact that I have so many distractions.

The Clarks arrived on Wednesday, after my morning nap to get over the night shifts.  My tiny one bed flat was very quickly childed!  My teddies were claimed, corners explored and things got into that I thought were suitably out of reach or at least temptation way.  After their long journey and my mucked up body clock, we mainly settled for a lazy afternoon at home.  As it was starting to cool down, we headed to the park, to burn off energy, to get some fresh air and to have a little picnic the the beautiful weather.

Unfortunately, our trip to the park was marred by Morgan falling over.  Sarah decided it was best to get her checked out as she fell onto a rusty nail and there's always a worry of tetanus with things like that.  Fortunately she was fine.  And made it back for a rather late night of cramming on my little sofa and having cuddles.

On Thursday, we went to the Suspension Bridge and the camera obscura.  I love the camera, it's such old, simple technology, but so effective.  Unfortunately, I forgot my camera, so no photos.  After we got back, there was the tense wait for the results email.  Then celebrating, swimming, more friends round for champagne and fun.

My Bristol friends on the whole don't spend much time around little people, but they were all so gentle and sweet with the kids.  I really couldn't ask for more amazing friends with which to spend such a special day.

Friday was another very long busy day.  Since I am now officially leaving Bristol, I thought I should try do some of the things that I've been meaning to do for the last seven years, but never quite got round to.  SO we caught a ferry, went to @Bristol and the aquarium.  @Bristol was amazing, so much fun, and so interactive.  And the planetarium was awesome!

 Exploring a veggie bed whilst waiting in Castle Park for the ferry

s

We rushed round the aquarium at breakneck speed so we could see the imax 3D screening, which rocked!  And then we attempted to go around again but didn't really go much slower.  We did manage to catch up with one of the feeding times which was really well done.  The girl who did it was really informative and told us lots of things about the various fish and turtles in that tank.

Afterwards, we descending on the fountains in the square outside the museums to cool down, relax and have ice creams in the late afternoon sunshine.

Paddy very kindly invited us round for dinner, and let the girls play on his wii, the baby had fun climbing into the washing machine and waving at people walking past down below from the balcony.

Saturday was a lazy, more self-indulgent day.  After all the long days and late nights, and my cold rearing it's ugly head, I think us grown ups were feeling less and less motivated.  Sarah and I abandoned small people with daddy and headed to Get Knitted to indulge ourselves in all things yarnie.  And we totally didn't buy over 20 balls of on sale Sublime...

Sunday was a slow day at home, with a roast dinner before my visitors headed home.  And now it's back to the quite of my flat and the hassle of packing.  But before I do... some of the new pretty colours and toys in my life:

My absolutely beautiful new spindle from Wildcraft.

And I think it is officially the first time my Dad has actually written me a card.  That sort of thing is usually left to my mom to sort out.

Now really must get on with some somethingness.

On being a medical student no longer

I think I need to find a new title for my blog! The current one now seems a little redundant! Yup, I am no longer a medical student but something completely different and nw, yet at the same time something that gas been longed for and wanted for so long now. It is well over 10 years now since I officially, definitely decided I wanted to be a doctor. And everything in my life has been leading up to this ever since that 15 year sat in front of ER and said, "that's what I want to do with my life". This I kept to myself at first, carefully plotting and considering. This is something I have never taken lightly. I did ponder long and hard, and walking around it would be all I'd think of. Inmentally composed a pros and cons list. I weighed this up. I thought some more. What would I need to do? What would I need to achieve to get this that I wanted so badly? It was a difficult time in my life. I'm sure those who knew me at the time would testify to the fact that I wasn't always the easiest person to be around. I was a depressed girl whose world had been turned upside down by having to move half a world a way from everything I knew. I was confused and uncertain of myself. But once that decision had been made, I had purpose and drive. A reason to live. There had to be something out there, greater than the world I found myself in. Deciding to become a doctor was my life and my whole world after that. And now... Mission acomplished. And what a ride it has been. The things I've learnt and experienced along the way, how i've grown! Now what... Next stop Yeovil and actually doing the job! How exciting!

