A daybook: An attempt to calm and order my overactive mind

FOR TODAY

Written at half post three in the morning!

Outside my window... Well, let's be honest, the curtains are drawn.  But I'm guessing it's dark.  I'm not particularly interested!

I am thinking... that putting my thoughts down on "paper" will help me order them and perhaps even settle my crazy overactive brain a little, and let me get some sleep.

I am thankful... for my new job, for finally being successful in applying for the thing that I've had my heart set on for so long.  For the new lease of life that this has given me.  But mostly I'm thankful for the amazing support I've had from everyone in this topsy-turvy last few months, and for their enthusiastic partaking in my overwhelming joy in my good news as I'm finally getting my chance to tell them.  I feel truely blessed, and I've had so many lovely congratulatory hugs today.  It does however fill me with a touch of sadness to know that my time with these wonderful people is now limited.

In the kitchen... there are high piled plates in need of a wash.  By no means the worst it's ever been, but still impressive when considering that I've only been back in my flat for a couple of days!  There's also a half eaten loaf of homemade bread.  I really enjoy baking bread.  There's something very homey about it, and it makes the flat smell delicious!

I am wearing... lilac pjs.  And a well worn, cozy sweater that is well and truely beyond it's best, but it's snuggly and I only wear it at home as a winter pj top up.  And my fit-flops, because my feet were very achy this even when I finally got myself out of bed after a very hectic nightshift.

I am creating...  lots of things, I'm usually fairly good about not having too many WIPs on the go at any given time, but I'm surrounded by half finished things.  Today I've been working on a rounded yoke, knit in one piece, navy baby cardigan for a friend.  I've also got to sew up and knit the neck back on another little cardigan for this same friend - a chore that I've been putting off for several weeks already.  So it's high on my list of priorities for tackling this week.  As is the 90% done pair of socks that have been about 90% done for around a year now, I *will* finish them this week. I also must remember to finally knit the neck border on my lovely green and blue lace shawl and get it blocked.  I've been so excited about this project but lost puff right at this final stage.  I *will* finish it this week too!

I've also started a project for myself for a change - a cabled vest top that I'm making with some lovely 100% merino yarn that my mum brought back from South Africa a few years ago. It's taken ages for me to find a pattern that I really wanted to make with this special yarn.  I'm a little over halfway on the back, but this project will be relegated this week with so much else happening, both crafty and otherwise.  It will be hibernating along side the sweater for myself that I started before Christmas, that just needs it's sleeves now, but I've ignored for weeks.  I'm not very good at prioritising knits that are for me!

I am going...to eventually go to bed.... not really tired right now, but getting there.  My body clock is all over the place, the rhythm of night shifts still dominating and the excitement and prospect of major life changes over the coming months meaning that even when I'm tired, sleep remains distant and secondary to the whirl of thoughts going round and round in my head.  Most of them thoughts I've been having all week, and when I'm tired, they're not even original variations of these thoughts!  They're just very hard to calm and stop.

I am wondering... what to watch next.  So far this evening, I woke up around 5pm, having slept all day after a very hectic night shift.  I had a pounding headache, which with hindsight was a migrane, since all I could do was lie in the dark with my eyes closed and then be sick.  I promptly feel asleep on the sofa by about 7pm, to wake up just before midnight... finally ready to start my day.  So far, I've been knitting and distracting myself with iPlayer on the telly, mostly lighthearted classics -  Madagascar (because I'm a big kid and love animated films), Junior Doctors (I find this difficult to watch at times, it's all a little too close to home, but I find the more work and experience I get, the more I can use it as a reflective exercise!), and I've just finished Tropic Thunder, which I adore for all it's outrageous silliness, and it also holds a special place in my heart as I watched it for the first time in East London, South Africa, whilst on my elective.

