As outlined in my first post, I thought I should be reflecting more, and trying to learn from my mistakes... trying to learn how to pass. Today was a very good episode of that. A full day at the hospital. Went on a ward round... nothing too special, but got to meet the team that I'll be working with for the next couple of days. Then there was a teaching session with one of the consultants. He was a bit of a dragon, the people who were presenting were nervous messes, you could hear how dry their mouths were, and they were visibly shook up by the experience. He was very mean. No, he wasn't actually, he was very harsh, and thorough, but he wasn't outright mean. This was learning through tough loving. It's harsh, but I was totally able to see where he was coming from. Whilst I can't honestly say that he had the best of intentions and that he had our welfare at heart (he was no angel!) but he was trying to get his point across. And the point of his point was to make us better doctors. He had lots to say, and picked people's clerkings to pieces, but when it wasn't you under fire, it was a great learning opportunity.
It was also a great reflective opportunity for me. Sometimes, when he was ruthlessly going through someone's best efforts, it highlighted to me a lot of my own short comings. Got me really thinking. At times to the point of me thinking - "I see now whilst I failed". I don't think that it was a simple as what he was saying, but I do think it was a major part of what happened. Hearing it, and reflecting on it was hard, but I think it's what I need to hear to help build me up and get me on the path to doing the right thing to pass. So here's hoping.
Then later on, we had a similar sort of session with another consultant. If anyone from UoB Med School is reading this, they prob know in an instant who it was. He's the legend of the med school, and it's easy to see why. It was supposed to be an hour and a half, but we were still going strong after two. I had just clerked, a case I thought vaguely interesting, and one that I had struggled with, so I thought it would be great to find out which directions I should have taken. We spent the entire session on this case, and I laughed as I learned. Everything was picked apart (e.g. first started with the patient's gender and age - he made list of top diagnoses, he [kinda] got it right! But spent about 10mins discussing this alone!). His version of picking apart was very different. We learnt lots and explored issues, made references to various aspects of life as a doctor, and he dolled out the advice. It was great, he's a very engaging teacher. However, I never really go the opportunity to fully explore with him what I wanted to query about my clerking.
Two very different teaching styles, both equally valid and both have their strong points. Learnt far more about passing my exams from the first guy, but that was one high stress environment. The second guy is far more approachable, packed with crazy tangents. Informative (maybe too much so) and fun... but ultimately less memorable?
All in all a packed and productive day. Definitely some ideas to take forward with me. Everyday is an improvement, and I really have to try hard to do it right this time round. Failing is not an option. It wasn't an option last year. But these things happen. There will be no third chance. This is it! I want this more than anything else. My confidence is shaken. I have to recover. I've never thought about failure before. It was not something that seriously entered my mind. Now it's always lurking in the background. I hate this. Must think forward, not back.
On a more positive note, my current project is coming along nicely. I just have one more sleeve and the edging to finish a cardigan for my friend's daughter, Rowan. RoRo is about 7 months old now. Lady in pattern shop told me that it was about a one year old size. It's huge though. I think that this will be something that Sarah puts away for a while.... oooops! I decided to do this project because I had knitted Rowan's bigger sisters some stuff over the summer that they can wear now. I feel in a way my project is a whoopsy (trying to avoid the word failure!). Don't get me wrong, I like it, and I'm happy with the outcome thus far, but it's not meeting it's purpose. Don't worry however, I have already come up with a plan to ratify this! Watch this space!
Finally, went to see Fantastic Mr Fox last night. Was utterly charmed by it. Very sweet. I haven't read the book, so I don't feel a huge outrage at the "Americanisms" and deviations for the book that other people have. Was just what I was in the mood for, light-hearted fun and cute animals. Interesting style too.
Well, that's about all folks, better get used to it, always have too much to say!
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