Today was a busy day. Besides results, we kept ourselves on he go. We had a really lazy start to the day. After a late night last night following Morgan's trip to the hospital (she fell on a dirty rusty nail in the park, so Sarah was concerned about tetenus risk). We brought breakfast on the go, went to the post office, picked up a parcel (most beautiful spindle you ever did see and some utterly gorgeous fibre) went to the toy shop, went to the camera obscura in Clifton which was amazing, trekked home, got the good news, went swimming, had pizza for dinner, had some friends over for champagne and celebrating, my two world colliding, Bristol and Derby friends, in a happy coherent place, full of love, laughter and games. I could not ask for better friends and I'm so glad to have had . And now, we're once again exhausted. I will sit down at some point and do a proper blog about it all. But for now, my lids are heavy and we have another very busy day planned! Yay!

ETA:  my iPhone didn't want to play last night, so this is a delayed posting!  Ooops!

I can't sleep!

Thank goodness for iPhones, huh? I'm utterly unable to sleep and because I've got a housefull of visitors, all snuggly, cozily squished in, I can't get to my laptop. I can't just get up and switch lights on and sit and knit...or spin. I have a real craving to do some spinning right now. The slow rhythmic nature or getting that spindle going and gently drafting out some gorgeous fibre... Yup, a right old craving. Not that I'm complaining in the slightest, I'm loving my housefull and the crazy, but loving chaos. And I'm so glad to have company... But it's officially now results day... And a year since... Well a year since my life officially fell apart. Will this year be any different? I know it's completely irrational, but I'm actually expecting the worst. This year has turned me into such a selfdoubter that I can't even visualise passing. It's just too wierd a concept. 4pm... What will you hold for me?

So that's why I can't sleep right now. My stomach's churning, nausea never far away. I had managed to forget about today for a while with my visitors here, but as we were saying good night, we talked about our plans for today... And besides wanting to pick up my new spindle that is currently being held hostage by royal mail, my thoughts finally returned to what today is. And now I can't stop thinking about it.

And I suppose the other factor here for my restlessness is the fact that I've just done 4 night shifts, so my body clock is a little skewed, but still this is redicilous, and there's so much we have planned for the next few days, I just hope I'm not going to be a zombie through it. So, Clark family, I apologise now if I am. But I'm so grateful that you are here, hopefully to share in my good news and for your distractions and love. I really wouldn't have it any other way.

Busy Week

Yup, it's been a wee while since I posted.  This was due to two reasons, nope, three reasons.  First. I was enjoying life with no exams, no stresses and nothing to pour effort into.  I wondered round aimlessly, did lots of knitting, making stuff for a friend I just found out was pregnant.  And my first ever commissioned piece - a blanket in red, yellow and orange.  I was just enjoying me time, and not having stresses and just being.

Secondly, I did some shifts at work.  I've more or less gone through my insurance money.  It was good in that it gave me a chance to not work whilst I was getting ready for finals, and this was important.  It just meant that I had halved the income coming in, so it's now more or less gone.  So need some money for stuff over the summer, like paying a couple of bills, paying for storage, paying for yarn to play with (yay, planning on doing some more dyeing!  and spinning and well... all that stuff), paying for some new work clothes, and yup, basically need some money coming in so I can survive until that first pay cheque. 

And third reason was I had visitors!  Emma, Chris and Connor trekked down to Bristol on the train.  And I had a wonderful excuse to show off Bristol.  My camera was unfortunately out of battery and I can't for the life of me think of where the charger was!  So limited photos because like the dope I am, I forgot that I actually have a camera on my phone!  So there are only a couple of pics:

Connor was fascinated by the washing machine, and spent ages chatting to it was it whired and spun and did it's thing.  It's scary how big this gorgeous little boy has got.  My flat probably wasn't quite as baby-proof as needed for this very mobile fella! 

We went to see the suspension bridge and wondered round Clifton, wondered round the shops on Gloucester Road (how I'm going to miss this road!), and even got round to trekking to Weston on the bus to go to the beach, which was wonderful.  Connor found it an exciting place to be and apparently sand is quite tasty!  We had lots of meals outside, and trips to the parks.  It was lovely.  And we were truely blessed with fantastic weather, right up until we went to catch the bus to get them to their train home, when the skys opened and poured.  This, along with diversions through the city, meant that the traffic was crazy and we ended up not quite making it, despite having given ourselves extra time.  What was more frustrating was that it was by seconds, Chris literally was able to touch the train, and push the door open button, but we were too late.  But they did manage to get another one half an hour later, and got home safely.  Thanks for a lovely few days guys!

