I did it, I did it, I did it, I did it, I did it, I did it, I did it, I did it, I did it, I did it, I did it, I did it, I did it, I did it, I did it, I did it, I did it, I did it, I did it, I did it, I did it, I did it, I did it, I did it, I did it, I did it, I did it, I did it, I did it, I did it, I did it, I did it, I did it, I did it, I did it, I did it, I did it, I did it, I did it, I did it, I did it, I did it, I did it, I did it, I did it, I did it, I did it, I did it, I did it, I did it, I did it, I did it, I did it, I did it, I did it, I did it, I did it, I did it, I did it, I did it, I did it, I did it, I did it, I did it, I did it, I did it, I did it, I did it, I did it, I did it, I did it, I did it!
Yes, after a painstaking afternoon of waiting... I finally found out, I passed. That rubbish exam that I failed last year, that sent me topsy turvy, that tore apart my entire life and shook me to my very foundations, I have officially passed this year. What better news could I have?
Showing posts with label EXAM. Show all posts
Showing posts with label EXAM. Show all posts
Monday, 7 June 2010
Sunday, 6 June 2010
Big day ahead!
As the weekend draws to an end, I find myself becoming impatient, yet at the same time, wanting to freeze time. I have my last exam tomorrow, and it's one that I'm not particularly worried about. In a strange way, it's actually a fun kind of exam that I've always secretly liked (at the risk of being lynched by my coursemates!). It's practical, requires you to think on your feet, snappy, flies by, varied, basically an interesting way to do exams. There's a couple of things that I want to go over before it, but otherwise, it's kind of hard to revise for, as it's not purely knowledge based.
But my anticipation and anxiety actually stems from the fact that I'll partially find out my fate tomorrow evening. At some point after 4pm tomorrow, the med school is going to email the people who are required to sit a second long case. So if I get an email, it's time to absolutely panic, and try to think of things to do by Friday to improve before the repeat. No email, then, I'm... well, safe. And pretty much home and dry, assuming that I haven't cocked up the exams that I passed last year. I just don't know what to think. I'm scared, so scared. I know that checking my email tomorrow afternoon will be a strange compulsion, that I really don't want to do, but I can't help but do every five minutes until I know. And then every five minutes afterwards until whatever news awaits me sinks in. In all honesty, I don't know how I'm going to cope...
But on a happier note. My weekend. I've actually had a really nice one. On Friday, I discovered that a new green grocer has opened about a three minute walk from my front door. I had a nice chat with him, and he's sourced the vast majority of his produce in the UK, mainly locally. And not only has he got fruit and veg, he's also stocking a range of preserves and chutneys and a small selection of olives (one of the few non-UK items!) and cheeses. Mmmmm, couldn't help but stock up on some tasties for lunch and the weekend.
Lovely! I love the way my road supports all things local and independent.
I finally finished my shawl/stole/wide scarf that I've been working on since Easter, on and off, in amongst other projects. It's currently blocking on my floor and looking glorious. I can wait to take photos of it once it's been unpinned! But for now:
On Friday, I finished my latest spinning project. I decided to experiment with making some low twist singles. And I used one of my new(ish) spindles that I hadn't really used before, other than a quick trial. I have no idea how much it weighs, but it's quite heavy, and has a super long handle, so I was able to squeeze all 100g on in one long long (344m) piece. I took it off, skeined it (my clothes horse makes a very good skeiner!) and then, in an act of utter faith, having never done any felting, I felted the skein to give strength to the singles. I set the twist overnight in the shower then in the sunshine. I seemed to have felted in just right. The strands were defnitely felted and required teasing apart which made winding a ball take forever! But they came apart very easily and without any knots, headaches, breakages or other heartaches. It's quite textured, and so I've decided to make a very simple shawl pattern with it, to really show off the gorgeous colours (was really unconvienced with the fibres, but I adore it now, so pretty!) and texture.
Pre-felting and setting the twist. Quite good representation of the colours.
The finished, dried hank, slightly out of focus, but still pretty cool.
Close up of the singles, before I wound it. Really good idea of the texture and thickness, but less so with the colours.
The start of the shawl. I love how triangular shawls grow. I'm loving how gentle the colour changes are. It's not the bold stripes of the 198yards of heaven shawl I made with my last handspun.
