The week that was

It's now been about a week since I last posted, and how much can happen in a week, so of which has needed a bit of time for me to be able to talk about easily (ish).

The week started lovely with another trip to Cirencester to meet up with Lorri for dinner.  We went to a wonderful Indian restuarant, and had a lovely time.  And Lorri treated me as an early birthday pressie, since we aren't sure if she's likely to see me nearer the time.

Tuesday was a quiet night in, when I finally got round to finishing Ru's wristwarmers, (well, I say finish, I haven't quite got round to sewing in the tails).  It was a huge relief, really happy with the way they look, but am very glad to be moving onto something new, and more colourful.  Which I did, I started my latest project, a little vest for Morgan.

Then Wednesday came...  My heart starts beating faster everytime I even think about what happened on that day.  How much it changed everything.  All the negative emotions that well up in me.  I was going on a hospice visit, out in the back of beyond, and on a windy, confusing, unfamiliar country lane, I crashed my car.  I did not realise that the road wasn't a straight  road, but was actually a t-junction until too late.  I slammed on the brakes, and for the briefest time, I thought to myself, it's going to be close, I'm going to stop, I'll be shaken, but everything will be okay.  But then... I don't think I even realised until I was sitting in my car, smoke filling the air and the airbag deflating in front of me, that I couldn't avoid it.  The road was wet and slippery, and it was a slight downhill.  I had crashed into another car.  Everyone is mostly okay.  The other lady seemed to have a seatbelt injury,  and my passenger hurt her ankle somehow.  And me, I have a small graze on my knee, and a bruise from the seatbelt (I assume) and have for the last few days, some muscular pain across my chest.  My beloved Ernie is much worse for wear, and everyone who has seen him said they thought he'd be a write off, but I'm still waiting to hear from the insurance company with regards to this.   Everyone has been calm, patient and effecient.  All the emergancy services that attended the scene were fantastic and helpful.  I was so shocked and just a tad hysterical and mostly useless, so I am very grateful indeed for all the help I recieved.  And I'm very grateful for all my fantastic friends, both near and far who have been supportive and been there for me, reassuring, caring and wonderful.  There's just so much I could say about the day, and go into so much more detail, but it's hard, and I don't really have the energy to deal with it, and I don't think I particularly need to.  So that's all I'm going to say about the incident.

And for now, that's all I'm going to say about the week.  There's so much more that's happened since, so I'll tackle that tomorrow :)

Blue Hands

What a wonderful, busy, exhausting weekend, full of colour, laughing, experimenting and friends, both old and new.  On Saturday, I went to a hand-dye your own wool, at my favouritest wool shop, Get Knitted in Bristol.  And what wonderous fun it was.  It was run by Jeni, from Fyberspates (check her stuff out, absolutely stunning!) and she was so patient, generous and knowledgable.  She took us through the basics of hand-painting wool, and just allowed us all to experiment with different yarns and colours and effects.  I have to admit, I'm slightly jealous of some of the amazing things that some of the other ladies came up with, but only slightly, because I am just soooo proud of my own little collection.  The course covered three yarns (a lace, a sock and a double/chunky) but I managed to come away with eight, and only paying £5 extra for one skein, as Jeni was kind enough to give us some freebies.  So here's a little run down of the dying process:

 

Pre-soak yarn and lay out on suitable surface

 

Wear gloves (!) and mix up dye and fixer in steamy hot water

 

Start painting!

 

And a little more (this being my neighbour who was doing the same colours as me)

 

Ensure wool all covered (assuming that's what you want!) and a good bit of table coverage for good measure!

 

Have a nosy around at everyone else!  Oh and get a bag ready, and carefully shove yarn in

Place in steamer until water in bag becomes colourless

 

Allow to cool sufficiently to handle

Rinse thoroughly

 

Allow to dry (a process that will prob only be finished at the end of the week)

Select next yarn to play with!

And repeat

 

and again

And so forth... until:

 

Your clothes horse ends up looking like this, and despite your fairly best efforts with wearing gloves your hands end up like this:

 

Oh dear, what would the patient's say?

They all seem to be taking ages to dry, which is annoying when all you want to do is play!  The dye is fading on my hands, but my cuticles still seem fairly worse for wear!  Ooops! 

