Mayday bank holiday reflections

What a lovely weekend this has been, filled with almost all my favourite things - Bristol, sewing, knitting, sunshine.  And for a change, I thought to get the camera out and take a few snaps. 

I was approached by a friend at work, wondering if I sew.  She knew that I am craft crazy, having once been to my flat and seen the oodles of yarn and fibre spilling out of bags.  She is getting married, on a fairly tight budget, and was looking for someone to help make bridesmaids dresses.  I think the intent was to get me to make one dress, but somewhere along the way, I've seemed to have taken on all three.  Not sure how that happened.  And here's where it gets interesting.  I don't actually own a sewing machine...  But I know loads of people who do, and I've always been tempted to get one, "when I have more space" was the logic for postponing this step, but that's all changed now.  Especially as someone else has approached me to make his daughter a prom dress.  So all going according to plan, but this time on Wednesday, I should be the proud new owner of a shiney new sewing machine.  So excited.

So my weekend has comprised of a trip up to Bristol to go pattern and fabric shopping for the prom dress on Saturday.  I love Bristol, and am going to be so sad to be leaving it behind  There's just something about it that puts a smile on my face and a little extra energy in my steps.  I really must get round to going up a few more times before I leave.  We had a very successful trip, and a lovely lunch out.

Yesterday, after a lazy start and a little errand running trip into town, I stopped procrastinating and made a start on the dresses.  I insisted on making trial dresses for all of the bridesmaids, and I'm really glad I did, because the pattern has a lot of positive ease, and they found the dresses (made according to the measurements I was give) way too big.  I've finally had all the pinned trials back and made a start on cutting out the real fabric.

This consisted of turning my tiny little flat into a sweat shop.  I have next to no room to layout even half of the eight and a half meters of fabric I've been given.  I managed but gently folding and draping around my ironing board.

 

Several hours (8-10, I lost track!) later, I was left with three little labelled piles.  And one very large pile of scraps.

 And a tip for all you out there, I would advise you *not* to cut out three dresses, back to back on your floor.  It's like some sort of weird yoga.  I ache everywhere today!

And today, after a very lazy start and lie in, I went for a wonder round Ninesprings.  The little area of Yeovil that looks like it should inspire fairy tales and other enchanted things.  And it was alive!  Life everywhere.  Yet at the same time tranquil.  And so sunny.  And of course, there was knitting in the sunshine. What more could I ask for.

There were some amazing reflections in the lake.  Kinda makes me want to get more into photography.  But for now I'll stick with the knitting, spinning, felting, dying and sewing!

A daybook: An attempt to calm and order my overactive mind

FOR TODAY

Written at half post three in the morning!

Outside my window... Well, let's be honest, the curtains are drawn.  But I'm guessing it's dark.  I'm not particularly interested!

I am thinking... that putting my thoughts down on "paper" will help me order them and perhaps even settle my crazy overactive brain a little, and let me get some sleep.

I am thankful... for my new job, for finally being successful in applying for the thing that I've had my heart set on for so long.  For the new lease of life that this has given me.  But mostly I'm thankful for the amazing support I've had from everyone in this topsy-turvy last few months, and for their enthusiastic partaking in my overwhelming joy in my good news as I'm finally getting my chance to tell them.  I feel truely blessed, and I've had so many lovely congratulatory hugs today.  It does however fill me with a touch of sadness to know that my time with these wonderful people is now limited.

In the kitchen... there are high piled plates in need of a wash.  By no means the worst it's ever been, but still impressive when considering that I've only been back in my flat for a couple of days!  There's also a half eaten loaf of homemade bread.  I really enjoy baking bread.  There's something very homey about it, and it makes the flat smell delicious!

I am wearing... lilac pjs.  And a well worn, cozy sweater that is well and truely beyond it's best, but it's snuggly and I only wear it at home as a winter pj top up.  And my fit-flops, because my feet were very achy this even when I finally got myself out of bed after a very hectic nightshift.