My craft corner was looking a mess, so I decided I had to tidy it up, and this was it, mid-sort out.
On Saturday night, I had Mary and Paddy round for a BBQ. It was lovely, and really mellow. And we had such a great catch up. I'm so lucky to have such amazing friends, I do really miss them though, I hardly get round to see them, especially lately with being in Weston and revision, and clashing with Mary's schedule.
And now.... I wait. I wait for sleep, and peace, and those silly emails tomorrow. I can barely think of my exam, in comparison to that email. Last year, I didn't think about it, didn't really expect the email. But it was the email that caused my life to collapse in on itself. How can I now be expected to think of anything else?
But my anticipation and anxiety actually stems from the fact that I'll partially find out my fate tomorrow evening. At some point after 4pm tomorrow, the med school is going to email the people who are required to sit a second long case. So if I get an email, it's time to absolutely panic, and try to think of things to do by Friday to improve before the repeat. No email, then, I'm... well, safe. And pretty much home and dry, assuming that I haven't cocked up the exams that I passed last year. I just don't know what to think. I'm scared, so scared. I know that checking my email tomorrow afternoon will be a strange compulsion, that I really don't want to do, but I can't help but do every five minutes until I know. And then every five minutes afterwards until whatever news awaits me sinks in. In all honesty, I don't know how I'm going to cope...
But on a happier note. My weekend. I've actually had a really nice one. On Friday, I discovered that a new green grocer has opened about a three minute walk from my front door. I had a nice chat with him, and he's sourced the vast majority of his produce in the UK, mainly locally. And not only has he got fruit and veg, he's also stocking a range of preserves and chutneys and a small selection of olives (one of the few non-UK items!) and cheeses. Mmmmm, couldn't help but stock up on some tasties for lunch and the weekend.
I finally finished my shawl/stole/wide scarf that I've been working on since Easter, on and off, in amongst other projects. It's currently blocking on my floor and looking glorious. I can wait to take photos of it once it's been unpinned! But for now:
On Friday, I finished my latest spinning project. I decided to experiment with making some low twist singles. And I used one of my new(ish) spindles that I hadn't really used before, other than a quick trial. I have no idea how much it weighs, but it's quite heavy, and has a super long handle, so I was able to squeeze all 100g on in one long long (344m) piece. I took it off, skeined it (my clothes horse makes a very good skeiner!) and then, in an act of utter faith, having never done any felting, I felted the skein to give strength to the singles. I set the twist overnight in the shower then in the sunshine. I seemed to have felted in just right. The strands were defnitely felted and required teasing apart which made winding a ball take forever! But they came apart very easily and without any knots, headaches, breakages or other heartaches. It's quite textured, and so I've decided to make a very simple shawl pattern with it, to really show off the gorgeous colours (was really unconvienced with the fibres, but I adore it now, so pretty!) and texture.
On Saturday night, I had Mary and Paddy round for a BBQ. It was lovely, and really mellow. And we had such a great catch up. I'm so lucky to have such amazing friends, I do really miss them though, I hardly get round to see them, especially lately with being in Weston and revision, and clashing with Mary's schedule.
And now.... I wait. I wait for sleep, and peace, and those silly emails tomorrow. I can barely think of my exam, in comparison to that email. Last year, I didn't think about it, didn't really expect the email. But it was the email that caused my life to collapse in on itself. How can I now be expected to think of anything else?
Friday, 4 June 2010
Hmmm, interesting!
Wow! Today's exam was a curve ball! And then some. I do remember from last year that it was a strange exam and that what I revised wasn't neccessarily what came up. And it was no different this year. In fact, it was worse! There were some questions that weren't too bad (here's hoping that there were enough of these), but there were some which were about such obscure things. But I was relieved to find that the handful of people I spoke to afterwards agreed with me, and a couple of my friends who are also repeating also thought it was much harder this year. So if everyone found it hard... well then, they can't fail us all, they will be forced to moderate the scores down.
