Easter break is well and truly over. And above all, it has been a break. I’ve not rushed myself, worked myself, pressured myself. I’ve just relaxed. One could perhaps argue that this was the last thing I need to do, with exams getting so close, and heaven forbid my mother ever finds out how little revision I’ve done. But I disagree… or perhaps I’m fighting to justify my actions. After the last few months that I’ve had, probably going right back to last summer, I’ve been stressed and quite down at times. And I don’t believe that that’s the most productive frame of mind for me. I need to unwind, and just be. I feel completely refreshed, and so ready to hit the road running and really just get on with life and answer all the demands that my particular path has thrown at me. I really do feel at ease and replenished, and what better way to enter the stress that will be the next few months. And boy, are they going to be busy! There’s so many dates that I have to aim to, but I suppose the main one is August 4. That is the “Official” start date of working, although I will have had about a week and a half of induction at the hospital for which I will be paid for… so arguably, I’ll be working before then… but that is the date to keep in mind. But before that, there is revising, normal uni commitments, exams, graduation, summer, relaxing, moving and no doubt just a wee bit of knitting!
I suppose today is the first day that I’ve really given the next few weeks serious thought. I KNEW that I have exams coming up, but they’ve all been a little distant. But now, as I say goodbye to all the loved ones in Derby, knowing that I won’t be back until after everything has been done, it’s starting to feel real. And I’ve had my first taste of “the fear”. This is the thing that focuses me and makes me revise. I’ve been waiting for it for ages. I never really can focus or be productive without it. I’m a last minute person, and most people I know got it ages ago. But I’m glad I’ve got it now. It’s the proverbial kick up the backside that demands action. And rather than it being a negative experience, I feel exhilarated by it. So very alive. I love this feeling. And I know that this in part stems from being in a relaxed, positive frame of mind. I know I can do it!
I’m sitting on a coach typing this (obviously not online). They must be doing works or repairs on the rail line somewhere. So my usually direct, 2hr 10min train journey is now a 3hr 10min train-coach-train affair. I’m back on my old haunt, the M5. So weird to be a passenger. So used to nipping down this road in my car. It’s so familiar, but not. And how bad is it that as I’m travelling along, gazing out at the fields, seeing the sheep and their lambs everywhere, I can’t help but want to rush up to them and run my hands threw their fleeces and well… steal it to knit with. Like I even need anymore wool! Lol, yes I know, you’re probably thinking “and you think that that’s all that’s wrong with that!!”. Yes, I admit, I’m a nutter and wool/yarn obsessed. I’ll just have to make do with the thought that my YarnAddict sock club yarn should be waiting for me when I get in, eventually!
And finally, special thoughts for a special and very dear to me family. Sarah and co, I’m thinking of you and hope that Rowan gets better in time for her birthday. I’m so glad I got a chance to visit you in hospital this time round, I felt so helpless, useless and far away before, so I’m glad I could offer my support, even if it was just a bit of company for a couple of hours. And on a more positive note, thanks for making this last week and a bit so special, fun and productive. I’ve loved every moment, and as always, I could never thank you or repay you enough for what you have done (and continue to do) for me over the last year. So big love, hugs and kisses will have to make do for now, and my warmest thoughts and prayers.
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