I am creating...  lots of things, I'm usually fairly good about not having too many WIPs on the go at any given time, but I'm surrounded by half finished things.  Today I've been working on a rounded yoke, knit in one piece, navy baby cardigan for a friend.  I've also got to sew up and knit the neck back on another little cardigan for this same friend - a chore that I've been putting off for several weeks already.  So it's high on my list of priorities for tackling this week.  As is the 90% done pair of socks that have been about 90% done for around a year now, I *will* finish them this week. I also must remember to finally knit the neck border on my lovely green and blue lace shawl and get it blocked.  I've been so excited about this project but lost puff right at this final stage.  I *will* finish it this week too!

I've also started a project for myself for a change - a cabled vest top that I'm making with some lovely 100% merino yarn that my mum brought back from South Africa a few years ago. It's taken ages for me to find a pattern that I really wanted to make with this special yarn.  I'm a little over halfway on the back, but this project will be relegated this week with so much else happening, both crafty and otherwise.  It will be hibernating along side the sweater for myself that I started before Christmas, that just needs it's sleeves now, but I've ignored for weeks.  I'm not very good at prioritising knits that are for me!

I am going...to eventually go to bed.... not really tired right now, but getting there.  My body clock is all over the place, the rhythm of night shifts still dominating and the excitement and prospect of major life changes over the coming months meaning that even when I'm tired, sleep remains distant and secondary to the whirl of thoughts going round and round in my head.  Most of them thoughts I've been having all week, and when I'm tired, they're not even original variations of these thoughts!  They're just very hard to calm and stop.

I am wondering... what to watch next.  So far this evening, I woke up around 5pm, having slept all day after a very hectic night shift.  I had a pounding headache, which with hindsight was a migrane, since all I could do was lie in the dark with my eyes closed and then be sick.  I promptly feel asleep on the sofa by about 7pm, to wake up just before midnight... finally ready to start my day.  So far, I've been knitting and distracting myself with iPlayer on the telly, mostly lighthearted classics -  Madagascar (because I'm a big kid and love animated films), Junior Doctors (I find this difficult to watch at times, it's all a little too close to home, but I find the more work and experience I get, the more I can use it as a reflective exercise!), and I've just finished Tropic Thunder, which I adore for all it's outrageous silliness, and it also holds a special place in my heart as I watched it for the first time in East London, South Africa, whilst on my elective.

I am reading... The Pillars of the Earth by Ken Follet.  I didn't think I was ready for another epic read after having only finished A Song of Ice and Fire (the Game of Thrones) series a few months ago.  But I'm lapping it up, and it's a surprisingly easy going read.  I'm over a third through in less than a week, which is very speedy reading for me, because I usually don't get round to reading much as I'm always knitting or spinning instead.  But this week when I've been very tired and struggling to sleep, it's been a welcome distraction.  I made the foolish mistake of watching the first episode of the tv series on Netflix.  I really disliked it, the book is just too fresh in my mind, that I got very annoyed by all the departures from the book!  Fortunately, I feel asleep whilst watching it, so it didn't ruin too much.

I am hoping... to have a really productive week, stuck in Yeovil on annual leave and broke!  I need to do some serious sorting and tidying of my flat.  And some planning.  And get lots of sleep.... we'll just have to see how this all pans out.

I am looking forward to... the adventures that await me at the end of the summer - a new, much longed for job and a new home.  The thought of it has awaken so much passion and excitement for my life, despite the undoubted challenges it will bring.  This has been something I've been really missing recently and been feeling very restless about, so it is wonderful to have this renewed energy.

I am learning...  about French gardens.  I've decided that this is what I'll watch next, and it's running in the background as I type.  I love gardens and green spaces, but wow these are on a whole other level, very organized, tidy and elegant, and isn't that just the antithesis of my life.