Unfortunately, when I tried to explain this all to my mom, she got a bit distracted by my description of it being difficult, and ignored my laughing it off, and saying that there were okay parts. She sounded so worried and down about me not passing. I think it's not helped by the fact I keep on tell her how hard I've been finding it to focus on revision. My parents have been wonderful and I'm so grateful, but sometimes, I wonder if they perhaps can't fully believe that I can pass and that I can be a doctor. They almost seemed resigned to the worst case scenario, which...I don't know... I mean, don't get me wrong, they're really supportive and they mean well, but sometimes I want to shake them and shout and say, "I can do this!" Yes, the exam today was hard, but I'm certainly not the only one who thought so, and there's power to that. But I suppose I'm in a vulnerable kind of place at the moment, and probably mis-read things.
And now, there's one more exam, on Monday. It's one that when I described it to my mom, she said it was like speed-dating. Lots of short, practical stations, that we rotate around. It's one of the hardest things to revise for, as it's not a purely knowledge test, it's more about practical skills. So I'll spend the next few days going over the sorts of examinations and findings that I don't do on a regular basis, and relaxing a bit. My flat is a tip. And I need to do more laundry, but that'll have to wait until Sunday, otherwise the new shopkeepers will stink it out when they smoke out the back of their shop, which is incidently right outside the only window I have in my flat, and the back door. But it's time to start thinking about life after exams, and start getting my life in order.
Unfortunately, when I tried to explain this all to my mom, she got a bit distracted by my description of it being difficult, and ignored my laughing it off, and saying that there were okay parts. She sounded so worried and down about me not passing. I think it's not helped by the fact I keep on tell her how hard I've been finding it to focus on revision. My parents have been wonderful and I'm so grateful, but sometimes, I wonder if they perhaps can't fully believe that I can pass and that I can be a doctor. They almost seemed resigned to the worst case scenario, which...I don't know... I mean, don't get me wrong, they're really supportive and they mean well, but sometimes I want to shake them and shout and say, "I can do this!" Yes, the exam today was hard, but I'm certainly not the only one who thought so, and there's power to that. But I suppose I'm in a vulnerable kind of place at the moment, and probably mis-read things.
And now, there's one more exam, on Monday. It's one that when I described it to my mom, she said it was like speed-dating. Lots of short, practical stations, that we rotate around. It's one of the hardest things to revise for, as it's not a purely knowledge test, it's more about practical skills. So I'll spend the next few days going over the sorts of examinations and findings that I don't do on a regular basis, and relaxing a bit. My flat is a tip. And I need to do more laundry, but that'll have to wait until Sunday, otherwise the new shopkeepers will stink it out when they smoke out the back of their shop, which is incidently right outside the only window I have in my flat, and the back door. But it's time to start thinking about life after exams, and start getting my life in order.
Tuesday, 1 June 2010
Three down, two to go
Yup, I survived this day. I'm utterly exhausted, as I barely slept last night... turns out I was a bit more anxious about it all than I thought. The exams went fine, justifying to me that I didn't need to work flat out this year like I did last year. Don't need to feel too guilty about all that spinning and knitting. I did have to feel a little guilty by saying that I felt the papers today were fair, and okay. Several of my friends said they found it quite hard, so I quickly bit my tongue and wait til the others had said how they found it, then I'd just kinda nod and not say very much.
Right, now a bit of dinner and some tea, and an early night, especially as this is taking me twice as long to write as it should, because of all the random typos!
Right, now a bit of dinner and some tea, and an early night, especially as this is taking me twice as long to write as it should, because of all the random typos!
Monday, 31 May 2010
The next round of "the day before..."
The countdown is most certainly on now. The first written exam is tomorrow. And it feels like it isn't really happening to me. At this point with the long case a couple of weeks ago, I was certainly feeling it. But now, just... numb... Yup, I think numb sums it up best. I feel suspended in this state of ... I don't know how to describe it. It's strange... I just hope it ends soon, and I can get back to feeling like me.
There has been this huge danger all along, and I've really tried hard to fight it, of being complacent, I passed all the other exams last year really comfortably. I've really been struggling against the feeling that I don't really need to work for it. I have managed to work, but I still feel so guilty that I haven't worked as hard as I did last year. But I had this sudden thought this evening (yup, it was something that only just struck me!), I'm not starting in the same place as I was last year. I'm not back to the beginning, so maybe I shouldn't be beating myself up too much. Arrrgh, it's such a difficult thing to strike a balance on. I don't think I'll ever be able to work it so that I'm happy. But time will tell...
