Catching up (aka. procrastinating)

I'm supposed to be packing.  I hate packing.  And I'm bunged up thanks to the tail end of a mild cold from the weekend.  My ear is popping like mad and I feel not quite of this planet... somewhat floating.  It's hard to concentrate on anything serious.  Just wanna sleep and veg.... but oh well.  I decided I'd make a start on a catch up post.  My poor little flat has been so deliciously crowded and noisy over the last couple of weeks.  Such a change from just me wondering round.  It's also a bit of a tip, because it's a tad bit packed, laundry everywhere (I want everything to be clean and fresh before it goes into storage), knitting/fibre everywhere, new books (on sock knitting, natural dyeing and spinning), I've been to lazy to doing the dishes (made a start this morning, they're drying naturally before I do the second batch).  Yup, it's a mess and chaotic, and right now I really just couldn't be bothered, with any of it.  I just want to sit here and ignore it all.  But soon time will pressure me into it all.  I have a provisional leaving day of Thursday, so I REALLY need to get a move on!... but not now.  Let me share the last few days.

I've mentioned the important things.  Yes, I am now a doctor.  Apparently.  It's a strange anticlimax.  It was this stressful build up and to be honest, I don't really feel any different.  I *know* that things are about to change, and I seem to be getting on with the planning, but it doesn't really feel like it's actually happening.  I think that when I start the job, this might be different.  But for now it's this surreal daze of "okay... now what?"  Maybe part of this is to do with the fact that I have so many distractions.

The Clarks arrived on Wednesday, after my morning nap to get over the night shifts.  My tiny one bed flat was very quickly childed!  My teddies were claimed, corners explored and things got into that I thought were suitably out of reach or at least temptation way.  After their long journey and my mucked up body clock, we mainly settled for a lazy afternoon at home.  As it was starting to cool down, we headed to the park, to burn off energy, to get some fresh air and to have a little picnic the the beautiful weather.

Unfortunately, our trip to the park was marred by Morgan falling over.  Sarah decided it was best to get her checked out as she fell onto a rusty nail and there's always a worry of tetanus with things like that.  Fortunately she was fine.  And made it back for a rather late night of cramming on my little sofa and having cuddles.

On Thursday, we went to the Suspension Bridge and the camera obscura.  I love the camera, it's such old, simple technology, but so effective.  Unfortunately, I forgot my camera, so no photos.  After we got back, there was the tense wait for the results email.  Then celebrating, swimming, more friends round for champagne and fun.

My Bristol friends on the whole don't spend much time around little people, but they were all so gentle and sweet with the kids.  I really couldn't ask for more amazing friends with which to spend such a special day.

Friday was another very long busy day.  Since I am now officially leaving Bristol, I thought I should try do some of the things that I've been meaning to do for the last seven years, but never quite got round to.  SO we caught a ferry, went to @Bristol and the aquarium.  @Bristol was amazing, so much fun, and so interactive.  And the planetarium was awesome!

 Exploring a veggie bed whilst waiting in Castle Park for the ferry

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We rushed round the aquarium at breakneck speed so we could see the imax 3D screening, which rocked!  And then we attempted to go around again but didn't really go much slower.  We did manage to catch up with one of the feeding times which was really well done.  The girl who did it was really informative and told us lots of things about the various fish and turtles in that tank.

Afterwards, we descending on the fountains in the square outside the museums to cool down, relax and have ice creams in the late afternoon sunshine.

Paddy very kindly invited us round for dinner, and let the girls play on his wii, the baby had fun climbing into the washing machine and waving at people walking past down below from the balcony.

Saturday was a lazy, more self-indulgent day.  After all the long days and late nights, and my cold rearing it's ugly head, I think us grown ups were feeling less and less motivated.  Sarah and I abandoned small people with daddy and headed to Get Knitted to indulge ourselves in all things yarnie.  And we totally didn't buy over 20 balls of on sale Sublime...

Sunday was a slow day at home, with a roast dinner before my visitors headed home.  And now it's back to the quite of my flat and the hassle of packing.  But before I do... some of the new pretty colours and toys in my life:

My absolutely beautiful new spindle from Wildcraft.