And now, it's back to work for a few more days, and then the Clarks visit and then packing.  It's going to be a crazy couple of weeks, but at least I'll be busy!

Shiney new toy

Haha! How cool is this? I have a brand new gadget to play with! Yup that's right, I have given into temptation (and maybe a tad bit of peer pressure!) and got myself a shiney new phone, and an iPhone at that. I'm still getting
used to it all, but it's fun to play! I don't think that this is a very effecient way to write blog posts, but it's nice to know that it's there for emergancy, on the go posts. And now, off to bed!

I did it

I did it, I did it, I did it, I did it, I did it, I did it, I did it, I did it, I did it, I did it, I did it, I did it, I did it, I did it, I did it, I did it, I did it, I did it, I did it, I did it, I did it, I did it, I did it, I did it, I did it, I did it, I did it, I did it, I did it, I did it, I did it, I did it, I did it, I did it, I did it, I did it, I did it, I did it, I did it, I did it, I did it, I did it, I did it, I did it, I did it, I did it, I did it, I did it, I did it, I did it, I did it, I did it, I did it, I did it, I did it, I did it, I did it, I did it, I did it, I did it, I did it, I did it, I did it, I did it, I did it, I did it, I did it, I did it, I did it, I did it, I did it, I did it!

Yes, after a painstaking afternoon of waiting... I finally found out, I passed.  That rubbish exam that I failed last year, that sent me topsy turvy, that tore apart my entire life and shook me to my very foundations, I have officially passed this year.  What better news could I have?

Big day ahead!

As the weekend draws to an end, I find myself becoming impatient, yet at the same time, wanting to freeze time.  I have my last exam tomorrow, and it's one that I'm not particularly worried about.  In a strange way, it's actually a fun kind of exam that I've always secretly liked (at the risk of being lynched by my coursemates!).  It's practical, requires you to think on your feet, snappy, flies by, varied, basically an interesting way to do exams.  There's a couple of things that I want to go over before it, but otherwise, it's kind of hard to revise for, as it's not purely knowledge based.

But my anticipation and anxiety actually stems from the fact that I'll partially find out my fate tomorrow evening.  At some point after 4pm tomorrow, the med school is going to email the people who are required to sit a second long case.  So if I get an email, it's time to absolutely panic, and try to think of things to do by Friday to improve before the repeat.  No email, then, I'm... well, safe.  And pretty much home and dry, assuming that I haven't cocked up the exams that I passed last year.  I just don't know what to think.  I'm scared, so scared.  I know that checking my email tomorrow afternoon will be a strange compulsion, that I really don't want to do, but I can't help but do every five minutes until I know.  And then every five minutes afterwards until whatever news awaits me sinks in.  In all honesty, I don't know how I'm going to cope...

But on a happier note.  My weekend.  I've actually had a really nice one.  On Friday, I discovered that a new green grocer has opened about a three minute walk from my front door.  I had a nice chat with him, and he's sourced the vast majority of his produce in the UK, mainly locally.  And not only has he got fruit and veg, he's also stocking a range of preserves and chutneys and a small selection of olives (one of the few non-UK items!) and cheeses.   Mmmmm, couldn't help but stock up on some tasties for lunch and the weekend.

Lovely!  I love the way my road supports all things local and independent.

I finally finished my shawl/stole/wide scarf that I've been working on since Easter, on and off, in amongst other projects.  It's currently blocking on my floor and looking glorious.  I can wait to take photos of it once it's been unpinned!  But for now:

On Friday, I finished my latest spinning project.  I decided to experiment with making some low twist singles.  And I used one of my new(ish) spindles that I hadn't really used before, other than a quick trial.  I have no idea how much it weighs, but it's quite heavy, and has a super long handle, so I was able to squeeze all 100g on in one long long (344m) piece.  I took it off, skeined it (my clothes horse makes a very good skeiner!) and then, in an act of utter faith, having never done any felting, I felted the skein to give strength to the singles.  I set the twist overnight in the shower then in the sunshine.  I seemed to have felted in just right.  The strands were defnitely felted and required teasing apart which made winding a ball take forever!  But they came apart very easily and without any knots, headaches, breakages or other heartaches.  It's quite textured, and so I've decided to make a very simple shawl pattern with it, to really show off the gorgeous colours (was really unconvienced with the fibres, but I adore it now, so pretty!) and texture.