I am reading... The Pillars of the Earth by Ken Follet.  I didn't think I was ready for another epic read after having only finished A Song of Ice and Fire (the Game of Thrones) series a few months ago.  But I'm lapping it up, and it's a surprisingly easy going read.  I'm over a third through in less than a week, which is very speedy reading for me, because I usually don't get round to reading much as I'm always knitting or spinning instead.  But this week when I've been very tired and struggling to sleep, it's been a welcome distraction.  I made the foolish mistake of watching the first episode of the tv series on Netflix.  I really disliked it, the book is just too fresh in my mind, that I got very annoyed by all the departures from the book!  Fortunately, I feel asleep whilst watching it, so it didn't ruin too much.

I am hoping... to have a really productive week, stuck in Yeovil on annual leave and broke!  I need to do some serious sorting and tidying of my flat.  And some planning.  And get lots of sleep.... we'll just have to see how this all pans out.

I am looking forward to... the adventures that await me at the end of the summer - a new, much longed for job and a new home.  The thought of it has awaken so much passion and excitement for my life, despite the undoubted challenges it will bring.  This has been something I've been really missing recently and been feeling very restless about, so it is wonderful to have this renewed energy.

I am learning...  about French gardens.  I've decided that this is what I'll watch next, and it's running in the background as I type.  I love gardens and green spaces, but wow these are on a whole other level, very organized, tidy and elegant, and isn't that just the antithesis of my life.

Around the house...  My crafting corner is taking over!  And driving me scatty.  I really do need to tidy this area over the next few days.  It's the one collection of "stuff" that I can't bring myself to thin out, but certainly the one that keeps growing at an alarming rate and takes up the most space in my flat.  I guess I can't win!  Besides that, the flat is generally messy.  Not particularly dirty, but stuff everywhere, so typical of when I've been on nights.  I've got an overwhelming itch to sort it all... but it's the sort of thing that I refuse to do at this time of day!  And one of those rare events, I have fresh flowers in my flat.  Yay, bright tulips in several colours.  A congratulations present from a dear friend.

I am pondering... on how soon it will be appropriate to start contacting my new hospital to start getting more info from them.  There will be so much to sort out and they will undoubtedly provide me with a lot of the answers to the endless list of questions floating round my head.  But I've only received the job offer a week ago, and that was from a centralised location.  I don't want to be pestering them before they even know of my existence and that they should be expecting me.  I need to take a deep breath and be patient, but this is something I've been wanting for so long, that I'm finding it hard to quell my excited energy!

A favorite quote for today...  I wish I had something profound to say, but I don't.  I suppose on a purely selfish note, it has to the the "congratulations" that I've heard endlessly at the start of my day as I was finally able to start spreading the word of my successful interview to my friends and colleagues at work.  How I will miss these people who have been my extended family over the last few years and who have given me endless support and confidence boosts in the build up to my application and interview.

One of my favorite things... very materialistic, but my spinning wheel.  I can't wait to indulge in lots of spinning over the coming days, annual leave really lends itself to spinning binges.  I find much easier to knit at the end of a busy day of work, that I don't spin very much during the week.  Although having said that, I have so many knitting projects that I really want to crack on with... but I'm sure I'll find a happy compromise to this truly "dreadful" situation that I find myself in!

A few plans for the rest of the week: sort through dvds, file long ignored paper work, sort through my clothes and get rid of things that have become somewhat tatty, stained and holey.  Wish me luck!

A peek into my day...

The ever growing crafting corner, where fibre and yarn are overflowing their bags.

Bright tulips!

 

The sofa besides me - shiny new laptop, knitting stuff, TV remote and my blanket.

(Partaking, for the first time, with The Simple Woman.)

The world according to Morgan, aged 6 years

I let Morgan play around with my camera the other day, and what a funny little snapshot into the mind of this quwirky little person.  It's interesting to see what's important to her, and what she thinks is worthy taking a photo of.  I had switched off the flash for the photos I was taking, so unfortunately, many of the pictures ended up a little blurry, but still lovely.  And now I'll shut up, because, well, I have no idea what was going through that mind as these portraits of Morgan's life were taken.

A frosty day

I seem to seldom post, and when I do it's generally about yarn and fibre in one form or the other.  But right now, I'm enjoying my post nights period, back in Derby with my friends.  It has been frightfully cold, but the world has been gloriously frosted with ice and the bright sun of the day has really made for beautiful pictures.  We went for a wonder around Attenborough in Nottingham, mainly to feed ducks.  But the light was beautiful, I couldn't help but take endless photos to capture a special day.