And I think it is officially the first time my Dad has actually written me a card.  That sort of thing is usually left to my mom to sort out.

Now really must get on with some somethingness.

On being a medical student no longer

I think I need to find a new title for my blog! The current one now seems a little redundant! Yup, I am no longer a medical student but something completely different and nw, yet at the same time something that gas been longed for and wanted for so long now. It is well over 10 years now since I officially, definitely decided I wanted to be a doctor. And everything in my life has been leading up to this ever since that 15 year sat in front of ER and said, "that's what I want to do with my life". This I kept to myself at first, carefully plotting and considering. This is something I have never taken lightly. I did ponder long and hard, and walking around it would be all I'd think of. Inmentally composed a pros and cons list. I weighed this up. I thought some more. What would I need to do? What would I need to achieve to get this that I wanted so badly? It was a difficult time in my life. I'm sure those who knew me at the time would testify to the fact that I wasn't always the easiest person to be around. I was a depressed girl whose world had been turned upside down by having to move half a world a way from everything I knew. I was confused and uncertain of myself. But once that decision had been made, I had purpose and drive. A reason to live. There had to be something out there, greater than the world I found myself in. Deciding to become a doctor was my life and my whole world after that. And now... Mission acomplished. And what a ride it has been. The things I've learnt and experienced along the way, how i've grown! Now what... Next stop Yeovil and actually doing the job! How exciting!

Today was a busy day. Besides results, we kept ourselves on he go. We had a really lazy start to the day. After a late night last night following Morgan's trip to the hospital (she fell on a dirty rusty nail in the park, so Sarah was concerned about tetenus risk). We brought breakfast on the go, went to the post office, picked up a parcel (most beautiful spindle you ever did see and some utterly gorgeous fibre) went to the toy shop, went to the camera obscura in Clifton which was amazing, trekked home, got the good news, went swimming, had pizza for dinner, had some friends over for champagne and celebrating, my two world colliding, Bristol and Derby friends, in a happy coherent place, full of love, laughter and games. I could not ask for better friends and I'm so glad to have had . And now, we're once again exhausted. I will sit down at some point and do a proper blog about it all. But for now, my lids are heavy and we have another very busy day planned! Yay!

ETA:  my iPhone didn't want to play last night, so this is a delayed posting!  Ooops!

I can't sleep!

Thank goodness for iPhones, huh? I'm utterly unable to sleep and because I've got a housefull of visitors, all snuggly, cozily squished in, I can't get to my laptop. I can't just get up and switch lights on and sit and knit...or spin. I have a real craving to do some spinning right now. The slow rhythmic nature or getting that spindle going and gently drafting out some gorgeous fibre... Yup, a right old craving. Not that I'm complaining in the slightest, I'm loving my housefull and the crazy, but loving chaos. And I'm so glad to have company... But it's officially now results day... And a year since... Well a year since my life officially fell apart. Will this year be any different? I know it's completely irrational, but I'm actually expecting the worst. This year has turned me into such a selfdoubter that I can't even visualise passing. It's just too wierd a concept. 4pm... What will you hold for me?

So that's why I can't sleep right now. My stomach's churning, nausea never far away. I had managed to forget about today for a while with my visitors here, but as we were saying good night, we talked about our plans for today... And besides wanting to pick up my new spindle that is currently being held hostage by royal mail, my thoughts finally returned to what today is. And now I can't stop thinking about it.

And I suppose the other factor here for my restlessness is the fact that I've just done 4 night shifts, so my body clock is a little skewed, but still this is redicilous, and there's so much we have planned for the next few days, I just hope I'm not going to be a zombie through it. So, Clark family, I apologise now if I am. But I'm so grateful that you are here, hopefully to share in my good news and for your distractions and love. I really wouldn't have it any other way.

Busy Week

Yup, it's been a wee while since I posted.  This was due to two reasons, nope, three reasons.  First. I was enjoying life with no exams, no stresses and nothing to pour effort into.  I wondered round aimlessly, did lots of knitting, making stuff for a friend I just found out was pregnant.  And my first ever commissioned piece - a blanket in red, yellow and orange.  I was just enjoying me time, and not having stresses and just being.