I love the colour of my lace skein (the middle row, middle skein).  I spent ages mixing the colours (suggested by Jeni) to get the right colour that I was after.  And I'm very happy with it.  It's only one colour, but with varying pentrance of the dye to get a semi-solid colour effect.  A lovely grapey/mullberry colour.  The green was the less successful colour experiment, I wasn't really wanting such bright limey greens, but I love it all the same!  I was aiming for more natural shades.  

Here are some of the other yarns I liked the looks of:

(some of these are mine)

 

 

I could go on, but I won't!  It is after all beyond my bedtime.  Sweet colourful dreams everyone!

Catching up

Wow, this really is a slippery slope.  Just a few days without posting everyday and then it just gets longer and longer between posts.  Oooops.  There's no particular reason for having not posted for nearly four days, it's a combo of having really dull days followed by very busy days.  And the now usual lack of sleep in Cheltenham making me exhausted.  So here we go, a quick catch up over lunch, and I have loads to say, so let's see how far I get.

I slept absolutely awfully on Sunday night, but fortunately I didn't have anything going on on Monday besides my nine o'clock seminar.  So I yawned my way home and curled up in bed and ended up sleeping for about three hours!  It was soooo needed that I don't feel entirely guilty for avoiding going to the wards and clerking.  I really don't think I would have got much benefit out of it.

Tuesday was by far my busiest day so far this week.  Nine o'clock seminar.  Followed by clerking with a friend.  First clerking I've done in weeks so it was really good to have someone there with me, as (a) kind of obliges me to get on with it! and (b) good for feedback on things that need improving on or are just a little rusty from having not done it for a while.  In the middle of my clerking, one of the other medical students came and dragged me to the corridor.  Just to let me know (at 11am) that I would be having my first exam of the year at 2pm.  Ahh, advance warning always so great!  The organisation here in Cheltenham has been rather questionable!  But there you go.  So after rattling around for a bit at lunchtime, moaning via text to Sarah (thanks for listening!) and trying to get it straight in my head how I felt about it all.  The exam was an observed long case - a new introduction to have them so early in the year this year, but basically the exam format which is responsible for me still being here at medical school rather than being out there in the big bad world, actually being a doctor.  How could I feel anything but negativity toward this exam?  Fortunately, it never really dawned in properly or felt real, so that avoided a lot of the nasty nerves.  I was surprisingly relaxed during the exam, much more so than during the exams last year.  I don't know what to make of it, but I got some very positive feedback, and I got a chance to really talk it through with the doctor who was examining me, and she said "there were no major pass/fail points" which I don't know if that meant I passed overall, or there was no one big thing that I would fail on that I really messed up.... so who knows.  I don't know when I'm likely to find out what I scored/if I passed.  So I'm just in limbo, but feeling relatively happy about it.

Then Tuesday evening I drove to Cirencester to meet up with Lorri and have dinner.  Which was lovely, and just what I needed after the unexpected exam.  I love catching up with Lorri, and she spoils me rotten when we have dinner, taking pity on the poor student.  We have a deal that with my first pay cheque, I'm going to repay the favour, but at this rate, I'm going to have to take her to Paris for a meal or maybe the Ritz or something crazy like that, either way, something big!  Lol!  I'm so lucky to have such amazing friends.  It was an okay meal, Lorri's steak was over cooked, and the humous wasn't humous, but I did have a very very tasty ginger and honey icecream for desert.  Mmmm *licks lips*!  And it was lovely just to be with a friend, and have a really good catch up.  Lorri is working and staying in Swindon at the moment, hence meeting in Cirencester, which is more of less half way between Cheltenham and Swindon, taking us each almost exactly half an hour to get there.  We're planning to do it again next week, choosing a different restaurant this time though.

Yesterday I had about as lazy a day as possible.  I was exhausted and didn't really have anything on in the hospital, so I stayed in bed (in the morning) and in my pjs most of the day.  Watched stuff on my laptop, dozed, and eventually got round to knitting a little bit, making a start on the second wrist warmer.  Eventually at about 5, I decided enough was enough and put some clothes on and forced myself to go to get milk!  Ohhh, it's a tough life I lead. Then in the evening I went with one of my course mates to go see Sherlock Holmes, making the most of Orange Wednesdays and having a cinema about a minute's walk away.  It was pretty good.  Predictably a bit about the violence and explosions.  But I did quite enjoy it, and I've been meaning to see it for ages now.  So can cross it off the list!