Anyhows, should probably get back to some last minute cramming! But before I do, my most recent projects. A sweater for Connor, that was going to be for his birthday, but that seems so far away, so it'll be just because! Just need to block it and get some buttons. And then a little bit of spinning, finishing off the silk hankies. I soaked it in order to set the twist, and well, it stank like crazy. A really strong fishy odour. It's hanging outside to dry, but I'm torn between bringing it in in case it rains, and it stinking out my flat. I've been told that the smell should fade, and will only be noticeable when it's wet, but for now, it's 72 metres of stinkiness!
There has been this huge danger all along, and I've really tried hard to fight it, of being complacent, I passed all the other exams last year really comfortably. I've really been struggling against the feeling that I don't really need to work for it. I have managed to work, but I still feel so guilty that I haven't worked as hard as I did last year. But I had this sudden thought this evening (yup, it was something that only just struck me!), I'm not starting in the same place as I was last year. I'm not back to the beginning, so maybe I shouldn't be beating myself up too much. Arrrgh, it's such a difficult thing to strike a balance on. I don't think I'll ever be able to work it so that I'm happy. But time will tell...
Anyhows, should probably get back to some last minute cramming! But before I do, my most recent projects. A sweater for Connor, that was going to be for his birthday, but that seems so far away, so it'll be just because! Just need to block it and get some buttons. And then a little bit of spinning, finishing off the silk hankies. I soaked it in order to set the twist, and well, it stank like crazy. A really strong fishy odour. It's hanging outside to dry, but I'm torn between bringing it in in case it rains, and it stinking out my flat. I've been told that the smell should fade, and will only be noticeable when it's wet, but for now, it's 72 metres of stinkiness!
Saturday, 15 May 2010
Derby: Breathe and reboot
Yay, home with my mummy! :) Although admittedly I'm now home alone (unless my brother counts...) it was so nice to come home to have my mum there to give me a hug and to let myself get rid of some very built up tension. And as always, nice not to have to cook my own food, and nice to have a proper relaxing bath, a nice comfy bed, a good night's sleep. Yes, it was the right thing to do to come back here.
But now... lol, oh so tempted to make arrangements to see friends? Do I dare, because there is just such a strong possiblitiy that "an hour or two" turns into half the day! But friends are an important part of my support network... right? Lol! I will have to be very strong and make sure I minimise unrevision time, e.g. read stuff on bus. mmmm.... and my mum can't moan too much, she's been busy making plans to have my grandparents and aunt round for Sunday lunch, as if that's not going to be a distraction!?
But I am feeling more ready to go and tackle the world, now I just need to go get some food in my belly and a cuppa and who knows what I could achieve!
But now... lol, oh so tempted to make arrangements to see friends? Do I dare, because there is just such a strong possiblitiy that "an hour or two" turns into half the day! But friends are an important part of my support network... right? Lol! I will have to be very strong and make sure I minimise unrevision time, e.g. read stuff on bus. mmmm.... and my mum can't moan too much, she's been busy making plans to have my grandparents and aunt round for Sunday lunch, as if that's not going to be a distraction!?
But I am feeling more ready to go and tackle the world, now I just need to go get some food in my belly and a cuppa and who knows what I could achieve!
Friday, 14 May 2010
D-Day (part 2)
And that's it. All the heart ache and stress, and now... nothingness. I feel so exhausted by the rollercoaster that has been the last few days, especially after an absolutely rubbish night's sleep, where I kept on waking up drenched in sweat (Yeah, I know, eeeeewww!).
So how did it go...? I wish I knew how to answer that. One the whole, I don't think it was too bad, but when I sit and analyse it, there's so many shoulda, woulda, coulda aspects to it. Will these add up? Oh man, this waiting is awful. I believe that I came across as relatively confident. I don't feel like I was overwhelmed with the nerves, although, I did bumble at times. The patient was lovely, sweet and completely coherent, which is always useful. I had time to spare, and they asked me lots of questions, which I believe I answered honestly and hopefully adequately. I just have to wait now... and boy I wish I didn't.
I have decided that I will return to Derby today for a while. I need the company and support. Being alone all the time, here in Bristol is not going to do wonders for me. Yup, at the grand old age of 26, I want my mommy!