Secondly, I did some shifts at work.  I've more or less gone through my insurance money.  It was good in that it gave me a chance to not work whilst I was getting ready for finals, and this was important.  It just meant that I had halved the income coming in, so it's now more or less gone.  So need some money for stuff over the summer, like paying a couple of bills, paying for storage, paying for yarn to play with (yay, planning on doing some more dyeing!  and spinning and well... all that stuff), paying for some new work clothes, and yup, basically need some money coming in so I can survive until that first pay cheque. 

And third reason was I had visitors!  Emma, Chris and Connor trekked down to Bristol on the train.  And I had a wonderful excuse to show off Bristol.  My camera was unfortunately out of battery and I can't for the life of me think of where the charger was!  So limited photos because like the dope I am, I forgot that I actually have a camera on my phone!  So there are only a couple of pics:

Connor was fascinated by the washing machine, and spent ages chatting to it was it whired and spun and did it's thing.  It's scary how big this gorgeous little boy has got.  My flat probably wasn't quite as baby-proof as needed for this very mobile fella! 

We went to see the suspension bridge and wondered round Clifton, wondered round the shops on Gloucester Road (how I'm going to miss this road!), and even got round to trekking to Weston on the bus to go to the beach, which was wonderful.  Connor found it an exciting place to be and apparently sand is quite tasty!  We had lots of meals outside, and trips to the parks.  It was lovely.  And we were truely blessed with fantastic weather, right up until we went to catch the bus to get them to their train home, when the skys opened and poured.  This, along with diversions through the city, meant that the traffic was crazy and we ended up not quite making it, despite having given ourselves extra time.  What was more frustrating was that it was by seconds, Chris literally was able to touch the train, and push the door open button, but we were too late.  But they did manage to get another one half an hour later, and got home safely.  Thanks for a lovely few days guys!

And now, it's back to work for a few more days, and then the Clarks visit and then packing.  It's going to be a crazy couple of weeks, but at least I'll be busy!

Catching up... again

It's been ages.  And quite a tough stressful ages.  The car issue has been dragged out and I've been back in Bristol, dealing with the stress of sorting it all out and dealing with it all alone.  I know that this is a decision that I have made for myself, and I honestly don't mind, but I don't think I've ever felt it as much as I have over the last couple of weeks.  I have been in touch with my friends and family loads, but knocking around my flat by myself, time has dragged, and the loneliness dreadful.  I've felt so restless at times and so trapped at others.  I've wanted to scream and then cry.  You'll be glad to know that I haven't!  But I've felt like it!

But in amongst it all there have been positive moments, with the support of my wonderful friends.  So here it is, the story of the last few weeks.

The car:  I ended up accompanying the car, on a flat bed truck, to the insurance appointed garage, which was beyond Bristol.  Fortunately, the very lovely recovery truck driver gave me a lift back to Gloucester, from where I was able to jump on a bus and get back to Cheltenham, at the end of a very long day.  The burnt smell of the airbags lingering on me, all I wanted to do was shower and wash my hair.  And then just curl up in a ball and sleep.  I resisted the urge though, and instead went out for dinner with my coursemates, to celebrate the end of our time in Cheltenham.  I think getting out and about was good for me, to be surrounded by people and to have some distraction.

Thursday, I did allow myself to wallow.  I was suddenly hurt.  I'm not sure if it was a seatbelt injury, or if it was from holding myself tensely and shivering and shaking so much the previous day.  But I was so very sore across my chest.  And exhausted, I had barely slept.  So I stayed at home, did a little knitting, watched some stuff on my laptop and then ended up sleeping all afternoon.  Then we went out to dinner as a flat, a final bonding experience for the three of us, who had individually gone through so much in that flat, that we had shared and supported each other through.  I'm so glad to have bonded such lovely girls who I'm sure we will always look back at our time fondly and be grateful for.