Around the house...  My crafting corner is taking over!  And driving me scatty.  I really do need to tidy this area over the next few days.  It's the one collection of "stuff" that I can't bring myself to thin out, but certainly the one that keeps growing at an alarming rate and takes up the most space in my flat.  I guess I can't win!  Besides that, the flat is generally messy.  Not particularly dirty, but stuff everywhere, so typical of when I've been on nights.  I've got an overwhelming itch to sort it all... but it's the sort of thing that I refuse to do at this time of day!  And one of those rare events, I have fresh flowers in my flat.  Yay, bright tulips in several colours.  A congratulations present from a dear friend.

I am pondering... on how soon it will be appropriate to start contacting my new hospital to start getting more info from them.  There will be so much to sort out and they will undoubtedly provide me with a lot of the answers to the endless list of questions floating round my head.  But I've only received the job offer a week ago, and that was from a centralised location.  I don't want to be pestering them before they even know of my existence and that they should be expecting me.  I need to take a deep breath and be patient, but this is something I've been wanting for so long, that I'm finding it hard to quell my excited energy!

A favorite quote for today...  I wish I had something profound to say, but I don't.  I suppose on a purely selfish note, it has to the the "congratulations" that I've heard endlessly at the start of my day as I was finally able to start spreading the word of my successful interview to my friends and colleagues at work.  How I will miss these people who have been my extended family over the last few years and who have given me endless support and confidence boosts in the build up to my application and interview.

One of my favorite things... very materialistic, but my spinning wheel.  I can't wait to indulge in lots of spinning over the coming days, annual leave really lends itself to spinning binges.  I find much easier to knit at the end of a busy day of work, that I don't spin very much during the week.  Although having said that, I have so many knitting projects that I really want to crack on with... but I'm sure I'll find a happy compromise to this truly "dreadful" situation that I find myself in!

A few plans for the rest of the week: sort through dvds, file long ignored paper work, sort through my clothes and get rid of things that have become somewhat tatty, stained and holey.  Wish me luck!

A peek into my day...

The ever growing crafting corner, where fibre and yarn are overflowing their bags.

Bright tulips!

 

The sofa besides me - shiny new laptop, knitting stuff, TV remote and my blanket.

(Partaking, for the first time, with The Simple Woman.)

A week in Derby... and a week in Yeovil

Back on the trains, nine days later... Nine days sounds like so long, but it's really not! It's flown by all too quickly. I wish I could have turned it in to longer. Which is ridiculous, I hardly have a demanding or tiring rotation at the moment. But maybe that's the problem, I know that this week has speed by because I have been so busy and surrounded by those I hold so dear, and I'm heading back towards something which I'm not fully enjoying. It's so silly, I find myself quite conflicted about my feelings towards GP land. It's not what I want to do, I don't want to be there, I'm frustrated by the buses and how expensive they are, my budget is being gobbled up by spending nearly £40 a week on buses plus the couple of misadventures when I've missed my bus and had to pay for a very expensive taxi. And I miss being at the hospital really badly. I miss being hecticly busy, and getting stuck in. I prefer the roles and responsibilities placed on me by hospital practice. And I miss the comeradery if being there, being able to unwind with my contemporaries and the banter you engage in with the nurses, physios, pharmacists and all those people. I get annoyed by my lack of knowledge and constantly (or so it seems) having to ask for help. Yet I don't actually have anything to complain about. Everyone in GP land is very sweet and accommodating, and I do enjoy parts of it, like the variety and the different types of patients - it's fun to do a little paeds. Yet it's by far the least passion I've had for any of my rotations, leaving me sitting here on this train, sad that I'm finished my week of annual leave and that tomorrow I'll be back at work.

....

And then another week later - kinda forgot to finish this post.

So Derby:

 You can just about make out the huge spider and beyond - all the apples wasted during the 3 weeks my parents were away.

 My exciting parcel, all squidged down, was:

 Half a coloured Ryeland shearling fleece, completely raw and ready to be worked on.

 The first soak (and my toes!)

 Disgusting and slightly smelly water after the first soak.

 Subsequent soaks getting clearer.

 I got a chance to finish the sweater for Conner.

And knitted a whole lace shawlette for my gran as part of TGCC.  Here's an early shot.