So how did it go...? I wish I knew how to answer that. One the whole, I don't think it was too bad, but when I sit and analyse it, there's so many shoulda, woulda, coulda aspects to it. Will these add up? Oh man, this waiting is awful. I believe that I came across as relatively confident. I don't feel like I was overwhelmed with the nerves, although, I did bumble at times. The patient was lovely, sweet and completely coherent, which is always useful. I had time to spare, and they asked me lots of questions, which I believe I answered honestly and hopefully adequately. I just have to wait now... and boy I wish I didn't.
I have decided that I will return to Derby today for a while. I need the company and support. Being alone all the time, here in Bristol is not going to do wonders for me. Yup, at the grand old age of 26, I want my mommy!
D-Day
Eeeeek!
I can do this, I can do this, I can do this, I can do this, I can do this, I can do this, I can do this, IcandothisIcandothisIcandothisIcandothis...
I can do this, I can do this, I can do this, I can do this, I can do this, I can do this, I can do this, IcandothisIcandothisIcandothisIcandothis...
Thursday, 13 May 2010
The day before the morning after
Damn this silly limbo. Why can't I just blackout until about 8am tomorrow, do brilliantly and then KNOW I'll be a doctor in a couple of months. Why doesn't like just once work out like this for me? I tired of taking the scenic route, I want something to run smoothly for a change!
I've got my usual exam-time sleep rhythm going, of staying up till nearly 2am, then sleeping in till 9 or 10. I'm a night owl, and it works for me. The closer it gets to the written exams, the worse it'll get, I'll be up regularly till 3 or so. It's not an issue, and there's something strangely peaceful about those after midnight hours and I generally end up having them as my most productive hours. And this isn't an issue, until I have exams first thing in the morning, like the 9.30 exam tomorrow. Wow, what a weird phrase... MY exam tomorrow. I think it's finally starting to feel real. No more avoiding it. Do I feel ready? Nope! Have I done enough? Who knows! I don't think that all the preparation in the world would make me feel ready. Damn the self-doubt of having failed.
I'm still toying with the idea of going to Derby for a while. It just seems so appealing... so who knows. Harry is having a birthday meal next Friday, where apparently attendance is compulsory, so I'd have to be back in Bristol for that. Which would mean I'd have a maximum of 6 days in Derby, is it worth it? The change of scenery of being in Weston has helped, so Derby would probably do the trick, especially with my ever so well meaning parents gently nagging in their own little way! I can't actually remember the last time my parents have actually nagged me about doing school work or revising, it was probably well before I did my GCSEs, but they are very good at subtle hints and unknowingly making me feel like I should be doing more. And just being near some company would be nice, even if I can't really partake in it.
Oh man, I feel so restless, and so indecisive. This is a truely horrible feeling. Nasty limbo feeling!
I've got my usual exam-time sleep rhythm going, of staying up till nearly 2am, then sleeping in till 9 or 10. I'm a night owl, and it works for me. The closer it gets to the written exams, the worse it'll get, I'll be up regularly till 3 or so. It's not an issue, and there's something strangely peaceful about those after midnight hours and I generally end up having them as my most productive hours. And this isn't an issue, until I have exams first thing in the morning, like the 9.30 exam tomorrow. Wow, what a weird phrase... MY exam tomorrow. I think it's finally starting to feel real. No more avoiding it. Do I feel ready? Nope! Have I done enough? Who knows! I don't think that all the preparation in the world would make me feel ready. Damn the self-doubt of having failed.
I'm still toying with the idea of going to Derby for a while. It just seems so appealing... so who knows. Harry is having a birthday meal next Friday, where apparently attendance is compulsory, so I'd have to be back in Bristol for that. Which would mean I'd have a maximum of 6 days in Derby, is it worth it? The change of scenery of being in Weston has helped, so Derby would probably do the trick, especially with my ever so well meaning parents gently nagging in their own little way! I can't actually remember the last time my parents have actually nagged me about doing school work or revising, it was probably well before I did my GCSEs, but they are very good at subtle hints and unknowingly making me feel like I should be doing more. And just being near some company would be nice, even if I can't really partake in it.
Oh man, I feel so restless, and so indecisive. This is a truely horrible feeling. Nasty limbo feeling!
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