Friday brought new adventures - driving again.  I had a courtesy car from my insurance company.  And I was dreading driving.  First time after my crash and also because I've hardly driven any other car since I learnt to drive.  Pleased to say, in a slightly strange, lacking kind of way, it was fine.  It was just driving.  Once I was in the car, it was almost as if nothing had happened.  One of my friends agreed to come back to Bristol with me, to act as some morale support and as a very soothing, calming influence.  And she was wonderful.  Thanks Charlotte.

And life goes on... it was back to work at the weekend.  And then the nightmare of sorting it all out.  Last week Tuesday was an overwhelming day.
1)  I learnt that the driver of the other car is making a personal claim, via a very snooty, aggressive, intimidating letter.  (Which luckily, I have legal cover with the insurance, so all I had to do was forward the letter onto the insurance company and let them deal with it all, so glad about that).  I was very upset and thrown by this letter, but I have been reassured by everyone that it's just par for the course following an accident these days.
2)  I found out about my jobs.  I will be spending the first two years if my working life in Yeovil, a place I've never been to before.  I will be doing the following rotations: F1 - endocrinology; gastric surgery; general medicine.  F2 - GP (mmmm, not something I really wanted); trauma & orthopaedics (something I wanted even less!) and finally Obstetrics and gynaecology (yay, at least I got this!).  I'm sure these two years will be full of all sorts of adventures and learning experiences
3)  The engineer from my insurance company phoned to confirm that the car is a definite write off and to let me know how much I will be receiving.

In amongst this all - the slightly more positives.
My birthday - was on a Sunday.  Was lovely and lazy, full of loving messages, and a evening meal at a pan-Asian buffet in town with some of my friends.
Uni - am currently spending four weeks doing a GP audit.  I have collected my data and then trying to get motivated enough to start writing up the results!
Knitting - Ru wristwarmers are finished.  And so are two gorgeous vests for two lovely little girls.  And now I'm busy working on a lacey scarf for Farrah, using one of the balls of hand dyed that I painted at the workshop.
Friends - random pancake evenings, random relaxing at home, watching 24, playing on the Wii, and general distractions
Visits - the Clarks came and spent an evening with me last weekend.  I crazy, busy, joyous afternoon and evening.  My little flat hasn't had that much noise in weeks combined.  It was great, and just what I needed.  Company.  We didn't do very much, we went shopping (much to the girl's horror, and only redeemed by going to the best toy shop ever!), and a lazy dinner of naan bread pizzas, and all things yarn!  It was lovely, thanks guys, and we have to do it again!

And I think that is a fairly brief summary of things.  I'm still waiting for the cheque to come through, the insurance company have had some silly delays caused by people going on holiday without filing reports.  I'm hoping to get it in the next couple of days.  And then I'm hoping to go home to Derby for a long weekend, to see my parents before they go off on holiday over Easter and to have some company to cheer me up.  I need the soothing, cathartic influence of being around those I love.

And now, some photos:
Firstly, the yarn all dried and looking so amazing, I'm so proud of my creativity and can't wait to see what it all turns out like when knitted.

Sock yarn - pink with purple lowlights

Sock yarn - much brighter green than originally intended

Final sock yarn

Silk hankie

DK for Sarah, was supposed to be turquoise and purple, but ended up blue and purple

DK in gold and earthy red tones

Scrumptious Lace (45% silk, 55% merino) in semisolid plummy colour

Scrumptious Chunky in various shades of blue, purple and red

Ru's wristwarmer's - it's very difficult to take a photo of both your hands when you're by yourself!

Playing with my new toy, a wool winder

Getting ready to start Farrah's scarf

Little vests:

Close up of Jenna's armholes, unintended two tone as I was sooooo close to running out of wool

And they fit!

And finally, my flat being filled with people

The girls helped me wind the left over wool from Morgi's vest and made just-for-her wool of Sarah's.  And not the DVDs aren't all neatly lined up.  Apparently best game in my flat for little bean hands is to pull them all off the shelves until you're sitting in a pile bigger than you!

Apparently wool-winders are great toys for all ages, not just for me!

Just looking through these photos and it amazes me just how busy and full the last few weeks have been, filled with so much bad and yet so much good.  No wonder I feel drained and not myself.  Such a rollercoaster.  But I suppose that's just life...