I spent many long but all too quick hours at Sarah's, with her family and Emma and Connor.  It was such a special time, and something I hold so dear.  To just be, in calm chaotic companionship.  We knitted, gossiped, drank endless cups of tea, went for walks with the girls, did a little cooking, a little cleaning and laundry... And apparently, reading that back, somewhere along the way turned into our mothers!  We also went swimming.  I went to the cinema twice, once with my Mum, as a girls night out when my dad was away overnight for work, and then with Jenna, to give her a chance to do something fun and uninterupted by little people.  I went for a lovely dinner with my wonderful Sam (and there may have been other people there, I forget now! ;)).  Really quite busy with simple nothingness.

And on the Saturday, a special muddy and at times very wet walk with so many of my nearest and dearest.

The Attenborough Nature Reserve - a place for the designing of mischief and meyhem.

 E.g. the grownups getting stuck up trees.

 A place where you have to dress appropriately...

... For puddle stomping...

 ...Saying hello to horses...

... Picnicking...

 ... and tickles...

 Feeding...

 ...and then chasing ducks...

 Adults who don't dress appropriately for these activities will do so at their own risk!

 We did find safer ways to feed the ducks.

 And at the end of it all... well there were smiles all round and everyone survived!

And then we headed back to Sarah's for a nice warming cup of tea, and dress up, for which Kev was very indulgent!

And I wonder why I sit on the train lamenting the end of my annual leave!  But life goes on, but with happy, warm fuzzy feeling inducing memories to keep me going until I next get to see everyone.  Thanks. :)

Catching up! Part 1 - work

Well, since it looks like I'm not going to be sleeping for a while...I'll try do some catching up.

It's been since December, and that's really hard to believe.  I had just started my surgical rotation.  So let me think... things that have happened since then.

I loved my surgical rotation, with a passion!  It was a very different pace of life and structured very differently in terms of day to day responsiblities and duties.  Two things really made this placement for me, first, the wonderful people I was working with.  All the surgical teams were fantastically welcoming, friendly and supportive.  I found it interesting and it made me really want to get stuck in, learn more and get the hands on experience, something which I felt they recognised and appreciated.  My registrar, in particuar was fantastic and really encouraged me and helped me regain my confidence.  He was very generous with his positive feedback, and at giving me support with things I felt shakey about.  The strained working relationship I had had with my SHO on my previous job had really shattered my confidence and my self-esteem.  But that definitely changed with surgery. 

The second thing that I really got out of this placement was it cemented in my head what I want to do when I grow up.  As a medical student, I always thought I didn't want to be a surgeon, and was really unsure about the idea of literally cutting people up!  Which really conflicted with the fact that the area I found most interesting was obstetrics and gynaecology.  And then I did my first placement, and I really enjoyed medicine and working, and found the variety quite interesting.  I enjoyed doing the odd procedure.  And I really started to think that acute medicine was perhaps the thing for me.  And then I started surgery...

I found myself drawn more and more to those operating theatres.  I would feel motivated to be super organised about my main duties, so I could rush to spend as much time as possible in theatres.  At first, it was mainly observing, but man... is that draw is powerful.  The overwhelming urge to experience it, hands on, even if just to hold retractors or hold the laprascopic camera.  I would use every opportunity to scrub in and assist, frequently staying late to get the chance to go to theatres.  And the more I did that, the more familiar the theatre staff and the surgeons became with me, and my reward was great!  I was allowed (under very close supervision and guidance) to do small things, including making a couple of incisions (scary because after it's all done, the scar from that incision, is the one thing that stays with the patient as an external reminder) and closing the incisions, and various things like that.  I found it all so very rewarding, and who'd have thought, I actually do have an inner surgeon, and in all honesty, it didn't take very much to wake it!

So I have decided, for definite, that I want to go into Obstetrics and Gynaecology.  It interests me, there's a fair amount of variety and lots of opportunity for hands on practical procedures that I crave.