From ice tipped fences, rocks and grass - the crystals adding a touch of the magical to the everyday, usually ignored items.

 

 

To the lake, frozen over in places, resulting in special walking on water ducks.  The clear blue sky reflecting back, and the sun low in the sky adding a beautiful warm glow to the last of the autumn orange and yellows.  Beautiful silhouettes taken with that sun reflecting off the water for a breathtaking combination in a photo, belying the fact that it was lunchtime, not sunset.

And of course, portraits.  Who could ignore the somewhat aggressive swan, vainly ignoring all of the other creatures surrounding it?  That long neck making it taller than the toddlers and very intimidating, even to me.  And it didn't even want the seed we were throwing down.  It still stalked us and looked like it was going to attack us, oblivious to our attempts to shoo it away.

And the excitment of the small people, throwing the seed with glee and childful abandonment.  Birthday smiles for a dear little one year old who holds a very special place in my heart.  Is it really a year since I snuggled your newness under my cardigan as we wondered around Wirksworth?  It seems like a great metaphor for my life, to reflect on all the changes that have happened in our resepective lives since last Christmas.

A wonderful day, that inspired me to take lots of photos and capture the beauty of those surroundings and that warm golden glow. 

Ohhh! Squishy delights!

Waiting for me when I got home from a long day on call!

Memories of a summer picnic

I recently finally got round to uploading some photos from my camera, and found these shots, which brought a happy smile to my face - happy memories of a impromtu picnic back in early August with my girls.  The sun was shining, there was good food, great company, water fountains for the girls.  For me, it was mainly just quiet calm relaxation in the shade and playing with Tali.

Finding these photos that I had forgot I had taken brought their warm sunny brightness back to my chilly autumn evening and firmly planted a smile on my face.  :)

SpinIn

It may have taken me over a week to get round to posting about the SpinIn, but that is by no means a reflection of the awesomeness that was that weekend.

Having been a relative newbie to camping, I was surprised by just how much I enjoyed it.  Being out in a field with such clear skies.  I can't remember the last time I was under such a clear stary sky.  I've missed that experience.  I may be an utter city girl, but there's certain things like a star filled sky that just make my heart sing and provoke such primal feelings in me.  I could just stare for eons, completely lost in it, even if I can barely point out two constellations.  Just shear beauty.  And I love being cosy around a campfire, cider/wine/gingerbeer in hand, and good, even if a little abstract and random, conversation flowing. It kind of goes with the primal thing. It's definitely a reason to do it again.

However, those lovely clear skies which lead to me getting sunburnt during the days, and such beautiful sights at night, lead to very chilly temperatures at night.  I was really glad to have my snuggly Ryeland handspun shawl to wrap around my nose.  The first morning greeted us with a thick fog, which was certainly atmospheric before it burnt off.

I participated in several workshops, so there was plenty of fun shared experiences and chances to learn.  I was pretty tired following an eleven day stretch at work, including a week of long days on call, so I also really enjoyed just sitting back and soaking in the atmosphere.  I didn't get to take my wheel as there just wasn't enough room in the car, so I spindled a bit on my new club spindle, with my new club fibre, which is just the yummiest neutral stoney shades.

 And a dabbling dyer's dream - getting to play with a professional's palette:

This was the product of the the dying session.  It was so much fun and utterly fascinating to be around some many varied expressions of creativity and to see how differently people approached it.  We all got to do three things - mine were a random choice of "ooh, they look like pretty colours" on BFL, an experiment in gradient dying on Falkland, and a fun crazy rainbow attempt on some silk hankies.

There were trips to see the sheep:

And times of just admiring the scenery:

And just plan ol' sitting in a circle of crafting:

It was so much fun and such utter temptation!  My bags came back over flowing with goodies, so much fibre, I think I've pretty much replaced what I spun up during the Tour this year, which is a nice thought... now if only I had the time to actually use some of it up!