Damn this silly limbo. Why can't I just blackout until about 8am tomorrow, do brilliantly and then KNOW I'll be a doctor in a couple of months. Why doesn't like just once work out like this for me? I tired of taking the scenic route, I want something to run smoothly for a change!
I've got my usual exam-time sleep rhythm going, of staying up till nearly 2am, then sleeping in till 9 or 10. I'm a night owl, and it works for me. The closer it gets to the written exams, the worse it'll get, I'll be up regularly till 3 or so. It's not an issue, and there's something strangely peaceful about those after midnight hours and I generally end up having them as my most productive hours. And this isn't an issue, until I have exams first thing in the morning, like the 9.30 exam tomorrow. Wow, what a weird phrase... MY exam tomorrow. I think it's finally starting to feel real. No more avoiding it. Do I feel ready? Nope! Have I done enough? Who knows! I don't think that all the preparation in the world would make me feel ready. Damn the self-doubt of having failed.
I'm still toying with the idea of going to Derby for a while. It just seems so appealing... so who knows. Harry is having a birthday meal next Friday, where apparently attendance is compulsory, so I'd have to be back in Bristol for that. Which would mean I'd have a maximum of 6 days in Derby, is it worth it? The change of scenery of being in Weston has helped, so Derby would probably do the trick, especially with my ever so well meaning parents gently nagging in their own little way! I can't actually remember the last time my parents have actually nagged me about doing school work or revising, it was probably well before I did my GCSEs, but they are very good at subtle hints and unknowingly making me feel like I should be doing more. And just being near some company would be nice, even if I can't really partake in it.
Oh man, I feel so restless, and so indecisive. This is a truely horrible feeling. Nasty limbo feeling!
No comments:
Post a Comment