And that was surgery for me.  If at the start of the year, you'd have asked me to predict which of my three jobs I would enjoy the most, I really wouldn't have picked surgery!  And yet, by far it was.  It may not have given me some of the challenges that that first job did, and I may not have learnt as much, but I will always view it as my most useful one, as it was the one that gave me my confidence back, I got so much pure enjoyment out of and helped me decide what I want to do with my life.

I'm now on my last job of the year, which is another medical job, and as someone pointed out to me, my last  ever medical job!  Which is very scary, and slightly sad thought.  I do enjoy parts of medicine and wish that I could experience it more as I'm sure there's lots more I can gain from it.  But unfortunately, the way that doctor's careers are structed these days, there's no scope for that, unless I decide to delay applying to O&G training posts and do non-training jobs.

I'm now on the cardiology ward, which in Yeovil has a particular flavour to it.  We don't have the facilities for interventional cardiology, so we don't deal with some of the more traditional cardiology things.  So there's some general medicine thrown in for good measure.  It's probably the calmest medical ward in the hospital, which is a very big change from that first job, on the most notoriously busy and hectic ward in the hospital.  And also, I've been working for nearly a year, so I am now more confident and experienced, and I think that also contributes to a much less stressful job.  I enjoy it, but I think I'm not getting as much out of it as my two earlier jobs.  But that's fine, I have a much nicer lifestyle now, and I'm very happy to settle for that!

Has it really been that long?

I've been on call today, and for the first time, chatting with various nurses, it dawned on me.  I have just two days left of my current placement.  And who would have ever thought it, but it actually fills me with a great deal of sadness.  In the two and a half months since I last blogged (!) I've come to love my job.  I've found my rhythm and I can actually say I enjoy my job.  There are now only fleeting moments when I'm feeling a little swamped that I slightly begrudge it all.  And I actually feel like I can cope, actually, it feels rather natural too, and dare I say it, at times I actually think I may be rather good at it.  There are moments when clearly I'm not... but still!  I can't believe how far I've come in what is such a short amount of time.  I've just read back at my previous few entries, and I feel like a different person to that overwhelmed and green doctor.  I still can't quite believe that this is where I am now, and that I'm actually here, doing this, that thing that was a pipe dream for so long.  And now, I have to prepare myself for all new adventures in my next rotation.

So, what have I been doing since I last posted?  Well, besides that crazy 10 hour days that I barely notice anymore, and sleeping, I have:
1) been on holiday to Dublin with Lorri, which was fun and exciting, and soooooo grown up - a girls weekend away.  With complimentary champagne courtesy of the hotel apologising for the 5am fire alarm, facials, shopping, getting Lorri to love and stroke the pretty yarns at the local yarn shop, Japanese cocktails over sushi and tasty food, the search for "real" Irish music, sipping Guiness whilst posing for photos, and then ditching the foul tasting stuff, looking in the window of EVERY jewellry shop we past, being gently reminded of the violent and colourful history of the country, crazy traffic lights with awesome robotic sounds, kicking up the leaves on St Stephen's green, admiring the beautiful autumn around us!  It was awesome, thanks Lorri!

2) Buying more stuff for crafting that I could even begin to think I had the time for!  But I have still squeezed in several hats, a couple of cowls, a couple of adult jumpers, a couple of scarfs, two pairs of socks, 100g of spun fibre.

3) Spending Halloween in Bristol with my nearest and dearest, after spending the day at Fibreflurry with Mary (bless her!) then shopping at the Bullring, on a whim!  Playing mini-golf and not coming last!

4) Many meals out, some just because, some to unwind, some to catch up, some for celebrating being paid!

5) Making peace with my SHO long enough to have a lovely photo taken with him and the other two doctors on my ward.

6) Obtaining 2.6kg of alpaca fleece, which I have no idea when I'll ever get round to finish washing, let alone picking, carding and spinning!

7) Enjoying Yeovil and pretty sunsets over the hospital

And that pretty much sums up the last few months for me.  It's not been too bad at all, and boy has it sped past!