And here we are, back to Thursday.  I overslept this morning so was late to my teaching first thing.  Ooops.  Then am about to head in for "on call", whatever that will entail and maybe have some consultant teaching.

So I had better get going.  I have a few more things to say about my weekend, but I will have to leave that for now, but I am well excited about my plans!

Back in stinky Cheltenham

No, it actually does stink, well, in the kitchen at least (full bin and crazy heating.... mmmm, tasty smells there!)

So the delights of being back to Cheltenham, and after a weekend of... well, not much.  I'm really finding it hard to think of things to talk about here that aren't tedious running commentries of my life or moans that I've already had. 

Work was work.  Actually a very barable shift.  Nice patients, nice nurses, enough work to keep me busy and not twiddling my thumbs but not too busy to actually get everything done whilst still chatting to patients.  So that was good.  I honestly really find it hard to say that I enjoy work, I just don't find it a particularly rewarding job, it's just a means to an end.  And it makes me crave being a doctor and doing what I feel passionate about all the more.

This morning I finally got round to getting out of bed early enough to go to my local CofE church, as part of my quest to find a church that will give me what I need/want/think I need out of church.  It was a nice short walk up there, listening to the bells.  Very old school traditional!  It was Candlemas today, so it was interesting to see, as I've never been to a Candlemas  before, but I suppose it wasn't their usual sort of service, so I think I will try to make it back next week and try a more run of the mill kind of mass.  There was a lot of pomp and ceremony, which I do find a little needless in Christianity.  But I did get to take communion, for the first time in years, so that was nice, as I do believe it is an important part of church and practising Christianity.  I definitely left the church feeling very moved, relaxed and content.  I don't know if I learnt anything necessarily faith-strengthening, but I did enjoy it, and I'm hoping next week will be good too.  And they were very friendly and welcoming, so that definitely counts in their favour.

And finally, the wristwarmer is still not done, but very nearly.  I'm just debating on the length of the palm part, but hopefully will finish that tomorrow, along with the thumb, which shouldn't take too long at all.  So yipee, nearly half way!

 

(not entirely sure why I looks so shocked and dazed in this pic... I took it, I knew it was coming... lol!)

 

Wonderful Mara

I'm happily back in Bristol, but absolutely exhausted.  Cheltenham is really not good for me, I'm totally run down by it, and it has only been two weeks though.  Halfway.  I really need to get some good rest whilst I'm back in Bristol, making the most of relaxing and chilling out.  Besides work!

And as expecting, waiting back in Bristol for me was the red slip from the postie, so I literally put my bags down and then rushed straight out again.  And this is what was waiting for me:

 

It is so beautifully soft and such wonderful colours - a perfect choice for me.  I love how dusky and muted they are, and the graduation of colours with the blues and lilacs, reds and pinks.  Absolutely gorgerous.  And a homemade card, from Mara, saying she was happy to enable my yarn habbit.  She also explained that she sent the solid pink to go with the multicoloured, so I could be adventurous and make the heels, toes, and cuff of the socks in a co-ordinated but different yarn.  I'm soooo excited to get working on them soon... I suppose I just have to pick a pattern first.  Mainly debating if I should have a fairly plain sock with minimal stitch patterns, or to go for something more "busy" like the ones I just finished. I still just can't believe someone would send a stranger such a wonderful beautiful yarn.  Such wonderful generousity. :)  Thank you very much Mara, and thanks to Ravelry for allowing me to meet her.

And I won't spoil the specialness and excitment of the yarn by saying anything more...

Well, what is there to say?

Sometimes I really ponder the point of this blog, I really just seem to fill it with needless waffle for want of something better to say.  But is that really a problem?  I sometimes wish I was one of those people who always had deep, thought-provoking, philosophising (if that's a word) things to say... so this blog would be interesting to those who read it and somehow touch their lives.  But I'm not.  And I treat this blog very much as a form of a diary, that I suppose I really don't mind if someone else happens upon.  Not very interesting, but who says it has to be?