Pre-felting and setting the twist.  Quite good representation of the colours.

The finished, dried hank, slightly out of focus, but still pretty cool.

Close up of the singles, before I wound it.  Really good idea of the texture and thickness, but less so with the colours.

The start of the shawl.  I love how triangular shawls grow.  I'm loving how gentle the colour changes are.  It's not the bold stripes of the 198yards of heaven shawl I made with my last handspun.

My craft corner was looking a mess, so I decided I had to tidy it up, and this was it, mid-sort out.

On Saturday night, I had Mary and Paddy round for a BBQ.  It was lovely, and really mellow.  And we had such a great catch up.  I'm so lucky to have such amazing friends, I do really miss them though, I hardly get round to see them, especially lately with being in Weston and revision, and clashing with Mary's schedule.

And now.... I wait.  I wait for sleep, and peace, and those silly emails tomorrow.  I can barely think of my exam, in comparison to that email.  Last year, I didn't think about it, didn't really expect the email.  But it was the email that caused my life to collapse in on itself.  How can I now be expected to think of anything else?

Hmmm, interesting!

Wow!  Today's exam was a curve ball!  And then some.  I do remember from last year that it was a strange exam and that what I revised wasn't neccessarily what came up.  And it was no different this year.  In fact, it was worse!  There were some questions that weren't too bad (here's hoping that there were enough of these), but there were some which were about such obscure things.  But I was relieved to find that the handful of people I spoke to afterwards agreed with me, and a couple of my friends who are also repeating also thought it was much harder this year.  So if everyone found it hard... well then, they can't fail us all, they will be forced to moderate the scores down.

Unfortunately, when I tried to explain this all to my mom, she got a bit distracted by my description of it being difficult, and ignored my laughing it off, and saying that there were okay parts.  She sounded so worried and down about me not passing.  I think it's not helped by the fact I keep on tell her how hard I've been finding it to focus on revision.  My parents have been wonderful and I'm so grateful, but sometimes, I wonder if they perhaps can't fully believe that I can pass and that I can be a doctor.  They almost seemed resigned to the worst case scenario, which...I don't know... I mean, don't get me wrong, they're really supportive and they mean well, but sometimes I want to shake them and shout and say, "I can do this!"   Yes, the exam today was hard, but I'm certainly not the only one who thought so, and there's power to that.  But I suppose I'm in a vulnerable kind of place at the moment, and probably mis-read things.

And now, there's one more exam, on Monday.  It's one that when I described it to my mom, she said it was like speed-dating.  Lots of short, practical stations, that we rotate around.  It's one of the hardest things to revise for, as it's not a purely knowledge test, it's more about practical skills.  So I'll spend the next few days going over the sorts of examinations and findings that I don't do on a regular basis, and relaxing a bit.  My flat is a tip.  And I need to do more laundry, but that'll have to wait until Sunday, otherwise the new shopkeepers will stink it out when they smoke out the back of their shop, which is incidently right outside the only window I have in my flat, and the back door.  But it's time to start thinking about life after exams, and start getting my life in order.

Three down, two to go

Yup, I survived this day.  I'm utterly exhausted, as I barely slept last night... turns out I was a bit more anxious about it all than I thought.  The exams went fine, justifying to me that I didn't need to work flat out this year like I did last year.  Don't need to feel too guilty about all that spinning and knitting.  I did have to feel a little guilty by saying that I felt the papers today were fair, and okay.  Several of my friends said they found it quite hard, so I quickly bit my tongue and wait til the others had said how they found it, then I'd just kinda nod and not say very much.

Right, now a bit of dinner and some tea, and an early night, especially as this is taking me twice as long to write as it should, because of all the random typos!