Well, what is there to say?

Sometimes I really ponder the point of this blog, I really just seem to fill it with needless waffle for want of something better to say.  But is that really a problem?  I sometimes wish I was one of those people who always had deep, thought-provoking, philosophising (if that's a word) things to say... so this blog would be interesting to those who read it and somehow touch their lives.  But I'm not.  And I treat this blog very much as a form of a diary, that I suppose I really don't mind if someone else happens upon.  Not very interesting, but who says it has to be?

But then again, there are some days which just aren't really worth commenting on.  The blog definitely helps me reflect on my day, and see if there's anything special or worthwhile that has happened, and I like that.  It has helped me be more grateful, and has helped me find joy and fulfilment in the little things that make up everyday life.  I suppose a lot of this waffle is a reflection of my not really enjoying Cheltenham.  I'm finding it tedious and a little depressing.  Life is on the cusp of changing pace and focus, with the inevitable shift towards preparing for finals and all that implies.  But I don't really feel ready for that change.  And I know that part of this is pure avoidance of reality - it will become harder and harder for me to ignore why I'm here.  Why I'm having to do this all over again.  I failed.  I let myself and all my nearest and dearest down with my actions.  Starting finals prep will be a horrible and constant reminder of that fact, in a far more intense way than repeating the year and going through the motions of being on placement.  It is after all what I've done for so long now, that it just seems to be more of the same.  But exams are different.  Exams will remind me of all that has passed over the last year, and I know I will struggle with this.

It's all really well sitting here moaning about it, but I really do need to act.  I need to find the strength and the focus to do it all over again.  I need to find a way of coping with all the negative emotions that I have managed to suppress.  But I'm just not ready for that at all.

But anyways, on to the day to day...

I had one very boring tedious lecture.  Then nipped to the post office on the way home to send Sarah some more supplies.  Oh dear, I've really enabled her growing addiction!  But she isn't complaining too much.  And then I came "home" and on the whole had a very restless morning.  I sat chatting with my flatmates for quite a while, the the while beavering away at Ru's wristwarmers.  I really am not making the sort of progress I'd like, and I can't quite tell why.  At this rate I'll be working on them for at least another couple of weeks, unless I can really blitz them over the weekend.

I love the pattern and the effect.  It's a little fiddly, but I've now figured it out, so I don't need to look at the pattern or pay too much attention.  I've got about another inch to go before I start shaping for the thumb hole.

Then this afternoon I went to the cinema (oh temptation!) and saw Brothers.  It was really good, and very moving.  Definitely not one to see if you want something light hearted, but was definitely one of the best films I've seen for a while.

And then this evening?  More knitting, chatting and watching dvds, in amongst random wool surfing, wishing I had endless money and endless time to make stuff out of all the gorgeous gorgeous wools out there!  But I'm being good and most certainly have more than enough wool to keep me going.

And that's it.  Another one of those days of nothing in particular.  Back to Bristol tomorrow, and I can't wait.  Back to a reasonable temperature room, back to a comfy sofa, in front of my week's worth of sky plus stuff.  Back to my Bristol friends, who I really want to try and see this weekend.  And most excitingly, hopefully, back to a package of yarn sent from someone who's never meet me, but was inspired to share her wonderful stash!  So very excited!