But then again, there are some days which just aren't really worth commenting on.  The blog definitely helps me reflect on my day, and see if there's anything special or worthwhile that has happened, and I like that.  It has helped me be more grateful, and has helped me find joy and fulfilment in the little things that make up everyday life.  I suppose a lot of this waffle is a reflection of my not really enjoying Cheltenham.  I'm finding it tedious and a little depressing.  Life is on the cusp of changing pace and focus, with the inevitable shift towards preparing for finals and all that implies.  But I don't really feel ready for that change.  And I know that part of this is pure avoidance of reality - it will become harder and harder for me to ignore why I'm here.  Why I'm having to do this all over again.  I failed.  I let myself and all my nearest and dearest down with my actions.  Starting finals prep will be a horrible and constant reminder of that fact, in a far more intense way than repeating the year and going through the motions of being on placement.  It is after all what I've done for so long now, that it just seems to be more of the same.  But exams are different.  Exams will remind me of all that has passed over the last year, and I know I will struggle with this.

It's all really well sitting here moaning about it, but I really do need to act.  I need to find the strength and the focus to do it all over again.  I need to find a way of coping with all the negative emotions that I have managed to suppress.  But I'm just not ready for that at all.

But anyways, on to the day to day...

I had one very boring tedious lecture.  Then nipped to the post office on the way home to send Sarah some more supplies.  Oh dear, I've really enabled her growing addiction!  But she isn't complaining too much.  And then I came "home" and on the whole had a very restless morning.  I sat chatting with my flatmates for quite a while, the the while beavering away at Ru's wristwarmers.  I really am not making the sort of progress I'd like, and I can't quite tell why.  At this rate I'll be working on them for at least another couple of weeks, unless I can really blitz them over the weekend.

I love the pattern and the effect.  It's a little fiddly, but I've now figured it out, so I don't need to look at the pattern or pay too much attention.  I've got about another inch to go before I start shaping for the thumb hole.

Then this afternoon I went to the cinema (oh temptation!) and saw Brothers.  It was really good, and very moving.  Definitely not one to see if you want something light hearted, but was definitely one of the best films I've seen for a while.

And then this evening?  More knitting, chatting and watching dvds, in amongst random wool surfing, wishing I had endless money and endless time to make stuff out of all the gorgeous gorgeous wools out there!  But I'm being good and most certainly have more than enough wool to keep me going.

And that's it.  Another one of those days of nothing in particular.  Back to Bristol tomorrow, and I can't wait.  Back to a reasonable temperature room, back to a comfy sofa, in front of my week's worth of sky plus stuff.  Back to my Bristol friends, who I really want to try and see this weekend.  And most excitingly, hopefully, back to a package of yarn sent from someone who's never meet me, but was inspired to share her wonderful stash!  So very excited!

Rules, what rules?

As y'all can probably tell, it's gone one in the morning and I'm only just starting to think of going to bed. It's all very well, I've decided, making rules, but you have to follow them, and this is where I come undone. I have virtually no self-control.

I'm going to blame Cheltenham. I'm not sleeping very well here at all. It's either too hot (waking up sweating and unable to cool down) or too cold. If it's too hot and I turn down the heater as much as possible and open the window (what a waste of energy!) then it's really noisy as we're on a pretty busy road. What's a girl to do? I had the afternoon off today, and I ended up falling asleep for a couple of hours. I was that tired. Which also probably explains why I'm still awake now. I am getting tired now, so hopefully will manage some good rest.

I spent lots of time buying yarn today, but it wasn't (all) for me. I feel it's a little more justified if I'm helping out a friend, and poor laid up Sarah has really taken to her crochet, so I'm really excited, and have even got her to sign up to Ravelry. I feel slightly less like an absolute nerd when one of my friends is part of it too. Lol, I know that sounds silly but there you are. So I got Sarah some more yarn today, which will be winging it's way to her tomorrow, once I get round to going to the post office. Something which I was going to do this afternoon.

Lalala! Screw it, I refuse to apologise or feel guilty about my nap. I clearly needed it and I enjoyed it. So rules, shmules. For tonight at least.

The fabric shop idea has faded in my mind somewhat as I tried to look it up online today before heading out there, and all I could find out about it was that it sells furniture, upholstry fabric and curtains. So I'm less enthused about the idea of it now. Don't know if I'll bother, which is just as well, as much as I can vaguely justify buying yarn, I really can't justify fabric, I really wouldn't have the time or resources to do anything with it. And driving all the way there just to look is not exactly environmently friendly. So I think it's on the back burner for now. But that may change if I get bored! Lol!

*yawn*, yup definitely time to go to bed now. Nighty-night!